


Entropy

by ersatzbeta



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Reality (break from canon), Angst, M/M, WIP
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2010-09-09
Updated: 2012-02-18
Packaged: 2017-10-11 14:56:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 37
Words: 66,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/113644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ersatzbeta/pseuds/ersatzbeta
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kakashi is no one's savior. Still, he tries to keep Sasuke from ruination.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This story is a long, still-in-progress alternate reality, which breaks off from canon Naruto directly after Sasuke kills Itachi. It is Sasuke- and Kakashi-centric, and concerns the (gradual) development of their relationship, among other things.
> 
> The word/chapter count is kind of inaccurate. There's two more chapters than the counter claims, and I'm going to assume that means the word count is therefore off by two or three thousand words.

It had taken Sasuke nine years to get this far. Nine years of hating and growing and training. Nine years to shape himself, nine years of failure and doubt and killing off everything in himself that stood in the way. Nine years to hunt his brother down for the final fight. And now here he was, lying next to his brother's still-warm body. He was exhausted. He was numb. Itachi's corpse was still bleeding and he felt the need to get away from it, but he couldn't move. He lay there and the blood seeped into his clothing.

And then Madara came and snatched Sasuke's proof of victory away. Sasuke made to chase, but he collapsed in his abortive attempt to stand. He woke in a cave, prostrate on a makeshift bed, forced to listen as Madara explained everything and Sasuke's world broke apart again. He twisted around to see the curse seal on his shoulder. It was still there, but it had changed. Sasuke touched it, and it was like live electricity tearing through him. His vision swam and went dark.

  


When Sasuke woke for the second time in the cave, Madara was dead. His corpse continued to burn with the Amaterasu's black flames; it seemed even he could not escape the attack, however instinctive its origins were. Sasuke struggled up off the pallet on the floor. He drew his sword and cut off Madara's head. That face, nearly untouched by the fire, looked eerily similar to Itachi's. Sasuke's left eye opened wider and wider. Fire leapt from it. Madara's head burned itself out and Sasuke dripped tears of blood.

He staggered down passageways, leaving smears of blood where he rested against the walls. Eventually, Sasuke came to a huge chamber with an seven-eyed statue. No, wait. It had nine eyes, but only seven of them were open. And then he saw his brother's body at its foot and he didn't care about the statue's eyes anymore.

Sasuke sat beside it--the body (his brother)-- for an indeterminate amount of time. He couldn't make himself look at it. At him. At what he had been. He began to prepare for the disposal of Itachi.

  


The smoke and ash bit into his eyes. He breathed his brother in, held his breath until his lungs burned before he exhaled. Sasuke looked upward and watched the smoke spiral around the top of the cave. For the second time, he noticed the statue. This time, though, he realized what it was and saw that it was beginning to destabilize. Sasuke hadn't planned for this, didn't think he'd ever have the misfortune. His options were simple: let it fall apart and be blown up by proximity when the bijuu escaped, or find a way to fix it, at least long enough to get away. What Sasuke really needed was more time. He wanted time to rest and think, but if he didn't do something now, didn't start to repair the damage now, it would be too late and he would be dead. The stress of the work still might kill him, but inaction definitely would. Sasuke took a deep breath with his eyes closed. He opened them, Sharingan swirling. He began.

  


Nine days later, it was done. Sasuke had re-structured the statue and its dangerous contents. When Sasuke finally looked up from his work, he saw that there were four people--no, seven--in the room with him. Karin, Suigetsu, and Juugo made a rough triangle around him. Protecting? Watching over? Sasuke wasn't sure why they were doing it. But they stood between him and the other four. The others all wore Akatsuki cloaks.

Sasuke's muscles screamed when he tried to stand. He batted away Karin's manicured hand, instead allowing Juugo to pull him to his feet. Karin handed him a handkerchief. He gave her a look and she pointed to his nose. He wiped. The cloth came away bloody.

"Nice work," said one of the cloaked figures.

Sasuke recognized him. It was his brother's partner. Sasuke wracked his brains, trying to come up with a name. The thinking made his head pound. Or made it worse. He wasn't really sure, at this point.

"Kisame," said Suigetsu. "So nice to see you again."

He bared his teeth in imitation of a smile. Kisame ignored him.

"You missed a spot," said Kisame.

He pointed to Sasuke's neck. Sasuke looked. His entire chest was streaked with red and brown. He scrubbed at it halfheartedly and it flaked off a bit at a time. His white shirt was a gory mess at the collar and Sasuke was sure he would never get it clean.

After the introductions were over, Sasuke explained that what he wanted was to destroy Konoha. Wipe it off the map. Why should the Akatsuki follow him? Well, aside from killing Itachi and Madara, Sasuke had fixed the statue, permanently. They were blocked from their ultimate goal, more or less for forever. And hadn't it been Madara's fondest wish to destroy the Leaf as well? Of course, he was in no position to force them to follow him. In fact, aside from what was bound to be a good fight, he had little to offer them. Zetsu tried to decline and Sasuke cut off one of his leaves in the blink of an eye. The next person to say no would lose a limb.

Pein and Sasuke actually got along well, their ideas of total destruction running along the same lines. Konan followed Pein without question. Zetsu was distinctly unhappy, but he could afford to wait for revenge. And Kisame…Well, Kisame was somewhat indifferent. He admitted, with a toothy grin, that he was curious to see what his former partner's brother could really do. As nice as Sasuke's work on the statue was, he wanted to see some fireworks.

And so they set out to destroy Konoha, eight against an entire village. They all knew it was a suicidal plan, but no one cared, either from actual indifference or a lack of belief in their own mortality and fallibility.

  


The battle took nine hours. The village was almost completely destroyed. Sasuke's forces were gone, and he himself was unconscious now, surrounded by a diminished group of former classmates and colleagues. Blood leaked out from underneath his eyelids. They watched him draw breath. They discussed what to do with him with hand signals, lest they wake him by speaking. They did not turn their backs on him. Night swept over the valley and stars blinked into the sky.

  


Nine minutes into Kakashi's birthday, nine minutes into the night following Sasuke's return, Sasuke was unceremoniously dumped into Kakashi's arms. Kakashi looked over the group. Tension knotted and strangled any possible conversation. He nodded and left them in the rubble of Konoha. He took Sasuke to Sakura for healing. A tent city sprawled outward from the hospital, and he wandered through, finally catching sight of her pink hair above the crowd. She treated Sasuke silently, her mouth held tight. Kakashi felt her eyes on his back as he carried his burden to ANBU headquarters. He felt nothing as he turned Sasuke over to Ibiki.

All through this, Sasuke didn't once stir.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is a long, still-in-progress alternate reality. It is Sasuke- and Kakashi-centric, and concerns the (gradual) development of their relationship, among other things.

Kakashi waited outside the Hokage's office. He knew exactly why he was here, but that didn't stop his stomach from churning unpleasantly. He had doubts and misgivings about all this. Could he really accomplish what the Hokage had set him to do? He forced his body to relax, made his hands hold onto the paperwork securely but without crumpling it. As he did with most quiet moments these days, Kakashi ruminated.

It was an unspoken rule not to mention the fact that Sasuke was crazy. True, he'd never been right in the entire time team seven had known him, but he had become decidedly worse after receiving Orochimaru's tutelage. Killing his brother had been the last straw.

But, while the ninja of the village were careful not to say anything in front of Naruto or Sakura, they had no such compunctions about Kakashi. Kakashi wondered why this didn't apply to him. Perhaps because he had been an instructor and not a classmate? Maybe everyone thought Sasuke and he had not been close, despite months of group training and months of one-on-one and that middle-of-the-night intervention that had so miserably failed. Kakashi sighed.

He knew he shouldn't blame himself entirely. After all, he had had a few months to try and affect the patterns of years' worth of obsession in a particularly stubborn and willful not-quite teenager. Even then Sasuke had looked like he was only just stopping himself from imploding with hate and anger and despair. He'd been so feral the night Kakashi had tried to intervene, so violent and cruel.

Kakashi smoothed the papers in his hands. He corrected himself. No. Not cruel. But unthinking and uncaring beneath the widespread branches of the tree. If he'd had wings then, no doubt he would have flown off on the wild winds that had stripped the leaves off twigs and frothed the water of the river into great sprays.

Kakashi had failed him, no matter that Sasuke was as flat and dead as the moon. He hashed and rehashed the events, thinking that there could have been some way he could have done more. Kakashi's heart twisted deep in his chest. He felt responsibility for everything Sasuke had done after that, could see the lack of his influence so clearly in all the bad, wrong, and downright nonsensical events that followed Sasuke's defection.

This was why, now, years after Sasuke's return to Konoha, Kakashi had agreed to take him on again. Sasuke's homecoming had been no easy thing. Admittedly, he had come back to the village of his own will. It was pure bad luck that he had come to destroy it, but it was the thought that counted, right? He cared enough about it to want it wiped off the face of the planet, at least.

It had been obvious to Kakashi then--and was still plain to him now--that Sasuke had come completely unscrewed. It showed in his commanding, too. He had been too focused on destroying the village and not enough on things like defense…or basic tactics. He hadn't seemed to care if his people got taken down, as long as he had more time to cause as much destruction as he could. Sasuke had been bent on personally taking out each and every house, building, or wall of mortared stone.

Kakashi remembered that a good third of the village had been flattened by enormous battling summons, and most of what remained had been scorched by Sasuke's hard-won Amaterasu. The academy was reduced to rubble. Many good ninja had died, not the least of whom was Tsunade. To be more accurate, she didn't actually die during the battle but rather some days later from chakra exhaustion from both the fighting and the healing afterward. Tsunade had spent her last hours dictating village business from her bed. One of her final orders as Hokage was to send Naruto out as a diplomatic envoy.

So, while Sasuke had spent the first few weeks after the destruction of Konoha with Ibiki at the ANBU headquarters, Naruto had been fulfilling Tsunade's request. Kakashi scratched his head, trying to remember. Naruto had spent a year--or was it two?--as a diplomat, first to Suna and then on an as-needed basis to less friendly countries. Although he lacked a certain polish, he was exceptionally good with people. It also didn't hurt that he had, by then, subsumed all the Kyuubi's power and could (though he never did) flatten a country with that massive chakra reserve.

During Sasuke's debriefing and Naruto's diplomatic dispatch, a secondary ninja council had taken over as a temporary measure while the village rebuilt and took stock and tried to decide who would be Hokage next. Shizune had taken the lead on it for a time, before declaring that the hospital needed her more. Ibiki was second choice, but he declined before they could officially elect him. He much preferred the shadows to the limelight. Danzou had stepped in to fill the void, which lead to Sasuke's transfer from the ANBU holding cells to the Konoha prison.

There had been months of infighting and backstabbing and dirty politics, to all of which Kakashi had been privy. Finally, the remaining jounin and ANBU who were not loyal to Danzou banded together and kicked him out of office through surprisingly democratic methods. Those same ninja had then stepped up to the responsibility in a rotational fashion. Kakashi had begged off of council duty: he knew he wasn't suited for such a tedious and thankless job, but he had couched it in terms of being more useful in the field taking missions. Thankfully, the majority had agreed with him.

When Naruto had come back from diplomatic deployment, he did some time on the council rotation. He consolidated power, won over councilors and heads of clans, and proved himself to be politically astute. Then he had taken another turn. And another. Finally, the provisional government agreed that he should become Hokage. The regular council insisted that he have advisors who were, quote, "not biased towards him in such a manner as to cause undue favor of his ideas." This meant that Kakashi wasn't allowed anywhere near him. (Not that Kakashi wasn't already flat-out with critical and difficult missions.) Naruto's council-appointed advisors were Ebisu, Ibiki, Shizune, and Anko. Naruto agreed that the advisors would assist him with village matters large and small, for a probationary period of six months. If he didn't manage to run the village into the ground in that time, the council would consider allowing him complete autonomy after that.

Ibiki and Anko had bailed on him after a week. Apparently, for the first time in his life, Naruto proved in a very big and public way that he was more than competent. Shizune gave up dogging him after a month. Ebisu stuck it out the longest, but this was more for the sake of looking good in front of the council than any real desire to assist or police Naruto. By the time Ebisu quit, Naruto had firmly cemented himself in village politics and no one said anything when he announced, with great aplomb, that Ebisu would be returning to his former duties.

As soon as Naruto had officially accepted the mantle of Hokage, he got to work cleaning up the village. He had made public works one of his priorities. He wanted everyone to have a home and he wanted all the buildings and infrastructure repaired, rebuilt, or replaced. The last thing that went back up was the Academy. Once everything was rebuilt, Naruto had set his sights on the prison. It rankled him that not only did Konoha have a prison in the first place, but his former best friend was there…had been there, actually, for nearly five years. Whoops. Naruto asked Ibiki to look into it, and Ibiki did. Yes, Sasuke was still there. No, he didn't plan on escaping. No, he wasn't going to destroy the village anymore. Yes, yes, he was still terribly crazy. Dangerously so. Although Ibiki used the terms "unstable" and "likely to harm himself." Sasuke wasn't doing notably worse in prison, but he wasn't getting better.

So Naruto, still as surprising as ever, had come up with a plan. The plan still gave Kakashi a warm feeling of pride that this young man had once been his student. Naruto had made many diplomatic overtures and promises and called in favors, and in return the prisoners were sent off to various other countries as menial hard laborers. They'd be fairly treated: properly clothed and fed, but supervised and, most importantly, they wouldn't be in prison any more. For those prisoners who were ninja, Naruto consulted with Shizune and Sakura and the knowledge of the Kyuubi. He found ways to block their chakra. It was a hard decision to make, but Naruto couldn't just let the prisoners loose, even in the supervised work environments, to start causing trouble again. If the former prisoners were ever rehabilitated, the blocks could, in theory, be removed.

As soon as the prisoners were taken care of, Naruto gleefully had had the prison demolished. He had vowed that he would find solutions other than incarceration for future offenders. But all this progress still left the problem of what to do with Sasuke. Naruto had been convinced that, given more time, Sasuke could recover into some semblance of normalcy. So, briefly, Sasuke had gone into the hospital. It didn't help anything and. In fact, Sasuke had gotten a bit worse. More isolated. More withdrawn. More likely to burst out in a fit of anger.

And so Kakashi had volunteered to watch over Sasuke. Or, more accurately, Kakashi was volunteered by the Hokage. Naruto had given it a lot of thought and decided that Kakashi had a better chance than anyone else. Better chance of what he didn't say. Survival, probably, though success was also implied. It had been made an official mission, paperwork and all. Kakashi would be taking charge of Sasuke tomorrow, which was why he was waiting to see the Hokage now. He had looked over and completed his half of the paperwork. He just needed to turn it in.

Kakashi wondered now if he should have visited Sasuke during either his prison or hospital stays. He had been busy, yes, but being busy was an excellent excuse to not do it. He hadn't always wanted to see Sasuke, for one. He didn't want to see the changes the years had wrought, didn't want to connect the genin he'd trained to whoever Sasuke had become. Of course he had doubts about this mission. But, Kakashi reminded himself, he had to do this. He would do this. He may not like it, but he could endure it.

He took a deep breath and steeled himself as the door to the Hokage's office swung open.

"Come in."

The Hokage's voice drifted into the hall.

Kakashi rose from his seat. It was unavoidable. He couldn't escape this duty now, no matter how he felt about it. He double-checked his paperwork, took another breath, and stepped into the open doorway.


	3. Chapter 3

Sasuke was a dangerous houseguest. He was infinitely twitchy, hair-triggered, and temperamental. He set traps in the house, a behavior of which Kakashi both did and did not approve. Some of them were sensible, like across doorways or windowsills, but setting tripwires across the bathtub? An exploding tag beneath the kitchen sink, Kakashi decided, was downright low. Getting extra scrubbies from that cupboard should not have been a dangerous task. He couldn't figure out whether Sasuke was really so paranoid and unsure as to think that attackers would hide behind the dish soap and bleach, or if Sasuke just wanted to mess with him.

Granted, Kakashi messed right back. Or, at least, he had vivid daydreams about it, like how he might put dye in Sasuke's toothpaste. He thought about short-sheeting Sasuke's bed. Kakashi was halfway through writing a personal ad for Sasuke, but he was constantly revising it in his head and never bothered to actually write it down. Really, such juvenile behavior should have been beneath him, but Sasuke just managed to get underneath his skin. Kakashi's fuse got shorter by the day.

He decided the best thing for them both would be to move to a different place. Sharing his little bachelor pad with Sasuke had never been the best of ideas, but it had been a spontaneous sort of decision. Kakashi hadn't had much time between the Hokage springing the babysitting job on him and the delivery of Sasuke into his care. Moving wasn't a question of if or when. It was a question of where. Not too close to the old Uchiha district, or the Hatake house, or the Academy or Naruto's old place. Or the memorial, the training grounds, the bridge where the team used to meet, anywhere near the ANBU offices or the site of the jail or the Hokage monument. Kakashi was under orders to not let Sasuke get worse--and try to make things better, if he could. There were so many off-limits places, and yet somewhere acceptable had to be found before he did something regrettable to his charge.

So one day, over a modest dinner of takeout, Kakashi said:

"We're moving. Do you want a house or an apartment?"

Kakashi was viciously pleased that he'd managed to make Sasuke choke on his food. He was less pleased when he experienced a bit of guilt over making the announcement so suddenly. He was even less happy when he looked up from his plate of noodles into the Mangekyou.

  


Even in that black-and-white world, Sasuke was conflicted. Kakashi was tied to a post, true, and it wasn't very comfortable, but at least he wasn't being tortured. Yet. Sasuke loomed over him. What Kakashi could see of his face seemed to be shifting between confusion and anger. Sasuke held a sword and it twitched irritably in his hand, as if it couldn't wait to sink into Kakashi's otherworldly flesh. He gritted his teeth and tried to prepare himself for what he knew could quickly turn painful.

The clouds overhead boiled. A small part of Kakashi's mind compared Sasuke's inner world with Itachi's. Sasuke's was just as parched and flat as his brother's, but it lacked a certain hardness. If Kakashi looked closely at anything, the edges weren't sharp and cleanly defined. He didn't know if it was a lack of practice in shaping the world, or if the world was simply too attuned to Sasuke's conflict with himself. Every now and then, some strange shape would form in the darkness beyond them, and Kakashi was both curious and frightened to find out what moved there, just out of reach and nearly out of sight. It was impossible to judge distance here.

Kakashi's arms and legs were starting to scream at him for holding the position into which he'd been tied, when Sasuke's face settled into a frown. Not an angry frown. Not a sad frown. Just a frown that swept his dark brows together and pinched his mouth shut in the whiteness of his face. The sword vanished from his hand and the clouds froze in place. The ropes around the post squeezed Kakashi hard. The Mangekyou world melted away.

Kakashi was drenched in sweat and breathing hard at the kitchen table. Undergoing the technique still took it out of a body, even if that body was blissfully phantom-wound free. He trembled in his seat and fought the urge to rub his still-protesting joints. Still, he seemed to have it better than Sasuke, who twitched into awareness, clutched his head, and passed out in his plate.

"Damn it," said Kakashi.

Kakashi sighed. He moved Sasuke's upper body to the side so he wouldn't suffocate on the long-cold takeout. He debated whether or not to finish his dinner first or to drag Sasuke to bed. Food won out initially, but he only managed three bites before he made himself get out of the chair. He slung one of Sasuke's arms around his shoulders and carried him to his futon.

Kakashi dropped into his own bed soon after cleaning up the remains of the food. He was grateful for the reprieve from the usual tensions in the apartment, though he wasn't sure if a trip into Sasuke's head was worth that reward. He didn't remember falling asleep.

  


Kakashi bolted awake in the darkness. Someone was in his room, standing over his bed with an intense focus directed at him. He threw three kunai without opening his eye but wasn't surprised that they were deflected. A split second after throwing them he'd decided it was probably Sasuke, or perhaps a messenger from the Hokage. Either way, the kunai were just a friendly warning.

"A house," Sasuke said.

He left the room without another word, and Kakashi took a look at the clock. Four in the morning. Of course Sasuke would wake him up an hour before he'd normally rise. He rolled over again and didn't move an inch until the alarm went off.

By the time he showered and dressed and came out into the kitchen, Sasuke had made breakfast for the both of them. His face looked especially pale this morning, though Kakashi couldn't tell if the pinched look on his face was a side effect of the Mangekyou or from getting up so early. Kakashi guessed that as soon as the worst of Sasuke's headache had dissipated, he had stayed up and brooded. Sasuke was like that. But the thoughtfulness of the meal threw Kakashi a bit. He peered at Sasuke and still couldn't tell what he was thinking. An apology, maybe?

"It's just," said Sasuke. "It's just...I thought maybe we'd get an early start looking for a place."

"Ah," said Kakashi. "Well then."

He scratched his head, scrambling to find a neutral topic of conversation. He settled for burying himself in the food, or at least appearing to be busy with breakfast so he could continue to attempt to decipher Sasuke's mood.

Sasuke scowled into his teacup, but carefully avoided staring Kakashi in the face. Yeah, it was a peace offering, this breakfast. Kakashi sighed inside. He'd still have to watch carefully for a couple days. A conciliatory Sasuke was a Sasuke more on edge, looking for any signal that it was all right to stop being apologetic and start being angry again.

Life had been simpler without Sasuke. The day was already shaping up to be the latest in a string of long, tiring days. Kakashi shrugged it off and started eating. That was something, anyway--at least Sasuke could cook.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm working to get these chapters up in a timely fashion... As of September 9, I have a total of thirty-four chapters to load for Entropy. (Good thing I've got most of them pre-coded!)


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Three

The real estate search went badly from the start. To begin with, Konoha had no realtors, and the classified ads in the paper were laughable. There were just too many secrets in a secret village to promote a healthy, truth-based advertising service. As Kakashi and Sasuke discovered, there were really only two ways to start an apartment hunt there: either one wandered around looking for "for rent" signs, or one already knew someone who had a friend who knew someone that had a place to rent out. Networking. Unfortunately, most of the people who had friends who knew someone did not want to rent to Kakashi and Sasuke. They would have taken Kakashi on his own, but Sasuke, being who he was and having done what he'd done, was blacklisted.

They might have petitioned the Hokage for some sort of government-subsidized housing, but Kakashi suspected Naruto wasn't inclined to give Sasuke any more leeway. He might not have farmed Sasuke out to another country like the rest of the prisoners, but he hadn't swooped in to rescue him, either. A Hokage must be firm, fair, and objective--all of which Naruto had never been when it came to Sasuke. Naruto had not, to the best of Kakashi's knowledge, spoken directly to Sasuke since before his attack on Konoha. This was probably for the best: pent-up releases of emotion erupting in Kyuubi tails were not something the village could afford on any level. Kakashi really was better off hunting for an apartment without the Hokage's direct influence.

Their prospects grew fewer every day, especially once it got out that they were searching for a place. It also didn't help that Sasuke was useless at this sort of thing. No. He was worse than useless. When they were lucky enough to go see an apartment--not having been turned down at first contact--Sasuke tended to stand in the middle of the living room and frown. It looked as if he were contemplating which method of destruction he should use on the building. Kakashi didn't know what Sasuke was actually thinking. Maybe he wasn't thinking at all. Perhaps he didn't like the paint color, or the view, or the people they encountered in the halls. All Sasuke did was stand there with his arms crossed over his chest. He never actually voiced an opinion.

After a few fruitless apartment viewings, Kakashi began asking Sasuke questions to try and draw him out. The attempts at conversation also allowed Kakashi to vent his own frustrations with the search. Living in the same apartment for so long, he'd forgotten how hard it was to find a place fitting all a person's needs. It got infinitely harder when he had to account for Sasuke as well. Did Sasuke have a deep hatred of carpeting? Would he feel like gouging his eyes out if a bathroom were tiled entirely in baby pink? What about the lack of a balcony or the proximity of neighbors? It felt like he was piling up a bunch of trivial concerns, but, Kakashi reminded himself, it was all for the betterment of Sasuke. If a leaky kitchen faucet or seeing himself surrounded by pink in the mirror would push Sasuke further from recovery, he shouldn't be living there. Kakashi wasn't going to push him to live in an unsuitable house, either. He shivered minutely, remembering the Mangekyou's power. He'd ached for days afterward. Best not to repeat that experience. It was, after all, one of the less dangerous things Sasuke could do, and there was no way of predicting what else he might do when disturbed.

  


Kakashi tried again to get a response from Sasuke as they toured the latest rat-hole apartment open to them. Sometimes he made comments for Sasuke's ears alone, and others were purposely loud as he engaged the landlord.

"What do you think about the five flights of stairs we just did Sasuke?"

Sasuke didn't say anything. As he made a perfunctory circuit around the main living area, Kakashi could see the sweat that gathered at the nape of his neck. It was gratifying, in a darkly funny way, to see he'd worked up a sweat. It was also a bit distracting. Kakashi focused his attention back on the landlord currently extolling the virtues of his fine apartment building.

"Did you hear that Sasuke?" said Kakashi. "The bathroom is a communal one for the whole floor. Wonderful, don't you think, bonding with all our new neighbors and attending to our personal hygiene at the same time?"

Kakashi directed a pleased face at the landlord and nodded politely. The idea actually made him want to vomit, but he kept up his act to further prod Sasuke. Channeling a bit of Gai's earnest cheerfulness was inspired. He could tell Sasuke was annoyed with him--and held the same regard for the aforementioned bathroom--though the look on his face might be confused with a sour stomach. That, of course, depended on the observer's level of acquaintance with Sasuke. Kakashi knew him too well to be fooled by that expression.

"I'm almost impressed with that mold colony over there. It's come almost six feet already on that wall," Kakashi said.

He scratched his head and craned his neck.

"I'm not an expert, but it looks like it's headed toward the kitchen."

He didn't even need two eyes to see that this place was rotten to the core. If this farce didn't force Sasuke to speak his mind, Kakashi wasn't sure what else might be enough. The landlord asked him a question, and Kakashi gritted his teeth and counted to three before responding.

"Why yes, that is a lovely view of the dump. Oh? They incinerate at night? Ah, I can just imagine the warm and comforting glow."

The second bedroom of this two-bedroom apartment was hardly bigger than a closet, and Kakashi made sure Sasuke knew that he, Kakashi, would not be sleeping in it.

"It will be like a nice underground nest, don't you think? You should be nice and cozy there…"

Kakashi cut himself off when he realized he was about to compare the apartment to one of Orochimaru's hidden bases. That was probably going too far. He noted the way Sasuke was clenching and unclenching one hand. Kakashi could almost smell the chakra building up. Correction. He had gone further than too far. Kakashi made nice, very quickly, with the landlord and got Sasuke out as soon as he could manage, grabbing him by the wrist and activating the transport jutsu.

They appeared on a quiet roof one street over. He dropped Sasuke's hand before the smoke cleared. He glanced at Sasuke. Apologizing could come later, when Sasuke wasn't out for his blood. Kakashi prudently headed in the direction of a training ground. He was certain Sasuke would follow him. An attempted pummeling would do them both good, especially since neither of them were going on or training for missions these days. Well, to be accurate, Sasuke was a mission, but he was hardly the same as a field mission. Kakashi sometimes felt this was all a prank played on him by Naruto, instead of a serious assignment from the Hokage. Not right now, though, with Sasuke's anger lashing at him from behind as he raced to catch up. Kakashi channeled more chakra into his legs and pushed for more speed.

  


It felt nice to cut loose. He jumped from roof to roof with fresh air hitting his face. He left Sasuke in the dust. Spending so much time dancing attendance on Sasuke didn't leave much time for anything else, like training--or any other form of exercise. Kakashi did some calculations while running. He decided the best training ground for them was a rather derelict space abutting the forest of death. Kakashi anticipated destruction upon their arrival. He didn't want to tear up a nice, frequently used, or, heaven forefend, his favorite, training ground. Really, he didn't know why so many other people believed he was a heartless, thoughtless, perverted ninja. Kakashi was thinking about the rest of them all the time. Really he was. Being heartless, well. Soft-hearted ninja died quickly and messily.

Not that being heartless was any great benefit in the long run. A ninja needed balance, because becoming emotionless was both damn near impossible and definitively damaging. You turned brittle and broke that way, much like Sasuke. No matter what anyone else said, Kakashi sometimes thought, deep inside himself, that Sasuke might be beyond repair. But then, there was Sai, and surely he'd been tampered with beyond anything Itachi could have ever dreamed. Sai couldn't even emote with a smile. At least Sasuke felt, even if it was hate and anger. Kakashi concluded that anger was at the forefront of Sasuke's consciousness, judging by the way he was pushing himself to catch up to Kakashi.

  


Sasuke might have beaten him to the training ground if he'd bothered to focus that anger, but as it was Kakashi dropped to the forest floor first. He had enough time to check that the area was clear of other people before Sasuke came in behind him. Kakashi turned around, saw the Sharingan flash in and out of Sasuke's eyes, felt the way his chakra spiked. Kakashi took charge of the situation.

"I've made you upset," he said. "It's only fair to give you a free shot. But after that…"

He shrugged and pulled back his hitai-ate.

"I'll try not to kill you," said Kakashi.

Kakashi flexed his body, working out the stiffness in his arms and back and shoulders. Even if he apologized now, Sasuke wouldn't hear it. He rested lightly on the balls of his feet and waited.

Sasuke stood still. He scrutinized Kakashi, as if he expected him to turn into a log or to disappear in a puff of smoke. Kakashi looked right back. He did not blink.

At length, Sasuke said:

"I never could tell when you were joking."

And then he attacked.


	5. Chapter 5

Kakashi was unsurprised when Sasuke displayed the same lack of finesse he'd struggled with as a genin. Sasuke must have been more bothered than he'd estimated for him to charge like that, telegraphing his moves and ignoring basic strategy. Kakashi dodged, still on the defensive. Sasuke swept past and skidded to a halt, kicking up dirt. Pebbles spattered to the ground. Sasuke never had been good with strategy. He had power and skill and natural talent, but he didn't think far enough ahead. Sasuke came at him again and his knuckles grazed Kakashi's forearm--it would have been a painful punch, had it not landed at a bad angle. Sasuke had wasted his free hit and Kakashi was now free to counter. He grabbed Sasuke's outstretched arm and threw him over his hip. Sasuke was halfway across the clearing before he recovered. Kakashi watched Sasuke crash into the bushes and push himself up, out, and into another straightforward attack.

Really, Sasuke would have done better with kunai in his hand. Sasuke had grown tall over the years, but Kakashi was still taller and heavier. It was always smarter to wound or disable from a distance before going head to head. Sasuke's eyes locked into Sharingan, and Kakashi focused, his left eye warming up as he tracked Sasuke's next move. He hoped Sasuke had enough sense not to really try to kill him, but Sasuke wasn't always a sensible person. At their respective levels, a sparring accident could kill. It wouldn't be hard to mask less-than-friendly intentions under the guise of an accident, and Kakashi was counting on Sasuke being too emotional to be so clever. Kakashi shrugged, neatly avoiding a flurry of shuriken in the same movement. At least he'd get a decent workout.

  


An hour later, Kakashi had Sasuke sunk into the ground and pinned under a large rock. Kakashi could feel a migraine nipping at him from Sharingan overuse, and he suspected the pinched look on Sasuke's face had less to do with losing than with strained optical nerves and overheated chakra pathways. He slid his hitai-ate down with a sigh of relief. It was almost a pity that Sasuke couldn't follow suit.

"You've improved, Sasuke," said Kakashi.

He sat on the boulder and received a small grunt in return. Really, Sasuke had gotten better. Kakashi could feel the tingle of Sasuke's chakra even now, helping to stay the stone's weight from crushing him. He had to have been downright economical with his power to have that much left after the way he'd laid into Kakashi with technique after powerful technique.

"You even surprised me once or twice. I didn't know Orochimaru's teaching was so versatile."

Sasuke didn't reply.

Kakashi heard a hitch in Sasuke's breathing. Hmm. Probably time to let him up, though Sasuke could simply have been nervous about revealing original jutsu. Kakashi hopped down and pushed the rock off him. It had been carefully balanced and stabilized with chakra. If Sasuke had been able to shift the massive rock at all, it would have collapsed on him. He would have crushed some bones at best. He might have even killed himself that way, although the ANBU lurking in the trees would have gotten him to the hospital fast enough that he wouldn't die. Probably. Kakashi wasn't sure who was on duty, but not all the ANBU took their orders seriously. Impartial guards didn't exist, not with the village still healing from Sasuke's attack.

As soon as the boulder was to the side, the ground around Sasuke cracked and crumbled. He pulled himself out of the hole and dusted himself off. Kakashi wondered if a talk about wardrobe choice was in order. Wearing white was just a stupid move. Basic ninja blacks were really the way to go: dirty or not, they still would look better than Sasuke did. He would never be able to get all the dirt out of his shirt now…or would he? Kakashi watched as Sasuke activated a strange, low-powered lightning jutsu. All the dirt fell out of his clothes.

Kakashi looked closely and smothered a smile. Fine hairs of static electricity pushed through the fibers of the cloth, knocking the dirt out at the same time. When Sasuke reached for a kunai jammed in the ground, the energy dissipated with a crack. Sasuke shook his hand and flexed it. Kakashi could see he fought the urge to suck on the finger that had touched the metal. His hair was starting to float upward, still full of static. Obviously Sasuke hadn't polished his technique enough. Kakashi filed the idea away for later-- maybe the energy could be encouraged to go up into a cloud, like real lightning?

No matter. Kakashi was impressed with Sasuke's finely controlled use of chakra. This was nothing like what was needed for a fireball, or even the Chidori. Sasuke had taken his normal brute force and split it infinitely to be able to remove grains of dirt without destroying his clothing. Kakashi wondered where he had learned it. He tried not to think about what practicing the jutsu had involved. No need to think about Sasuke disintegrating his shirt by accident. Really.

"So," said Kakashi. "Is that jutsu an Uchiha original as well? It must have taken a lot of practice."

He stroked his chin thoughtfully and tried not to act too interested. Sasuke stiffened and started to gather more stray kunai from the ground. He made a careful circle around Kakashi, never exposing his back. He refused to meet Kakashi's eye.

Kakashi sighed. Picking up kunai was a fair enough excuse to not look up. He chose to let it rest. He started looking for shuriken, always mindful of Sasuke's position and never leaving the inner circle of space Sasuke was avoiding. After a few tense minutes, Kakashi allowed his back to face Sasuke. Hopefully, giving him the tactical advantage would help him to talk about whatever it was he was tiptoeing around. Kakashi had a sneaking suspicion that he already knew what it was.

They piled up the weapons and sorted through them. They were figuring out whose were which when Sasuke coughed: it was a clear preamble to starting a conversation. Kakashi silently approved. It was smart of him to wait for the ANBU watchers to disband. Kakashi had known, a short while before, when Sasuke had decided to talk: he had straightened up and slowly stopped circling Kakashi. Keeping casual until the ANBU had left had been the hard part.

"You've seen the reports, I assume," said Sasuke.

His voice was subdued, the lack of inflection telling Kakashi that he was trying, and failing, to put distance between his words and himself.

"I've read all the reports," said Kakashi. "You mean the prison ones, yes?"

The air under the trees was heavy and green and quiet. Sasuke breathed it deeply into his chest. Kakashi swiped a rag at the kunai in his hand, waiting.

"Yes," said Sasuke. "You know what they did to me."

Sasuke stopped for a moment. He stared down at a shuriken in his hand, as if this was the first time he'd ever seen one. He turned it over and over, trapping it flat between thumb and palm.

"What they felt they had to do," he said. "It wasn't …directed at me personally."

Kakashi could tell that Sasuke had been working this thought over for a long time, forcing logic onto it and fighting the instinct to blame his jailers. Kakashi dropped the kunai into his pouch with a clank. He leafed over the reports in his head. Sasuke had been shackled and sealed and drained of all but the smallest amounts of chakra. The administration had found him to be too difficult to handle otherwise.

Kakashi continued to wipe down kunai. He noticed Sasuke had stopped working. Or had never started. At this very moment, he wasn't sure if he should encourage him to talk, or, for that matter, if he even wanted Sasuke to continue. Kakashi wished that he hadn't said anything in the first place.

A bird flapped noisily nearby and Sasuke startled, throwing a kunai in its direction. A vaguely guilty expression flitted across his face.

"Don't worry," said Kakashi. "You didn't hit it."

Sasuke frowned.

"I meant to," he said. "And I should have. All that time…there. I fine-tuned my physical control too, not just my chakra."

Sasuke hunkered down over the pile of weapons again.

Kakashi was quiet for a few more minutes. He wished that Sasuke could have learned to control himself some other way in some other place and time. Kakashi watched the leaves in the canopy up above as they moved and showed off little bits of the sky now and again as a breeze rose and fell. Then his attention fixed on a beetle. It trundled along in the dirt, coming from one direction and going another, its hard shell shining even in the diffuse light on the forest floor.

"Time to go," Kakashi said.

He stood and stretched. He shoved the rest of the weapons, the ones they hadn't gotten to, into a different bag.

"We'll take care of these when we get back," he said.

Sasuke got up and fell in behind Kakashi. Kakashi didn't like having him at his back, but it was necessary. For the time being, Sasuke was still too paranoid to allow anyone to walk behind him.

Before Kakashi had taken a single step toward Konoha proper, Sasuke cleared his throat. Kakashi didn't turn around. He'd half expected Sasuke to do something like this, to make one last confession.

"When they came to take me out of my cell, at the end," he said.

Sasuke's voice wavered. He coughed and continued, voice softer than before.

"At the end, they actually looked inside the cell," Sasuke said. "Nobody, not one of them, could figure out how I'd managed to scorch the walls."

The old Sasuke would have been smug about this, Kakashi knew. This Sasuke, though…this Sasuke sounded tired and a little bitter. He had suffered, and it showed. Kakashi knew suffering too. He shook his head. He couldn't afford to feel anything for Sasuke that might blind his judgment of right and wrong. Kakashi needed to be alert and aware in case Sasuke went rogue again. He had to keep empathy out of his mind.

Both men were silent on the way back to Kakashi's apartment.

  


That night, Kakashi's dreams resonated with Sasuke's painfully concise footnote about his prison sentence. He dreamed of dark places, of past capture and interrogation. White Fang. He dreamed of his time in ANBU. A dizzying maze of corridors and shadows and silence. Flickering torches everywhere. The heavy footfalls of pursuing nin. Dripping water echoed. Or was it blood? Moldering stone passageways blocked by the dead. Obito. Konoha burned and burned. The ashes stung his eye as Sasuke left for Sound. He had to stay quiet! No one could know he was here. He ground his teeth every time a patrol approached. This time, this time the enemy nin would kill him. His fingernails broke on the stones and still he clawed. He had to get out of this place.

When Kakashi woke, covered in sweat and biting back any noise he might have made, he had a thought, spurred on by the dangerous place the dreams had left him. He and Sasuke could build a house. They would be safe if they had their own house. Kakashi considered getting out of bed and waking Sasuke up, but he was still trembling from what he'd seen in his sleep. He had to be rock steady with Sasuke, couldn't show weakness. The house would keep. Sasuke, sleeping on the couch, could wait. Kakashi lay waiting for the predawn light to turn into day, counting each breath, making them as deep and steady as possible.

And, even as he heard Sasuke toss and turn, gasp for air, wake and fall back asleep, Kakashi stayed as still and as quiet as he could and made no move to comfort him. It wasn't his place now, probably never had been, even back when team seven was undivided by experience and time. Sasuke could deal with his own nightmares, and Kakashi would tend to his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For some reason, I'm having issues getting the break tags to display properly...*sigh* I'll come back at a later time and see if I can get them to work. Also, I feel like apologizing for the fade-to-black fight scene. It's really not my forte, and I fully admit to weaseling out of a fight scene if I possibly can.


	6. Chapter 6

Both men looked horrible when they sat for breakfast. Sasuke stared into his cup of tea and refused to acknowledge Kakashi. Kakashi spent fifteen minutes watching his rice go cold. He stole glances at Sasuke and wondered how to bring up the subject of housing. He stretched in his chair, settling into a purposely casual pose.

"Yesterday didn't go so well," Kakashi said. "Those apartments were awful."

He paused. He hoped Sasuke appreciated his forced nonchalance. He poked at his breakfast with one chopstick, disgusted. Grains of rice clung to it, and he tried not to think about maggots invading his bowl. It didn't work, so he continued his one-sided conversation.

"I thought today we'd--"

"I'm not looking at more apartments," Sasuke said. "It's pointless."

Sasuke still wasn't looking at Kakashi, but at least he was talking. He turned his teacup around and around on the table. Kakashi stifled a sudden impulse to make him stop before he spilled his tea. No ninja worth his salt would accidentally spill anything, though he wouldn't put it past Sasuke to do it on purpose.

"Did I say anything about apartments?" Kakashi said. "I want to talk about what we'll do today, not what hasn't been working for us all along."

He slouched into a different position and watched Sasuke think. Sasuke was starting to get a wrinkle in the middle of his forehead, and it deepened whenever he was thinking, or if he was frowning. Sasuke didn't smile much these days. He had always thought too much.

"Or condos," Sasuke said.

Now, Sasuke raised his head. His eyes met Kakashi's and flickered from black to red and back again.

"Don't even think about asking to live in my parents' house," he said.

Sasuke crossed his arms over his chest and frowned. As he pushed back from the table, his tea sloshed over the rim of the cup and onto the tabletop. Kakashi eyed the puddle, daring it to spread. It lengthened, reached the edge of the table, and started dripping onto the floor. Kakashi sighed.

He might have been intimidated if it wasn't all so ludicrous. Who would honestly expect Kakashi to live in that mausoleum, let alone Sasuke? Sasuke's rights to the Uchiha property remained, but that didn't mean he had to live there. Kakashi wondered if he had always planned on returning there to live out whatever life he might have had.

The tea filled a small line of grout in the tiling. To Kakashi's one eye, the spill started to look red. A metallic taste flooded his mouth. He swallowed and cleared his throat.

"As I was saying, I had an idea. A stroke of brilliance, even," Kakashi said.

Sasuke seemed unimpressed. Kakashi gave up his desultory attempt at trying to make it sound interesting.

"I thought we could build our own house," he said. "No landlords, no rent, no nosy neighbors, no shared bathrooms…"

He put on his best bored expression and waited for Sasuke to say--or do--something.

"Even the do---even a complete idiot wouldn't come up with that plan!"

Kakashi could see Sasuke was confused. The pre-wrinkle was back again, digging into the smooth skin between his eyebrows. Kakashi let him mull it over some more. He was sure this plan would appeal to Sasuke, if he could just work him around a little. After that, the rest was just details.

Kakashi gave up on the pretense of breakfast. He got up from the table and took his uneaten rice with him. He wrapped the leftovers and put them in the fridge between two other sets of leftovers. Maybe he'd feel like eating later, when his head was firmly in the present. He got a rag and started mopping up the spilled tea while Sasuke's eyes drilled into his back. It wasn't very comfortable. It felt like Sasuke was trying to peel back his skin to see what made him tick. Kakashi ignored it as best as he could.

"Aside from everything else, we haven't got anywhere to put a house," said Sasuke.

Sasuke got up and took his teacup with him to the sink. Kakashi wiped the table down. He wrung the rag out and hung it to dry over the neck of the kitchen faucet.

"The Forest of Death is a nice quiet neighborhood," Kakashi said.

He slid past Sasuke on his way out of the kitchen. Kakashi couldn't resist ruffling Sasuke's feathers, even if that meant Sasuke got angry. Especially if he got angry, because that proved parts of the Sasuke he had known were still there, despite everything. His suggestion wasn't entirely a joke, though. There was a lot of unused land near the forest. There were training grounds all around. It was private, set apart from just about everything that might set Sasuke off. (Except, of course, the spot where Sasuke had received his curse seal. Kakashi still wasn't sure what Sasuke thought about that. He wasn't going to ask any time soon, either.)

"It would be like survival training, really," Kakashi said, one hand on his chin as he leaned in the kitchen doorway.

"Working hard, camping in the woods for a while, in easy reach of giant centipedes and tigers, sharpening our carpentry skills…"

For a moment Kakashi felt nostalgic, but he shook it off. No use trying to pretend the situation was any different that what it was. Sasuke wasn't a little genin anymore, and he wasn't an instructor or team leader or whatever he could call his former job. He was Sasuke's shadow and constant companion. What that made Sasuke, he didn't know.

Trying to read Sasuke's face was both very difficult and very easy at this moment. Sasuke's emotions were written across it, but Kakashi was not, had never been, fully sure why Sasuke felt as he did. For the moment, Kakashi felt safe enough to get on with the day. Sasuke washed up the few breakfast dishes by himself and then started cleaning. He seemed intent on eradicating all germs and food specks from the kitchen, wielding the dishcloth with fervor as Kakashi looked on. Sasuke hadn't given him an answer about the house, but he hadn't said no outright. It was a step in the right direction, at least.

Kakashi compared the benefits of a nap with the benefits of being awake this morning and decided he needed the sleep. He abandoned Sasuke to his cleaning and retreated to his bedroom. He hoped that, when Sasuke finally made up his mind, he would wait until Kakashi was awake to tell him. If there was one thing he had learned over the past weeks, it was that Sasuke had gotten much more dangerous and much less predictable. Kakashi was a light sleeper, but it wouldn't give him much of an edge if Sasuke went irretrievably insane.

Kakashi lay down on his bed. He closed his eyes and tried to quiet his mind. The previous day weighed heavily on him. The very real possibility of his death at Sasuke's hands was never far away. Still, Kakashi was always prepared to defend himself, though he wasn't one hundred percent sure he could stop Sasuke without killing him if Sasuke were to truly try to kill him. It wasn't a comforting thought. Kakashi pulled up a blanket and rolled onto his side, waiting for sleep to come.


	7. Chapter 7

When the message came from the Hokage, Kakashi couldn't believe it. He looked at the paper several times, just to be sure. It was a mission, a bona fide out-of-the-village mission. No other person or group of people could do it as he could. Despite his ongoing responsibility for Sasuke, he needed to take it. He had a few days' advance notice to figure out what--and how--to tell Sasuke. For a moment, Kakashi imagined not telling him. He tapped the paper against his leg. He looked around. His bedroom door was closed, but he shut the window, just in case.

Sasuke didn't seem to trust anyone right now, and he certainly didn't extend trust to anyone he'd not had faith in beforehand. Kakashi snorted. That is, if it could be called faith, this thing that had brought and kept that grudging presence constantly at the edge of his awareness. He sat on his bed. Keeping an eye on Sasuke had to be the most difficult job he'd ever undertaken. He didn't like babysitting, and that was exactly what his orders were. Keep Sasuke out of trouble. Don't kill him. Try not to let him kill you. (Really, it was unfair because Kakashi was good, maybe even great, at killing.) He suspected that no one had planned for this exact situation. His grip on the notice tightened. The paper wrinkled up and Kakashi smoothed it out against his thigh. A darker, more cynical part of him thought this mission was a test: it was a bit convenient, a mission coming up like this so soon after Sasuke had been deposited into his care.

Kakashi still didn't know Sasuke well, and he fumbled just as often as he succeeded in handling him. Maybe this new mission was a better use of his skills. The village needed its strongest out there working. Still, he felt a twinge when he rehearsed his explanation and tried to imagine Sasuke's response. Kakashi sighed. Sasuke was a singularly difficult roommate and ward at the best of times, and he was entirely too quick to assume conspiracy. Even now, Kakashi caught himself sweeping the room for signs that he was being spied upon. He had caught Sasuke at it occasionally and was certain there were more instances when he hadn't. Sasuke would make assumptions if he found out about the Hokage's message on his own, and Kakashi didn't want any misunderstandings.

  


A week after they'd broken from their apartment hunt--one day after the notice had arrived--Kakashi was nearly ready to leave on the new mission. He'd given himself a little time to think about what to say. Sasuke wasn't an idiot. He'd know that Kakashi was leaving the minute the traveling packs came out. Kakashi decided this was one of those rare times that honesty really was the best policy. He was prepared to tell Sasuke everything he could about the mission and, perhaps, a few things he shouldn't, if that's what Sasuke needed or wanted to know. Kakashi dragged his packs out into the living room. He dropped them on the floor. Sasuke came out of the kitchen.

"I've got a mission tomorrow," said Kakashi. "It's not going to last too long. A few days at the most."

Sasuke looked at the partly loaded bags. He didn't seem very surprised, but there was something not quite right with his expression. There was a tightness in his eyes and the way he held his jaw that bothered Kakashi. He tried to soften what he had to say.

"I can't take you with me. You know that," he said. "But you'll be able to stay here, and it's only the usual four-man ANBU squad."

The knowledge that they would seal Sasuke's chakra hung in the air between them. Kakashi suddenly found himself unable to face Sasuke's sharp gaze. He cleared his throat and tried to pretend that, even now, the ANBU were not watching them from outside. Kakashi lowered his voice accordingly.

"I'll tell you about the mission, if you want to know," said Kakashi.

It wasn't much consolation, but it was all the reassurance he had to give.

Sasuke sat on the couch. Kakashi pulled up a chair in his line of sight, blocking the mission packs from view. He gave him a moment.

"Well?" he said. "You want to hear about it?"

Sasuke nodded. Kakashi sighed inside and hoped that, with this knowledge, Sasuke would be able to relax some. There was nothing either of them could do to prevent Kakashi leaving. Even if he could have turned the mission down, Kakashi wasn't sure he would have. He ignored a prickle of guilt. This was important and he had to do it. Sasuke would be fine. He'd be fine.

  


Kakashi left for four days at the height of summer. He made his way through the waving veldt of Grass country and into Earth. He was doing surveillance and groundwork for a further, later mission, which meant he spent a lot of time hidden in trees and behind boulders, waiting to see what he needed to see in order to make reports to the Hokage. Kakashi made judicious use of his Sharingan and mapped particular places of interest, but mostly he endured the tedium of waiting. Discounting the possibility of being found out, it was boring work. Hot, too. Kakashi felt sweat trickling down his neck. He didn't wipe it away as it inched toward his collar. There were too many people around now for him to be making unnecessary movements. It looked like the background information for this mission was accurate--they were building some sort of military installation, and swarms of people were coming and going all the time. Kakashi was careful to limit his activities even at night, when the largely civilian body of workers were least likely to see him. During the day he held perfectly still for hours, if need be. Kakashi was perched in an elm today, giving him both a great vantage point and a shaded hiding spot. It was almost comfortable standing with one arm wrapped around the trunk.

Still, knowing he couldn't move put an extra sting in every fly landing on him, every drop of sweat that rolled into his eyes, and every piece of grit that worked its way through his clothes to chafe him. Each urge his body gave him was magnified. Kakashi had to distract himself. Fortunately, he had plenty of experience at passing the time. His Sharingan continued to track the movements of the people and supplies and he was careful to keep a firm grip on the tree, but that left most of his mind free to think.

As someone passed underneath the elm, whistling enthusiastically, Kakashi thought about what a pleasure it would be to put him out of his tone deaf misery. Someone else did it for him, smacking the offender across the back of the head and into silence. Kakashi rolled his eyes. The whistler probably wasn't a ninja at all, as no ninja, low-ranked or not, would allow someone to hit him like that.

Thinking about civilians made him think about the disastrous apartment hunt…which led him to Sasuke. Once he came to Sasuke, he couldn't not think about him. Kakashi wondered how he was getting along. He imagined Sasuke doing all the sorts of things he normally did: housework, cooking, reading, sleeping. How was he coping with a lack of people to glare at? After all, the ANBU guards weren't exactly a visible presence. Scowling would be a nice distraction from the hard truths of the situation, though. Kakashi worried, just for a moment, that this house arrest was too close to what Sasuke had endured in prison. He tried to think of other things because in the end, Sasuke had survived.

The afternoon passed slowly, and Kakashi found himself in a strangely languorous state. He felt, distantly, that he should be more alert, but he couldn't quite force himself into complete awareness. A breeze relieved the worst of the heat, and he'd long since grown accustomed to the bark pressed into his flesh. Kakashi finished his Sharingan work at this location, and he pulled down his hitai-ate to stifle the nascent ache in his eye. He just needed to wait until dark, when he could slip away and make paper copies of his surveillance for the Hokage. He'd be free to make his way home after that. Kakashi could dispatch the scrolls with one of his ninken once he got a little closer to the Fire country border. This mission was turning out to be almost relaxing.

Kakashi started thinking about missions and, in a connected train of thought, Sasuke. Did Sasuke have a lot of mission experience? He had had a fairly average life as a genin despite his skill and genius. There were a few standouts, but mostly it had been catching pets and pruning hedges like every other genin. Who knew what Sasuke had done and had experienced after he'd left Konoha? It was obvious that he didn't have enough of a foundation in ordinary ninja work, which was the whole point of being a genin. Sasuke had gone haring off almost before he'd started, and he had come back with an aptitude for mayhem and little else. A ninja so one-sided couldn't fit well into the current society. If there had been a war on then yes, Sasuke could have been a valuable tool, but these days...he was worse than useless. Kakashi felt himself tense and grow angry.

The whole situation should have been preventable. Sasuke shouldn't have been allowed to leave. Kakashi should have kept better watch on him, should have sat on him harder, should have seen that their last confrontation wasn't enough. He should have known their conversation wasn't something that would protect Sasuke and stand between him and his hatred of his brother, Orochimaru's offer of power, and all the other dark things he had secreted away inside. Kakashi should have kept him safe, in Konoha.

He eased his grip on the tree. Shreds of bark flaked off and fell to the ground below. What a joke. Being a ninja was never safe. It was patently unsafe if you were any good at it, and Sasuke had been the best, the brightest, the most promising of his class. Anger welled up again, molten and thick. Kakashi struggled to control a sudden surge in his chakra. After all this time, Kakashi still couldn't understand why Sasuke didn't see that Konoha would have helped him. The village acted as a safety net for all its ninja and particularly the young, no matter that its people bled and killed and died in its service. Sasuke had desperately needed the stability the village offered, but he was the only one who hadn't seen that. Maybe he hadn't been capable of that sort of perspective then. Perhaps he still wasn't.

Kakashi continued to think dark thoughts as twilight fell. A small part of him still kept watch on his surroundings. When there was a minimum of people around, he started flexing the stiffness out of his muscles, group by group. He felt pretty good for having spent upwards of eight hours standing in a tree. It didn't hurt to be thorough, though, considering he was getting old for an active ninja. He didn't relish the thought of limping carefully all the way back to Fire country because he'd torn a ligament or strained muscles, or done something that warming up could prevent.

Between stretching and thoughts of Sasuke, Kakashi's attention wandered more than it should have. When he leapt down from the branches of the elm, the nearest guard was closer than he'd been anticipating. Crap. Kakashi took off into the countryside, using what cover he could find while the guards gave chase. He'd have to lead them around for a while and then ditch them without engaging because orders were orders, however inconvenient. He shook his head and wiped the sweat away from his eye. At least he could move around now. He was also thankful that his pursuers were mediocre chuunin at best. Even so, he would almost prefer fighting them to running. Kakashi sighed and kept moving, working his way toward home one stride at a time.


	8. Chapter 8

Kakashi strolled up to the Konoha gates. He checked in with the on-duty chuunin. They waved him on and Kakashi nodded; it was as close to a conversation as he generally had at the guard post. Then, as soon as he got far enough away, weaving through the crowds with expertise, he turned off the main street and leaned heavily on the closest wall. He felt underneath his vest. Even the lightest touch was painful. Kakashi sighed. He'd have to go to the hospital and have whatever those guards had managed to score on him tended.

Ordinarily he wouldn't have bothered. If the wounds had been really bad, he would have done some stopgap measures on the way back and then collapsed upon reaching the front gates. If the injuries were light, Kakashi would have let it get out that he was hurt, yes, but he would have milked his injuries to get some time off. He wouldn't find himself heading for the hospital as he did now. But there was Sasuke to think about where there hadn't been before. Kakashi frowned. It was thinking about Sasuke that had gotten him hurt in the first place. Best not to start again. He forced himself to a speed only marginally faster than his usual amble. His side protested every time he put one foot in front of the other, though any casual observer wouldn't notice. Kakashi needed to be at his peak to deal with Sasuke, that was all. Lazing around in bed while waiting to heal was not a smart idea. For one, he was sure Sasuke was not temperamentally inclined to being a nurse.

  


Kakashi checked in at the emergency room front desk. He tried to look unaffected and bored as his paperwork was processed, though he wasn't sure how successful it was: the nurses here were frequently uncanny. The waiting room was empty, but he hoped that he would be able to sit down in private somewhere. It was oddly embarrassing to be at the hospital when he wasn't dying.

A nurse directed Kakashi to an empty examination room. He was instructed to take off his clothes and don a gown. He considered claiming some sort of modesty if she seemed like she was going to stay in the room, but before he had a chance, a code came over the intercom and the nurse rushed out. The door slammed behind her. Kakashi shrugged and immediately wished he hadn't. He had an insistent urge to rub his side where it hurt the most, to try to alleviate the pain. To distract himself, he removed his gloves and stripped off his pants as carefully as he could. He toed off his sandals with a minimum of wincing. Kakashi was able to get out of his vest, but he struggled with the tight-fitting shirt beneath it. He was glad no one else was in the room. He wondered if the doctor would make him take off his mask.

Disrobing left him a bit short of breath. Kakashi decided that, in the interest of being a model patient, he would deign to sit on the exam table for a minute. The doctor would be late. Doctors always ran late. He'd rest a minute and then, somehow, wriggle into the johnny and be standing at the ready by the time someone came to examine him. Tying the johnny might be out of the question, though, given the way his side was protesting. Codes kept blaring out of the PA system. Kakashi ignored them. He considered throwing a kunai at the speaker. When he twisted around to examine the intercom, his body throbbed in warning. Kakashi speculated that the speaker was probably an expensive item and not easy to replace. He would spare it, this time.

He was still sitting on the table, waiting for a medic, when the door exploded in a hail of smoke and splinters.

Kakashi looked up from beneath the improvised shield of a tray that had held surgical instruments a moment before. Sasuke stood in the wreckage of the doorway. He looked paler than usual as he brushed ashes off his clothes. He hesitated a moment before crushing a still-glowing cinder on his sleeve, as if he were confused as to how it had gotten there. Sasuke's eyes were moving constantly and the Sharingan flickered in them.

Kakashi felt the ANBU land on the ledge outside the window and he relaxed minutely. He didn't take his eyes off Sasuke. It was nice to have backup today, even if it was costing him some dignity. Kakashi sighed. He wished, distantly, that he'd already put on the gown. At least his mask was still on. He tensed again, sending a twinge up his side as Sasuke stepped into the room.

"No flowers?" said Kakashi. "I'm in the hospital after all."

Inside, Kakashi was calculating how much time and space he'd need to subdue Sasuke, and whether Sasuke could kill him or only hurt him on top of his still untended injuries. He knew the ANBU wouldn't be able to intervene in time, but they could probably pull Sasuke off him after the fact. Kakashi took a deep breath, readying himself.

Sasuke turned his head sideways. He didn't look like he was going to attack, which was good, but he seemed confused, at best. At worst… Kakashi didn't know. Sasuke had been a few letters short of a post box before Kakashi had gone into the field. Now he appeared worse. Much worse. Kakashi hadn't realized how much Sasuke had improved since his release until now, the products of an apparent relapse standing right in front of him.

"I heard them saying you'd come back," Sasuke said. "But you didn't show up, and I'd waited and waited and now I'm here."

Sasuke turned his red, pin-wheeling eyes on Kakashi and then past him, to the ANBU in the window. He crossed the room and sat on the stool near the foot of the exam table. He was a yard away from Kakashi.

"They weren't going to let me come," said Sasuke. "But I broke the seal."

Sasuke glanced down briefly, and Kakashi saw a few smears of ink at the base of his throat and around his wrists. Kakashi snorted. Sasuke was lucky he hadn't blown his extremities off from the backlash. Still, maybe it had something to do with his disturbing appearance.

"Are you feeling well Sasuke?" Kakashi said. "If not, you're in the right place."

Sasuke looked around the room. It seemed to finally register with him that he was in the hospital.

"I'm a bit tired," he said.

Sasuke frowned and crossed his arms over his chest, daring Kakashi to speak. Kakashi's eyebrows shot upward before he could stop himself. If Sasuke admitted to weakness, it was undoubtedly much worse than it appeared. Sasuke would have gritted his teeth and passed off a severed leg as a scratch if anyone asked about it. Kakashi tried to be casual.

"Oh?" said Kakashi.

"You were gone," said Sasuke. "I couldn't sleep with them--" and here he gestured at the window-- "watching me. So I stayed awake."

"Well, missing a night's sleep isn't abnormal," said Kakashi.

His instincts screamed inside his head. Kakashi struggled to keep a calm expression. He knew the signs of a ninja on the edge of collapse, and Sasuke had them in spades. Kakashi had to keep Sasuke believing that he was relaxed, that nothing important was going on, or he might get violent. Three feet wasn't nearly enough space between them. Kakashi's skin crawled.

"But you still haven't told me why you're here," he said.

He had a sinking feeling. The longer Sasuke talked, the worse he sounded.

"I stayed awake as long as I could," Sasuke said. "When I got tired I went up on the roof and watched the stars. Except then it was raining but I couldn't go inside."

Sasuke shivered and drew in on himself. Kakashi made a quick sweep of the room for potential weapons. There were a lot, which could be either very advantageous or very, very bad if it came to a fight.

"They were waiting for me to go inside so they could go back to staring at me through the windows," Sasuke said, his frown deepening.

Kakashi decided that Sasuke was more than just tired. He looked sick, upon closer inspection. His cheeks had a light flush and all the skin Kakashi could see was shiny with sweat. Fine tremors rippled across Sasuke's shoulders.

When Sasuke was distracted by a nervous orderly peering into the room, Kakashi hand-signaled the ANBU detail. Did Sasuke do anything that might have made him ill? Kakashi was disgusted with the answers. Not only had Sasuke stayed up every night and cat-napped in the day, but he had sat unprotected in the rain for the better part of two days. Why hadn't the ANBU sent for a medic when Sasuke started getting sick? Not their job his ass. If Sasuke hadn't been sick and, Kakashi suspected, somewhat delusional because of it, he wouldn't have broken the seal and done who-knew how much damage to the hospital. Kakashi had no idea what else Sasuke might have done en route. Sasuke might not have been here now at all, as close to raving as he'd ever been, if the ANBU had done their jobs properly. Kakashi silenced the thought that it was his fault, for taking the mission in the first place. It wasn't his fault.

Eventually, a doctor came by and patched up Kakashi. She also gave Sasuke a look-over. Kakashi noticed the doctor's hands trembling as she made a show of not noticing the incinerated door. The doctor gave Kakashi medicine and instructions and ordered the both of them home. Kakashi got dressed as quickly as he could manage, flatly ignoring the way Sasuke wouldn't let him out of his sight even for that. They walked quietly along the streets of Konoha, Sasuke three paces behind. The whole thing with the doctor rubbed Kakashi wrong. Still, putting up a fuss and insisting on staying for treatment at the hospital would only make the other patients nervous--not to mention the doctors and nurses. Kakashi was more than ready to go back to his own, familiar apartment, even if he was going home with an edgy, sick Sasuke. He wanted to shower, eat something that wasn't a field ration, and then collapse on his bed for a day or three. Kakashi glanced over his shoulder and sighed. Sasuke had to come first, for now. Sasuke needed him. This conclusion surprised him with its simplicity, and the resonant sense of rightness that came with it wasn't something he could easily put aside.

  


Kakashi got Sasuke settled on the couch. He took his bags into his bedroom to unpack. As soon as he entered the room, he realized Sasuke had been in there. Things were slightly off: pictures just a hair to the side of their former positions; the covers on his bed at a different crooked angle; the door to his wardrobe not properly shut. And there, on the window, was a Sasuke-sized handprint. It had to have been deliberate, that lone print. Kakashi was furious, but it would be meaningless to take it up with Sasuke now. It was too late after the intrusion, and Sasuke was sick and in no shape to appreciate how angry Kakashi was. Kakashi had his doubts that Sasuke would realize his infringement even when he was well. He threw his dirty uniforms in a corner and polished kunai for a while.

When he had done enough work on his equipment to calm down, Kakashi noticed that it was time for Sasuke's medicine. He deliberately made noise coming into the living room. A well Sasuke would have thrown a kunai or two his way--annoying, but nowhere near fatal. Who knew what he might do while ill? Kakashi tried not to think about an out-of-control Mangekyou, provoked by fevered nightmares. He cleared his throat when he got within three feet of Sasuke's head.

Sasuke sat up quickly for a sleeping person. Kakashi was fascinated to see he was indeed asleep and not merely leaving his eyes closed. He didn't want to startle him awake, so he tried to slip the tip of the medicine dispenser between Sasuke's lips. He was surprised when it actually worked. He pressed the plunger down and the medicine hit Sasuke's taste buds. Sasuke's arm shot out, catching Kakashi's wrist in a hold so tight that it ground the bones together. He cracked his eyes open.

"Kabuto? What…"

He stopped and took a better look. An unreadable expression crept over his face.

"Next time wake me, or I'll spit it out in your eye," Sasuke said.

He let go of Kakashi. He took the plunger, swallowed the dose, closed his eyes, and was asleep again in seconds. His body folded back onto the couch. Kakashi fought against draping a blanket over him. What had Sasuke thought he was doing with the medicine? He was almost certain he didn't want to know. His hands moved almost before his mind could catch up, pulling a blanket over Sasuke's torso, even as his wrist bones settled back into place and the skin darkened into bruises in the shape of Sasuke's fingers. Kakashi dropped the corner of the blanket as if it were hot. Sasuke didn't need mothering. He stood for a moment. He studied his hands and, for once, they weren't what he expected. They were strangely foreign, grafted onto his familiar arms. Kakashi forced them down at his sides where he couldn't see them anymore. He went back to his bedroom.

  


Over the next few days, Kakashi did as Sasuke asked, waking him for medicine and water and soup. He also roused him during nightmares. Sasuke's eerie, half-strangled cries came right through the walls, penetrating Kakashi's sleep and dreams. He got used to Sasuke's hot forehead branding his shoulder during the short staggers to the bathroom so Sasuke could use the toilet and swipe at his teeth with a toothbrush. Kakashi drew the line at sponge baths, though Sasuke smelled terrible after the first day. And, while he wasn't a good nurse, he thought it said something that Sasuke didn't die under his care.

Sasuke recovered slowly. Kakashi was glad that he left some of his paranoia and bad dreams behind when the fever broke for good. Already he had learned more than he needed or wanted to know about Sasuke's time away from the village. He also now knew visceral details of Sasuke's imprisonment, things that had been unsaid in the dry facts of the reports he'd read. Sasuke would be completely humiliated to know what he'd said in his sleep. Kakashi burned with embarrassment for him. He wanted to forget what he'd discovered. Sasuke seemed to know he'd done something while he was sick, and so he went around acting as normal as he had ever had. Kakashi kept his best poker face up. If Sasuke ever got the courage to ask him what he had said, Kakashi had already decided to lie.

  


The next time the topic of a house came up, Sasuke said as calmly as he could without seeming desperate--a noble but unsuccessful effort--that he'd like to try it. Either they would succeed or not. In the case of failure, it would give them more time before looking for a new place. Kakashi suspected that Sasuke's imaginings of what the neighbors might have overheard recently had influenced his decision. It probably wasn't the most objective way to decide, but at least Sasuke had finally given him an answer. Kakashi didn't know how this would affect the unacknowledged tensions between them. He sighed. Like it or not, caring for Sasuke was his duty. If moving to a house in the middle of the forest would be best for Sasuke, then he was prepared to work hard to get them there. Besides. They were two S-rank ninja. How hard could it be?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope to goodness I'm not making too many silly mistakes in my editing. It should be pretty clean, but if you spot something, please let me know so I can fix it. I do my best, but I'm only one person. :)


	9. Chapter 9

A half mile out from the Forest of Death, Kakashi and Sasuke were building a house and getting nowhere fast. While they had the Hokage's approval to build and experienced architects and contractors looking over their plans--to make sure the house wouldn't fall down around their ears--they themselves were responsible for making everything else happen. Sasuke's paranoia, pride and, Kakashi assumed, inherent idiocy, meant that not only did all the work have to be personally inspected by Sasuke, but also that he and Kakashi were the only ones allowed to work on it at all. This slowed construction to a crawl. It was a good thing Fire country had long summers and short, mild winters. Kakashi was now expecting that the house would not be done until the start of winter.

Kakashi had made a nice flat piece of land via earth jutsu for the house to sit on, but the two of them had labored for a week to mark off and dig out for the foundation and cellar. He winced even now when he thought about how the two of them had struggled to agree on a plan for the building…and a suitable location. And materials. They had fought over just about everything, actually. Little decisions got settled with a quick, living room-sized spar. Big ones involved a lot of stubborn silence and prolonged psychological tactics. Sasuke was better at intimidating than he used to be. Kakashi had more patience and could wait out almost anything, especially when he thought Sasuke was wrong.

Both he and Sasuke discovered that ninjutsu was simply not designed for the sort of work house building required. They could cut through a swath of trees in ten seconds, but those trees were subsequently splintered into oblivion and completely useless as construction materials. (Not being wasteful people, Sasuke and he set aside the ruined trees for future firewood.) Superior physiology, dexterity, speed, and other myriad advantages of high-ranking ninja did not protect Kakashi from the dangers of carpentry. Having one eye made using a hammer damn near impossible, but hammering his thumb repeatedly was more than possible. Getting the nail where he wanted it to go was proving challenging. Admittedly, Kakashi could have used his Sharingan to copy Sasuke's elegant and flawless hammering technique. This wouldn't give him the muscle memory to repeat it correctly. He needed to train himself in this, just like anything else, and nothing would do but more of the same hard work. He bore it stoically as Sasuke hovered nearby. Kakashi couldn't fathom how such scrutiny was supposed to help. He was, however, glad that no comments, helpful or otherwise, broke the silence.

It was exhausting to do everything the long way. Kakashi had come back from A-rank missions feeling better. As gratifying as it was to see Sasuke covered in mud day after day, it wasn't nearly as satisfying as Kakashi had once imagined. Sasuke bordered on perfect no matter what he was doing. He was fast, strong, and seemingly tireless. Aside from the dirt, Sasuke didn't seem to be affected by the work at all. He never ran out of breath, though as the days wore on, Kakashi noticed more and more that Sasuke was prone to sweating. Not that Kakashi minded. It wasn't like Sasuke smelled bad. And he himself had no room to complain, considering how filthy he got every day.

  


Today, they were working to cut down some more trees for timber. They each had separate trees so that the likelihood of accidents was minimal. Kakashi firmed up his grip on the axe and swung. He'd spent some time observing Sasuke, watching how he planted his feet on the ground and braced himself with his legs. The kinetic energy rippled up through his torso, flowed along the shoulders and out the arms and, by extension, the axe. Chips of wood flew out of the cut, and every few strokes Sasuke stopped to brush out any remaining debris. Each time he did this, he resumed his stance. Once in a while, he wiped the sweat from his hairline onto his sleeve.

Kakashi modeled himself after Sasuke and tried to imagine how it felt to execute that seamless movement. It was a bit like learning a new taijutsu pose. The feet went like this and the balance went up into the calves. The abdominals and obliques moved to channel the force upward into the shoulders, to the arms, to the axe. Kakashi's blade bit deep into the tree. Not, he noticed, quite as deeply as Sasuke's, but it was much better than his first attempts.

"Not bad," Sasuke said.

The unsolicited comment took Kakashi by surprise. He left his axe in the tree for a moment.

"You're doing quite well yourself," said Kakashi.

What he really wanted to do was ask what this little round of self-congratulation was all about. He didn't need Sasuke's compliments. He was more than Sasuke's equal, even if Sasuke had the edge on him here. Kakashi made to pick up the axe again. He was preparing to swing when Sasuke spoke.

"Wait," he said. "Not like that."

Kakashi froze in place.

Sasuke crossed the forest floor between them, carefully giving the blade of the axe a wide berth. He stripped off his gloves. He molded his hands over Kakashi's around the handle and shifted their grips a little. After letting go, Sasuke walked to the trunk of the tree. He cleared out the cut, removing a handful of wood and bark. He returned to his own tree. He wiped his hand off on his pants leg, and the fabric clung to the sap on his palm. Sasuke shook it off. He donned his gloves and picked up his axe. Kakashi looked down at his hands and noted that Sasuke held his in an identical manner.

"You'll get a better result like that," Sasuke said. "Try it. You'll see."

Sasuke lowered his head and started chopping again.

Kakashi tried not to puzzle over what Sasuke had just done. He needed a clear head right now, and thinking about the whys and wherefores of Sasuke's behavior would not help. He tried using the axe with the new grip. The head thunked into the tree. He snuck a glance at Sasuke's work. He had actually gotten further into the wood than Sasuke that time. Kakashi thought about thanking him, but he had the distinct impression that Sasuke was now trying to pretend that he hadn't done anything.

For now, Kakashi would go along with it, though it all made him wonder. Where had Sasuke developed his aptitude for hard labor? Or was it more than simply talent? Sasuke wasn't shirking, that was certain. Did he like this sort of work, then? Kakashi was half-afraid to ask, but he was curious despite the niggling feeling that Sasuke might not respond well to this line of questioning. Kakashi decided to ease into it.

"Hey, Sasuke. You're very good at this sort of thing…" Kakashi said.

Sasuke grunted in reply. He didn't break stride as he let his axe fly at the tree trunk.

Kakashi stuck his axe in a log and leaned against another tree. It wasn't really break time yet, but he couldn't be as casual about this while he was working so hard to concentrate on what he was doing. Besides, Sasuke was at his back, wielding a bladed weapon, and Kakashi wasn't wholly comfortable with that if things went sour.

He waited a minute and then tried a little harder.

"I heard that only the harmless prisoners got to do menial labor."

Sasuke missed his swing and the axe landed an inch from the toe of his boot. A large bird squawked and flew away out of the trees, and the forest was strangely quiet. Okay. Maybe that was trying too hard for an answer.

"This has nothing to do with that," said Sasuke.

He picked the axe up again and swung it harder than he had before.

A chip of wood flew through the air toward Kakashi's forehead. Kakashi let it graze him. He decided he'd rather not find out what Sasuke would do if he were to use Orochimaru as a conversational goad. Kakashi picked up his axe again, and they worked in silence for some time.

"It was my father."

Sasuke's sudden, stark confession made Kakashi lose his rhythm. He took his cue from Sasuke and kept working.

"I work hard because hard work impressed my father," said Sasuke.

Sasuke wiped his brow and continued, head down and not looking at Kakashi. His face twisted into a frown. His voice was low and rough.

"Not that he ever noticed. Ita--my--he was all my father ever noticed."

Kakashi took the explanation at face value. It explained the work ethic, maybe, but it said nothing about the force of construction he was now. Kakashi sighed. Maybe he was just getting old. He pushed aside his questions for the moment and focused on chopping down the tree.

  


They worked in silence until lunchtime. Then Kakashi put down his axe and, before Sasuke could say anything about wasting time, slipped off to wash in a nearby stream. It was nice to cool down for a minute, to remove the flecks of wood and tree sap before he ate. It was also good to spend a moment away from Sasuke, alone in the greenness underneath the trees. As indefensible as a forest was, Kakashi liked these barked leviathans. With so many trees, it sometimes seemed as if they were pillars holding up the sky. Kakashi had always striven to be that sort of ninja; deeply rooted, reaching upwards to support something greater than the woods. He snorted. What ninja with his experience still thought like that? He dove under the water and swam. His thoughts floated away.

Kakashi surfaced and looked at the sun's position. He got out of the water. He toweled off with his shirt, which wasn't very effective considering how dirty it was. A closer inspection of his clothes made him decide to put off getting dressed until he was fully dry. Having wet skin would only transfer more of the grime onto him, though going naked in the meantime wasn't ideal either. He lay down on a smooth rock to eat. The stone was warm, the breeze pleasant, and the sun was making quick work of the water that pooled around him.

Sasuke hadn't come down to the stream, and Kakashi felt, guiltily, reprieved as he repacked the remains of his lunch. Sasuke was driven to complete the house and he often loomed nearby, impatience undisguised with even a veneer of politeness. Kakashi still hadn't managed to make him understand that he liked to take his time, even if Sasuke himself didn't need much in the way of breaks. A well-rested ninja made fewer mistakes and was less irritable to boot. Considering how abrasive Sasuke could be, Kakashi wanted all the patience and even-temperedness he could muster.

Kakashi rolled over onto a dry part of the rock. The heat from it was wonderful on his back. It was only midday, and he was already feeling the impact of his labors. Still, it wasn't like Sasuke didn't try to be a good working partner. He'd made a lot of restrictions about the work, but he did his best to do as much of it himself as possible. In fact, Kakashi often was forced to guess what Sasuke wanted him to do. Sasuke got riled up if Kakashi didn't intuit the proper order of things.

Kakashi was working on drawing out more verbal communication. So far, engaging in conversations hadn't done much except make Sasuke more recalcitrant. He was fairly certain that he could get him to talk if he kept at it long enough, but that would undoubtedly make Sasuke blow up in the worst sort of way.

The breeze picked up, shaking the leaves all along the bank of the stream. Kakashi plucked a leaf out of his hair and gazed at it before letting it drop to the ground. He was now practicing not talking, and it seemed to be working. Sasuke was making occasional efforts to talk to Kakashi that were not statements like "Put that log here" or "That's not even." Talking with Sasuke was still like pulling teeth, but at least he was saying something. Considering his own rate of success, Kakashi wasn't surprised that Ibiki's people hadn't had much luck in debriefing him.

Kakashi was dry now. He hopped down off the rock and started putting his clothes back on. He eyed the shirt with distaste. It looked bad, smelled worse, and was still wet from being pressed into service as a towel. He sighed. Looks like he'd be spending the afternoon shirtless. No sense in getting another one dirty today. He rinsed the offensive article in the stream and hung it on a bush to dry. A flicker of movement caught his eye and he turned, throwing a kunai at the same time.

It was just a squirrel. Kakashi relaxed and walked over to his boots. He frowned. It had chewed off a couple inches of one of the laces. He wished he'd nailed the fuzzy-tailed rat, but he'd aimed to scare, not kill. He'd pinned a couple hairs into the dirt, but the squirrel had easily pulled free in the time it had taken Kakashi to reach it. He wiped the kunai off and stuck it back in his pouch. He re-laced his boot, stretched, and headed back to the work site.

Upon reaching the clearing, Kakashi noticed something interesting. Sasuke was sitting on a tree stump, back to. Ordinarily he'd be pacing the clearing, waiting impatiently to get back to work. Kakashi took this as a sign of improvement.

"Yo," said Kakashi.

Sasuke jumped up, bad attitude radiating around him. Now this was more like what Kakashi expected. Sasuke turned, and the scowl on his face morphed into something less readable, more confused than anything else.

"What?" Kakashi said. He watched Sasuke eye him. Kakashi looked down to see what it was that had caused Sasuke's bemusement. Kakashi kicked himself. Of course.

"My shirt needed a wash," he said. "I didn't want to use another clean one."

He stretched out, swinging an imaginary axe once or twice for practice. He picked up his axe and his fingers found their way into the grip Sasuke had shown him.

"Your boot lace looks ratty," said Sasuke. "What happened to it?"

Kakashi stared hard at Sasuke then. He lowered his axe. It wasn't like him to notice small things like that--at least, he didn't make mention of such discoveries. Sasuke was industriously preparing to chop at his tree some more. He was avoiding meeting Kakashi's face, but that wasn't anything new. Kakashi glanced down at his boot. At that distance, he knew Sasuke wasn't able to discern the state of his laces. Crap. Sasuke had, obviously, been spying on him.

Kakashi wasn't sure if Sasuke was just being an idiot in letting him know, or if there was something else going on and this was the misdirection. Maybe he just didn't care if Kakashi knew. Sasuke had been keeping tighter tabs on him since he'd come back from the mission, but he'd thought Sasuke was over the worst of that. Kakashi decided ignoring the bad behavior would be best. He shrugged. If it worked for training dogs, maybe it would work on Sasuke.

"Well, there was a certain rodent gnawing on it," said Kakashi. "I defended myself, but it got away."

Sasuke held up a squirrel, the lace still in its paws even as it chattered at him.

"This rodent?" he said. "I saw it running by with what appeared to be some jounin-issue gear, so I caught it."

He took the bit of string and set the squirrel free. Kakashi smothered a few chuckles. Sasuke would be the one to stop a suspicious-looking squirrel in the middle of a forest full of squirrels and other forest-dwelling rodents.

"Thanks," Kakashi said.

He took the pilfered lace from Sasuke. Sasuke hesitated, just a moment, when he let go of it. It seemed like reluctance, which was strange.

"I have a spare," said Sasuke. "If you want it, you can have it."

Ah, thought Kakashi. That was it. It was a generous offer, as far as Sasuke was concerned, and Sasuke wasn't in the habit of making such gestures.

"Tell you what," said Kakashi. "I'll trade you the old one for the new one."

Sasuke nodded agreement. He fished the spare lace out of his nearby pack. Kakashi handed over the broken one and threaded the new one through the holes. He didn't see what happened to the old lace, but he assumed Sasuke would throw it out later, when they next went to town. There was a definite lack of trash cans out here in the woods.

Sasuke waited quietly until Kakashi hefted his axe.

"Let's get to work then, shall we?" said Kakashi.

Twin thunks echoed underneath the canopy. Kakashi was, for once, comfortable with the relative silence. They didn't talk for the rest of the afternoon.


	10. Chapter 10

It was the last week of October, and the house was finished. Kakashi stood in the middle of the first floor, surveying the empty space critically. The afternoon sunlight made the room glow. Kakashi watched a particle of dust drift into a groove in the floor. He sighed, looking at the stack of shoji and fusuma that had yet to be erected. At least the upstairs was done and their bedrooms were, blissfully, walled off. They could argue about the division of the main floor later, once they had actually moved. It was a little hard to imagine where all their possessions would go. The room looked so big like this, the floorboards running off into infinity, the walls blank canvases. Kakashi looked up. Even the ceiling was impersonal. The smell of new wood permeated the air. He found it hard to breathe, suddenly, and so he went outside.

Kakashi nearly ran into Sasuke three feet from the door. Sasuke was just standing there, a hand shading his eyes from the sun as he stared up at the house. His chest barely moved with each breath, but Kakashi could see the pulse pounding at his throat, saw the flickering of red in his eyes. He looked stunned. Kakashi felt much the same, though probably for different reasons. Even if Sasuke could explain himself, Kakashi wasn't sure he'd understand Sasuke's reaction laid out in logic.

He felt a sudden pity for the young man in front of him. Sasuke didn't make changes easily, and now, suddenly being done with the house brought the hazy, far-off idea of someday living in it crashing down into the present. Kakashi stood beside him for a few minutes, watching the sun grow weaker behind the house. Hesitant, he reached out a hand, made to touch Sasuke's shoulder and wavered. He felt the warmth of Sasuke's body an inch from his fingers. Kakashi stretched himself out, instead, and hoped Sasuke hadn't caught his abortive gesture. He didn't want pity or his reassurances, Kakashi was sure.

"Let's go back to the apartment," said Kakashi. "we'll start packing in the morning."

A chill breeze picked up. He thought he saw Sasuke shiver. Sasuke's hand dropped to his side, away from his face.

"In the morning," Sasuke said.

His eyes narrowed as he looked at the house one more time. He turned his back on the building.

It sounded like a death sentence, coming from him. Kakashi wanted to tell him to grow up, to get over himself, but it was at least nine years too late for that. Kakashi pivoted on one foot, putting Sasuke behind him. He couldn't convince himself that this move wasn't a rejection, in some way. Sasuke was suspiciously quiet. His eyes drilled into Kakashi the whole way back to town, and Kakashi felt no relief that night as he left Sasuke in the living room and closed his bedroom door.

  


The next day, Kakashi began packing in his bedroom. He opened his wardrobe. All his uniforms fit in one box. His civilian clothes filled less than half of another and, for a moment, Kakashi pondered trying to cram the clothes all into one box. His photographs and books and the contents of his desk went into a third box. He took down the art on the walls. He rolled it up together and stuck it in with his civilian clothes. Kakashi tossed in his alarm clock and, as an afterthought, carefully placed his potted plant in the box as well.

The room was bare, save for the still-made bed. He glared at the shuriken-print blanket. He'd have to get another box. It was an unprecedented event. When Kakashi had moved into this apartment, in anticipation of Sasuke's release into his custody, he'd only needed two boxes for everything. He had twice as much stuff now in the bedroom alone. He felt smothered. Kakashi was sure it was somehow Sasuke's fault. He sat on the floor and examined the dust bunnies under his bed.

Sasuke had had three boxes' worth of stuff already when he'd come under his supervision, and Kakashi was sure he had only added to it over time. Kakashi could truthfully say that most things in the apartment were not his. Sasuke owned many books, lot of pots and pans for cooking--and really, what was wrong with having just one pot?--and a veritable mountain of bedding. Kakashi didn't remember Sasuke carrying an especially large bedroll on missions, but then, that was on missions. Carrying more than strictly necessary was tiring in a way no ninja on assignment could afford.

Kakashi slid under the bed with a rag, intent on eradicating the dust. He didn't usually pay attention to the furniture, let alone what was or was not underneath it…not that he had much furniture to contemplate. There was the eating table and its two mismatched chairs. He had his desk and bed and the desk chair and a stray ottoman. More recently, he'd acquired a futon and a pair of end tables to make it look less insignificant while it floated in the middle of the living room's space.

Now that Kakashi thought about it, the futon was Sasuke's too. It was Sasuke's bed more than it was a place for company to come and sit, for all that Kakashi had paid for it. During the day, Sasuke kept his bedding stored in a cupboard. Every night he straightened the frame and made his bed, and every morning he folded it all up again. It was amazing how the covers never dragged on the floor: they sat two feet high over the cushion even when Sasuke wasn't in bed.

Kakashi didn't know how anyone could sleep like that. He himself had had the same, solitary blanket for years and years, long enough for him to have forgotten when he first slept under it. It was a long time. He'd had it all through his last apartment, but what about before then? He swiped at the dust with the cloth, stirring it up enough that he sneezed twice. It was so hard to remember what he'd done before his previous place. Kakashi hadn't had the blanket while he had lived under his father's roof. By the time he moved into his first apartment, he'd been busily working his way up to jounin status and that was all that stood out from those dark times. Kakashi wriggled out from underneath the bed and tried to ignore the way his hand was trembling and shaking dust from the cloth back onto the floor.

Kakashi tossed the rag and stretched. He tipped the alarm clock face-up in the box. He'd wasted half the morning on unpleasant memories, which was half a morning more than he'd intended to waste. Time to see how Sasuke was doing.

When Kakashi entered the living room, he was unpleasantly surprised. Everything looked exactly the same as it had the night before. The empty boxes were still stacked neatly by the entrance. Sasuke was, technically speaking, still in bed. He was stretched out, fully dressed, over the seat of the couch. His blankets were nowhere in sight, and Kakashi presumed they were in their cupboard. Sasuke cracked an eye open, fixing it on Kakashi.

Kakashi felt challenged by the look in that eye. It said "You can't make me pack." Kakashi itched to do it, to somehow force Sasuke to fill boxes. It was irrational, he knew, but he couldn't stop thinking about it. There were jutsu designed to puppeteer, to manipulate, to convince and coerce. He could, in theory, invade Sasuke's mind and make him think packing was his idea all along. Or he could leave Sasuke's awareness intact and just pilot his body. That, though, would be crossing all kinds of boundaries, all of them bad.

As much as Kakashi wanted, he couldn't force Sasuke to pack. So he settled for the next best thing: Kakashi started to do it for him. But, as soon as he had put a single book into the first box, Sasuke was behind him, holding a kunai to his throat. Kakashi let out a breath. The edge scraped the fabric of his mask. Anger and murderous intent radiated out from behind him. He idly wondered whether it was a good thing or a bad thing the kunai wasn't as sharp as it might have been.

"Put it down," said Sasuke.

Sasuke paused. Kakashi felt the blade at his neck shiver. He heard Sasuke's knuckles creak. His grip on the haft firmed and the kunai pressed a little closer.

"Please," Sasuke said. "Put it down."

His breath washed unevenly over the nape of Kakashi's neck. Kakashi dropped the box to the floor and, moving slowly, nudged it away with his foot. He was clear of it.

"I'm assuming this is what you wanted," said Kakashi. "If you wouldn't mind…"

Sasuke removed the kunai, easing the blade away from Kakashi's neck. The point caught on a fold of fabric and made a little slice. It was undoubtedly intentional and Kakashi resented it.

He made a strategic retreat to his room before he let his temper get the best of him. He could feel Sasuke still boiling in the living room, which was not especially out of the ordinary, even if the preceding act was. Kakashi sat down on his bed to think. He fingered the tiny hole in his mask and frowned. That Sasuke didn't want to pack was obvious. Yet he seemed perfectly fine with the concept of living in the new house. Sasuke wasn't an idiot. He had to have realized moving meant packing up at the old place and unpacking in the new.

The conclusion Kakashi suddenly came to was so obvious that he was amazed he hadn't seen it earlier, kunai to the throat aside. Sasuke didn't want him looking at (or touching) his belongings. This begged a new question: why? It wasn't like Kakashi didn't know almost everything there was to know about Sasuke's possessions. He knew what Sasuke had brought with him in those first three boxes. He also knew what Sasuke had bought in the intervening months and there was nothing unusual there.

Kakashi poked his finger through the hole in the mask and sighed. He dug through his uniforms, found another mask. They had to be out of this apartment in five days. He needed to encourage Sasuke to pack. He would keep his eye peeled and see if he could figure out what it was, exactly, that Sasuke was hiding. Maybe Sasuke would slip up and give it away. Kakashi removed the old mask and put on the new. He was prepared to wait as long as it took, and Kakashi knew he could outlast Sasuke's patience.

He got off the bed and sat at the desk, resting his feet on a box while he thought. He knew that Sasuke kept kunai tucked into his pillowcase at night and that a garroting wire kept the edge of Sasuke's collar stiff. Sasuke collected and burned the detritus from his personal grooming, which was intimate and strange when he thought about it, but Kakashi knew it anyway. He had the altered shape of Sasuke's curse seal memorized, despite its being disguised with both genjutsu and physical means. He knew some of the forms Sasuke's nightmares assumed. In this life, Sasuke didn't have the luxury of secrets, not yet, not this early in his reintroduction to the society he'd spurned and tried to destroy. If he had hidden anything from Kakashi, anything at all, it had to be bad. Kakashi was uneasy with that thought and, try as he might, he couldn't put it aside.


	11. Chapter 11

Overnight, Sasuke began making calculated demands on Kakashi's time. They were out of the only kind of mushrooms Sasuke ate--enoki--so go to the store and get more. He had heard that the bookstore had just received a few copies of the commemorative Icha Icha Anthology. Wouldn't Kakashi like to go check it out? Sasuke knew Gai was back from a mission and was looking for a challenge, so he'd probably have a better chance of avoiding Gai by not being at home all the time. And, somehow, Sasuke knew all this without going outside.

It didn't take a genius to see that Sasuke wanted Kakashi out of the apartment. Not that Sasuke would ever ask him to leave. Sasuke was too passive aggressive for such a conversation: it was more his style to continue to block any attempts Kakashi made to pack. Sasuke wasn't really tall enough to loom convincingly, but he managed it somehow. He spent a lot of time driving Kakashi out of the common areas of the apartment by being so...something. Silent. Irritating. Not precisely intimidating, but certainly un-ignorable as he dogged Kakashi's every move in the apartment. It was ridiculous that Sasuke was acting like this. Worse than that, in Kakashi's opinion, was that it was working. Sasuke's behavior halted all moving progress. Kakashi needed to adapt. Clearly his usual methods of dealing with Sasuke--namely, ignoring the problem until Sasuke came to him to confess--were not right for this situation. He was determined to get to the bottom of it before Sasuke's deliberate inactions got them evicted or worse.

Kakashi mixed up his routines. He started to come and go without warning, but he didn't surprise Sasuke in the act of doing whatever it was he was keeping secret. He tried setting up traps with shadow clones, and Sasuke turned out to be elegantly efficient in dispatching them. Kakashi disguised himself. Sasuke found him out. He set his dogs to watch him, subtly of course. Sasuke bribed them with treats. Kakashi used genjutsu, but Sasuke was not fooled.

Although he considered himself to be a creative person, Kakashi was running out of plans. He concluded that the best approach might be the most direct: the one thing he hadn't yet tried because it seemed too simple to work. By the time Kakashi had exhausted all his other ideas, Sasuke had finished in the bathroom and living room. He had, in both those rooms, packed up the contents without protest as Kakashi looked on. Thus, Kakashi knew that Sasuke was done with whatever he was hiding. He exuded a certain smugness when asked how the packing was going. It infuriated Kakashi and spurred him on. The kitchen was his last chance and he refused to walk away. Kakashi needed to know what Sasuke was hiding, and so he put his plan into action.

Kakashi transformed a clone into a potholder and snuck it in with all the other implements in the kitchen that were laid out and waiting to be boxed. So that Sasuke wouldn't cotton on too quick, Kakashi threw in some verbal misdirection. He gave himself imaginary points for using the truth.

"You want me out, so I'm going," he said. "You've got one hour before I come back."

Kakashi brushed past him on the way to the door. He left Sasuke staring after him.

  


Kakashi's potholder clone, laying innocently on the counter, was a first-hand witness. Sasuke stood, not moving, in the middle of the kitchen for fifteen minutes. Then he closed the blinds on the window over the sink. He kept looking around the room, as if he suspected someone would come in at any second. Sasuke began opening cabinets and drawers one by one, all the while checking over his shoulder. He fished around inside each open cupboard with one hand, sneaking something out in his closed fist. Sasuke did this half a dozen times all over the kitchen before coming to the drawer underneath the disguised clone. He eyed the potholders for a long moment. He opened the drawer. Sasuke reached in and pulled his hand out again, and Kakashi transported in behind him and grabbed his wrist.

He found himself clutching a potholder instead, and Sasuke was across the room, looking hunted. A kawarimi was only effective for a few seconds at best, and that was only if the caster had somewhere to run. Sasuke had no escape. Kakashi threw the potholder and Sasuke sneered as it hit him in the face. The henge came undone and Sasuke was sandwiched between Kakashi's clone and the real man. Kakashi felt Sasuke's pulse speed up. It hammered like a moth beating its wings against glass.

"What have you been hiding?" said Kakashi. "Drugs? Money? Forbidden techniques?"

Sasuke fought as much as he was able. His chakra spiked and flared and raged within the confines of the kitchen. He was apparently much more concerned with preserving whatever he held: Sasuke had unprecedented opportunities to disable Kakashi, but that would have taken both hands. As it was, he scored several good kicks and one-handed hits before Kakashi got a real hold on him. He pinned Sasuke against the side of the refrigerator. He pried Sasuke's fingers apart and Sasuke looked pained. Kakashi must have hurt him more than he might have intended to, but he told himself it was worth it as Sasuke finally gave way and opened his fist.

Kakashi stared. He blinked and stared some more. He sighed and let Sasuke go. Sasuke edged past Kakashi, cradling his full hand against his chest as he put a yard of space between them. Dark bruises blossomed around his wrist. Kakashi could see Sasuke's pulse fluttering at the base of his throat, could smell the sweat beading at his hairline. Fear crept into Sasuke's chakra even as he retreated further.

It didn't make sense. What Sasuke was protecting didn't make sense. Kakashi tipped up his hitai-ate to be sure. A tangle of hairs, a couple pieces of gravel, presumably from the flower beds outside the building, some wood shavings, a dried-up maple leaf. Why was he hiding that? Kakashi was reminded of the reports he'd seen. When Ibiki's people had searched Sasuke at the beginning, they had found a few twigs and dried pieces of grass in his pocket. Some idiot had dumped the stuff in the waste bin and Sasuke had put that ninja into the hospital with a crushed femur and two fingers shorn off. After that, they'd instituted the policy of draining his chakra and immobilizing him completely during questioning. Still, that history didn't explain why Sasuke had collected the flotsam in the first place, why he had these things now, years later.

"Turn out your pockets," Kakashi said.

Kakashi crossed his arms over his chest. He could wait as long as he had to, but his patience was worn thin and he just wanted this to be over.

Sasuke glared, but he obeyed. Placing it piece by piece on the counter, Sasuke dragged out the presentation as he emptied his pockets of everything he'd collected from his kitchen hiding places. When Sasuke finished, there was a sizeable mound of the shinobi equivalent of pocket lint: scrids of wire and a length of boot lace; more rocks and long-dead vegetation; some twine, actual lint and desiccated cloth scraps; a broken writing brush; chips of ceramic from a teacup shattered weeks ago; and other less identifiable odds and ends.

Kakashi moved closer to the collection, and Sasuke tensed. The Sharingan was constant in his eyes. With a sinking feeling, Kakashi recognized the boot lace. It was his, or at least it had been. He mulled it over as he bent towards the pile. It still didn't make sense.

"Don't," Sasuke said. "Please."

He looked torn between rushing forwards to stop Kakashi and running away. He vibrated with tension, and the dissonance in his chakra made Kakashi's teeth ache.

"Why?" Kakashi said. "Why keep this? Why hide it?"

He pointed to the boot lace in particular and all of it in general. These things had value to Sasuke, no matter how strange it all appeared, laid out on the kitchen counter for scrutiny. Kakashi could only assume that he'd had similar stashes of junk in the other rooms as well. The idea baffled him.

"Because it's mine. I need it," said Sasuke.

Kakashi could tell he meant what he said. Sasuke looked more on edge than Kakashi had ever seen him. The tomoe in his eyes swirled, blurred together as Sasuke tracked Kakashi's movements. His fingers twitched almost uncontrollably. He was visibly holding himself back and waiting for some signal to gather his things. Kakashi didn't think he could curb his impulses much longer. The air crackled with Sasuke's chakra.

Kakashi gave the array on the counter one more look before he nodded. The tension in the air subsided as Sasuke's chakra receded. Sasuke let out his breath and started forward, sweeping the stuff off the counter and into his hands. He held it reverently for a moment and then looked into Kakashi's eyes.

"It's mine and I'd hurt you if you touched it," he said.

His Sharingan slowed, but it did not yet subside.

Kakashi digested this, considered the ninja Sasuke had hospitalized, the squirrel he must have compelled to steal the boot lace those months ago during construction, and the care Sasuke must have taken to avoid discovery while collecting and hiding all these things when they shared the same five hundred square feet of living space, day in and day out. Sasuke's dedication was frighteningly misplaced. Kakashi allowed himself to feel the tiredness that had been building up over the past few days, a tiredness he felt whenever some incident cropped up that required such careful handling.

"You wouldn't kill me?" said Kakashi.

However light his tone, Kakashi had rarely been more serious.

"I'd try," said Sasuke.

There was a sullen note in his voice. It was ugly. He curled ever so slightly around his burden, favoring it. His muscles tightened as he prepared for defense. Sasuke looked ready to snap if Kakashi got any closer. The kitchen faucet dripped, and it was deafening, that drop of water hitting the sink basin and gurgling its way into the pipes. Kakashi reached out and twisted the tap closed before it dripped again. He tried not to notice how Sasuke flinched as he drew his hand back from the knob.

As their focus stayed with the faucet, understanding leapt between the two of them. Kakashi relaxed a fraction. It was good that Sasuke realized how disturbed this was, how crazy it looked from the outside. At least Sasuke didn't actually want to kill him. It was almost flattering that Sasuke seemed to think he might not be able to take Kakashi in a fight.

Sasuke smoothed the detritus into a pocket and stroked the cloth over it, settling it into place. When his gaze met Kakashi's again, the red bled out of his eyes. Kakashi looked away first. He let Sasuke have that slight victory, though he left the kitchen with a parting shot.

"Can we get to moving now?" Kakashi said.

Sasuke froze. He gave Kakashi a look that he interpreted as "you're a blithering idiot."

"Well?" Kakashi said.

Kakashi crossed the living room and opened the door to his bedroom, leaving Sasuke still standing in the kitchen.

Sasuke grunted. Kakashi heard boxes scrape across the floor. He smiled and closed the door behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's funny, sometimes, how coming back and re-reading can change a person's perspective. I recently started printing paper copies of this story's finished chapters. And then, of course, I felt compelled to read the whole thing in one go, which turned out to be way more difficult than I'd imagined. And now, after another re-read for editing purposes, I'm kind of surprised. The last time I read through, I bemoaned how boring and dry the story was. But now...I'm happier with it. I don't think it's quite so bad as I thought it was. (I can only hope that you reader-type people aren't bored out of your minds.)


	12. Chapter 12

Even though the house wasn't very big, Kakashi and Sasuke still rattled around for a few weeks, trying to find places for things and for themselves. They each had a bedroom, and they shared the living room, bathroom, and kitchen. During the construction phase, Sasuke had argued for a week about which bedroom would be his: the one in the northeast corner. But, upon moving in, he decided that Kakashi's was better and he took it over--when Kakashi had poked his head in, Sasuke had already staked his claim with packs of gear on the floor. Kakashi merely sighed and kept unloading crates from the borrowed cart.

For a while, the boxes went round and round, parading through the house as Kakashi or Sasuke changed his mind about what should go where. But everything found a place for the time being, and Kakashi and Sasuke now faced the task of carving out niches for themselves.

Sasuke spent almost all of his time in his room. When he wasn't eating or showering, he sat on his bed or the roof above his room and stared into the perpetually dark forest. Kakashi was frequently in the living room, lounging across the couch and thumbing through the same books he'd been re-reading for years. When he tired of that, he went into the small cleared area in front of the house and made plans to develop a training yard there. The churned up dirt, left over from construction, had acquired grass and flowers and plants Kakashi didn't care to identify.

Sasuke yanked up the plants. When Kakashi asked, Sasuke gave him a two-sentence lecture. They were weeds, and yards don't grow weeds. Kakashi questioned the logic in this, seeing as most of the yard was in fact forest. Sasuke refused to stop pulling them up, and Kakashi decided this vigilante-ism was a tolerable character flaw. Besides, it ultimately helped his goal of a training yard. Those plants would all be plowed under anyway, Not that Kakashi was in a hurry. He savored the planning.

  


Today, Kakashi sat on a stump at the edge of the yard and surveyed the grounds for the hundredth time. He could feel Sasuke watching him from his spot on the roof. It was pleasant, silent camaraderie; Sasuke was quiescent, and Kakashi relished the calm. This sort of quiet morning was rare in his experience. He closed his eyes and turned his face to the sun, drank in what warmth filtered through the trees. Kakashi opened his eyes again and turned to look at the house. What sort of training yard would they end up building? Creating a training yard required nearly as much thought as that of planning a house. There were so many little intricacies to it.

Kakashi wanted it to be as naturalized as possible; in his travels, he'd seen indoor and outdoor facilities with varying levels of sophistication. He found the obviously artificial ones distasteful. Kakashi wrinkled his nose. What was the point of training in a space that would never, ever occur in the field? Kakashi wanted a visceral setting, one that punched him in the gut and declared its reality to his senses. He wanted the scents and sounds of nature around him, preferred the roughness of tree bark to the smoothness of a man-made climbing wall and sunlight to the incandescent floodlights of indoor arenas. He wanted to bake in the sun, freeze in the cold, and get genuine dirt all over himself as he tore through the forest while training. A chill wind picked up and his skin prickled as the sun passed behind a cloud.

All this was not to say that Kakashi wanted the training ground to resemble solely the forests of Fire country. He envisioned bits and pieces of foreign landscapes; the sand and rocky scarps of Wind country; the plains bordering Earth country with their six-foot-high grasses and deceptive horizons. Kakashi got to his feet and stood on the stump, as if he'd be able to see farther into the forest that way, to better see the possibilities hidden in the land. He knew there was no way he could replicate the mountains in Snow country, but he gave himself better than fair chances of success with the coastal marshes that led to the Water country archipelago. He also had vague notions of water features--slippery rocks to climb and leap across, water to walk on. The thought alone made Kakashi's heart pound harder with anticipated excitement. Briefly, he wondered if Sasuke had a favorite terrain.

These plans were time and energy consuming, which was, as far as Kakashi was concerned, good. There were plenty of other thing he didn't want to think too hard about, not the least of which was the distinct lack of training he'd been doing lately. He sat again, frowning as a pain shot from his kneecap down into his foot. He rubbed his knee and the ache eased.

Kakashi was approaching ninja middle-age. Despite no lingering injuries or much permanent damage, the hard life he'd lived for nearly three decades was taking its toll. He woke up with stiff joints and odd twinges assaulted him at all waking hours. These faded away after stretching and working out for a short while, but they kept coming back. Rainy days left Kakashi feeling wrung out, more tired than he felt he ought to be.

Kakashi told himself that it was just the adjustment to a lack of adrenaline constantly coursing through him. His body missed the lack of exercise real training provided. He felt like he was walking underwater half the time, moving too slowly toward a future he couldn't see, even with his Sharingan eye open wide and calling to the scattering of Uchiha blood in his veins. He flexed his hands and fisted them tightly.

Recently, Kakashi's left eye had started hurting again, like back in the early post-transplant days, when he had struggled to integrate it. The eye burned in the socket, seared into his skull and left him much weaker he liked to admit, even to himself. He tried very hard to ignore the un-ignorable parts of his life. Kakashi felt Sasuke leave the roof and go back inside. Exhaling, he forced himself to relax a bit.

He felt a certain amount of guilt these days, and it seemed to be increasing as he continued his policies of avoidance--just as he hadn't been training, Kakashi hadn't gotten within throwing distance of the memorial since Sasuke had come to live with him. He hadn't had time. Or energy. Or something else necessary to do what he had to do, what he felt driven to do. Whatever it was that had been missing before, he was recovering it. The guilt was relentless and the urge to sit atop the memorial stones unremitting. Kakashi was half-surprised at the guilt he'd accrued over the past months and how heavily it weighed on him. Kakashi squared his shoulders but, almost before he took his next breath, he was slouching again.

All the things he'd been putting aside did more than just distract him a little. He could have been killed, literally killed, dozens of times over because of that carelessness--by slipping up with Sasuke; by hostile nin while he remained only half-aware in his fugue of self-recrimination; or even in accidents that, under ordinary circumstances, would have been preventable. Even now, in his own yard, he was only marginally aware of the locations of the four ANBU guards. He was getting sloppy, and it was a distasteful and disgraceful thing for him to be. As much as it pained him to admit it, Kakashi couldn't keep ignoring his slide into decadence. He needed to go to the monument again. Kakashi nodded to himself. He gave the yard one last look and then went inside the house.


	13. Chapter 13

Instead of reading while on the living room futon, as he usually did on Thursday afternoons, Kakashi was using this activity as cover for planning a visit to the memorial. He had to figure out what to do with Sasuke. He could just abandon him to the tender mercies of the ANBU squad, but, frankly, it was an unattractive option. Kakashi couldn't just leave him alone-- not only would it violate his mission parameters, but it also broke the unspoken rules about leaving traitors, former or not, unattended while in the village. Kakashi shifted in his seat uncomfortably.

Could he bear to bring Sasuke with him? His visits were intensely private. While Sasuke and he had become close during their enforced and prolonged contact, the young man was still in many ways a stranger. A familiar stranger, perhaps, but nothing like a friend. Kakashi didn't have many who would be privy to this part of his life.

Come to think of it, there wasn't anyone who was that close anymore. Kakashi scratched his face through his mask. His fingernail snagged on a thread and he stared at it as it hung between the cloth and his face. There were a few people who knew that he went to the memorial on a regular basis, but not one of them knew exactly why or for whom. Kakashi got up and went to his room for a fresh mask, one without flaws.

Half across the threshold of his door, Kakashi paused. The photos on the windowsill caught his eye. He smiled, though the people in the pictures couldn't see it. He had been so isolated from his age-group. He'd been a jounin before most of them were genin, and while Itachi had been as quick a study, his genius didn't quite make up for the age gap between them. Kakashi stripped the old mask off. Besides. They moved in different circles. Kakashi had had a lot of solo missions, and Itachi…was an Uchiha. He was busy being groomed for the police force and leading squadrons and generally networking and being an obedient son. Until he started killing people he wasn't supposed to kill. Kakashi shrugged. They probably wouldn't have gotten along anyway.

He hesitated, then walked over to the window and its pictures. It struck Kakashi, in the instant he saw himself reflected in the glass, that his face was the face of someone else, someone he didn't know. He turned away from the window and He hurried to cover himself. After he put on a new mask, he turned the photos on the windowsill face down. Kakashi returned to the living room, not daring to look at himself again, not when he couldn't be sure of what he would see.

  


He settled onto the couch again as he pondered how much further he wanted to let Sasuke into his life. Yes, he'd willingly taken him in, but Kakashi hadn't realized how much more connected to the village he'd been until he suddenly had to limit himself to orbiting Sasuke. Lounging on the futon was a poor substitute for wandering Konoha's streets: Sasuke wasn't trusted anywhere, wasn't welcome anywhere, and by default neither was Kakashi. He was used to being invisible among the citizens. Somehow, Kakashi was surprised at how much people hated Sasuke. Bad feelings rose whenever people saw them coming, fog-like, palpable and wet and lingering long after the fact.

They lived in a house that they'd built together--and a nice one it was, Kakashi noted with pride as he glanced up from his book. But it was in the middle of nowhere because no one would have them. At any given time, Sasuke was no further away than ten yards. Kakashi felt claustrophobic thinking about it--not specifically because Sasuke was Sasuke, but because he was another human being. He had forgotten how exhausting and how tiring constant contact was. Kakashi rolled over on the futon and stretched his limbs as far as he could. It wasn't enough. He wanted some space, just this one thing that was his and not shared between the two of them. He sighed and shut his book. He didn't see any point in pretending to read any more.

Kakashi tried to fight down the resentment he felt. He was aware, peripherally, that Sasuke probably felt the same way. It likely was even worse for him, living with the understanding that one screw-up would be the end of the line. Making a mistake was remarkably easy when everyone around Sasuke was watching, waiting, and even expecting him to do wrong. Anxiety stole into the spaces between Kakashi's ribs as he tried to imagine himself in the same situation. He shook his head. Empathy would get him nowhere. He didn't need to keep thinking this way. Kakashi drew in a breath and held it as his heart pounded harder and harder, and sparks floated before him. He needed to focus because there wasn't anything he could do to help Sasuke survive; the point of survival had already come and gone. What he needed was faith, to watch and wait and believe that this now-grown boy would do right. Kakashi exhaled.

He wondered what Sasuke would say if he were given the choice whether or not to go. Sasuke didn't get a lot of choices these days. Would he ask a lot of questions? Might he prefer the ANBU watchdogs to sitting near the memorial? Kakashi's gaze slid out the window. He noted the faintly-there chakra signatures. Making this offer felt like he'd be holding out an olive branch. Kakashi scratched his chin. What would Sasuke make of it? For that matter, he wondered what the ANBU would report to their superiors. Kakashi got off the futon again. Only one way to find out.

  


Sasuke was out in the yard, motionless on top of a stump. Kakashi followed his line of sight to a dark place between the trees. There wasn't anything there, as far as he could tell, but it held Sasuke's attention well enough. Kakashi drew close to him. He remained standing.

"There's something I have to do," said Kakashi. "Something I've been putting off since you came back."

"Came back?" said Sasuke.

He sounded cool, aloof, but his chakra was agitated. Sasuke had had too many homecomings, most of them bad.

"Well, not came back per se," said Kakashi. "Since you were released from prison. And the hospital after that."

"Ah."

Sasuke's chakra stilled. Good thing too. It made Kakashi's skin crawl with its tightly leashed possibility of violence. Sasuke stood a fair chance of gutting him at this range, not that Kakashi wouldn't do his best to defend against attack.

"I have to go to the memorial," said Kakashi. "Unless you want to be babysat by them--" and here his fingers crooked at the trees "--you have to come along too."

"You don't want to take me with you," Sasuke said.

Kakashi knew it was a statement of fact, but that didn't mean it wasn't full of nuance and implication. He answered just as honestly as he dared.

"Not really. Mourning isn't exactly a spectator sport," said Kakashi.

Sasuke blinked twice. It seemed Kakashi had startled him. The corners of Sasuke's mouth dropped and his eyebrows knitted together.

"Did it ever occur to you that I might have my own dead to mourn?" Sasuke said.

Kakashi was silent. He buckled and unbuckled his weapons pouch for a minute, letting the conversation settle down into his patchworked understanding of Sasuke.

"Does that mean you want to go?" said Kakashi.

Sasuke shrugged. He kept his eyes on the forest.

"It's as good a place as any, I guess," he said. "But if I don't like it, I won't go again."

"Right then," said Kakashi. "Be ready to go by daybreak tomorrow."

Sasuke grunted.

Kakashi wanted to say something else, words suspiciously like a thank you forming at his lips. But Sasuke didn't deserve his thanks and so he did not speak. After an awkward minute or two of silence thick between them, he left Sasuke for the relative safety of the house.

Despite it still being a Thursday afternoon, Kakashi broke with tradition entirely. He headed for his bedroom instead. He locked and sealed the door behind him, stilled his breath, and listened hard for the scrape of bare feet against wood or the rustle of clothes. Sasuke hadn't followed him, for once, and Kakashi was glad. He sat on his bed and watched the trees. The forest was quiet. The wind barely stirred the leaves and the insects were complacent, calling sporadically in the warm sunlight. Kakashi stayed at the window until long past the fall of dusk.


	14. Chapter 14

The first snow of the year had fallen in the night. A certain chill in the air and a fresh, clean scent told Kakashi this before he even got out of bed. He rolled over and looked out the window. The snow, a bare inch, seemed fluffy, and yet it weighted down the edges of everything it touched. It blunted the rawness of their yard, muffled trees and rocks and gave everything a softer, lighter look. He got dressed quickly in the cold.

Kakashi rapped on Sasuke's door on his way downstairs. There was no verbal response, but a sluggish roiling of chakra told him everything. Sasuke was almost always peevish, though the cause varied from day to day. Starting out so poorly so early was unusual. Kakashi frowned, but getting the fire stoked was more important right now. He made no efforts to make his steps quiet. He was half-tempted to let Sasuke stay home. At the same time, it was important for Sasuke to live up to his promises, and he'd promised to come to the memorial today.

Upon arrival at the hearth, Kakashi prodded the coals inside the ceramic wood stove. He was glad he'd gotten into the habit of banking the fire over the past few weeks: he'd noticed the weather growing colder, but this snowfall was still unexpected. He laid down some kindling, opened the vents, and crouched, poker in hand, waiting for it to catch.

Sasuke came down the stairs just as Kakashi was ready to drop a couple pieces of wood onto the rebuilt fire. He noticed with some amusement that Sasuke made a beeline for the stove, heedless of the cloud of sparks sent up by the logs. It seemed he didn't like the cold, though Kakashi couldn't recall any similar behavior from his genin missions. This was probably a new behavior, then, one to be watched. The day was looking just a bit less bright as he adjusted the vents for a long, slow burn.

When Sasuke set a quick breakfast on the table, Kakashi put up his poker. He took the hot tea with a murmur of thanks. The rice, while left over from the night before, was still quite good. He made efforts to eat it, though he wasn't hungry. He noticed Sasuke struggling as well. Kakashi put his chopsticks down, drank his tea, and waited for Sasuke to capitulate. It was an awkward wait.

Sasuke finally gave up chasing rice around in his dish. He met Kakashi's upturned eyebrow with a glare. He quickly occupied himself with his tea, presumably so he wouldn't have to talk. Kakashi shrugged and stood.

"I'm ready when you are," said Kakashi.

This, of course, gave Sasuke the opportunity to continue his feigned irritation with Kakashi. Sasuke's ire, while real, was no fault of Kakashi's. He received the misplaced blame often enough to know that waiting it out--ignoring it--was the easiest and best course of action. Sasuke made a show of finishing his tea before he too stood. He re-wrapped the leftovers. Kakashi waited and deliberately did not voice his opinion that they would probably never get around to eating them. He was feeling thoughtful this morning. It wouldn't do to provoke Sasuke before they'd gone to the memorial--after all, Kakashi was trying his best to give Sasuke a fair chance.

They put on their sandals in tandem, crossing the threshold into the snow with a sense of truce between them, uneasy though it was. Without words, they headed into the forest toward their destination. The air was cold, but there was very little snow on the ground in most places. The trees were so large and thick here that their branches, and the leaves still left on them, kept the snow from the forest floor. The open glades and few bigger fields still showed quite a bit of grass through the thin covering of white.

Theirs were the only human footprints stretching across the quiet forest. Kakashi noted deer and rabbit trails, birds of all kinds, and a lone fox's tracks. He wondered if Sasuke had seen the same things. Probably not. Sasuke was looking especially grim today. His skin was almost translucent in the light of the not-quite-risen sun. It was pulled tight across the bones of his face and hands, and Kakashi couldn't tell if it was from the cold or something else. His hold on a kunai, if that were anything an outsider could judge by, strangled the weapon. Sasuke's fingers were thin and sharp, knuckles prominent where they wrapped around the hilt. Kakashi could hear the leather grip creak. It could have been just an adverse effect of the cold, but he doubted it. It wasn't cold enough for that. He let his gaze drift back to his own two feet.

"What?" said Sasuke.

"Oh, nothing," said Kakashi. "You looked a little chilly this morning, that's all."

The silence between them lasted for a few steps as they crunched through the half-frozen grass and snow.

"Of course it's cold," said Sasuke. "It snowed."

Though Kakashi didn't look at him, he could hear Sasuke rolling his eyes. That familiarity squeezed Kakashi's heart. That was the old Sasuke, genin Sasuke.

"I can handle it," Sasuke said. "It's not that bad."

His voice hitched at the end, cut off a thought which would remain unspoken. Hurt throbbed in Kakashi. He missed the old Sasuke at this moment, while at the same time he mourned and feared for the brittle young man before him. The old Sasuke had had an unshakable confidence, an arrogance that made all reassurances of his capabilities into boastfulness. This man, this stranger bearing Sasuke's face, was too quick to assume that Kakashi doubted his strength. That confidence he remembered was subdued or had been transmuted into something less pleasant. Kakashi tried to shake the feelings off. It was just because he was going to the memorial that any of this had arisen. Thinking about old teammates, missions gone wrong…the evidence of his latest--and perhaps greatest--failure was walking right beside him, and it was irrefutable. Here was something for which he had yet to atone. He might never, if things kept going the way they were.

They were approaching the clearing of the memorial, and Kakashi noted the instability in Sasuke's chakra had grown since this morning. It was a muddled, yawning hole inside of him.

"Stay at the edge of the clearing," Kakashi said. "Within eyesight, mind you."

He felt an immediate slack in the tension. No doubt Sasuke was less than eager to see, for the first time, the list of ninja whose deaths he'd had a hand in those few years ago. Kakashi wasn't about to rub his nose in it, either. It was this moment, more than any other previous, that told him Sasuke's morals were still alive and well, that he wasn't just some mad dog to be leashed and beaten into obedience, to be put down when he couldn't be controlled. There was something there to be saved, to be salvaged from the wreck Sasuke had made of himself.

Kakashi took the last few yards to the memorial by himself. He faced the list of names. Sasuke settled in somewhere behind him, and Kakashi began his one-sided conversation. His fingers traced the names graven into the stone. There were so many, too many where the lettering was still fresh and sharp against his skin. He breathed a sigh into the morning air.

"Obito," he said.

He cleared his throat, which had grown clogged and tight in the time it took to pronounce the name. A breeze kicked up a few stray leaves behind him. He took his time before continuing.

"It's been a while," said Kakashi.


	15. Chapter 15

The walk back to the house was even more silent than the one Sasuke and Kakashi had already had that morning. Sasuke just about hovered over the snow his footsteps were so quiet, and Kakashi caught himself listening for the sounds of breathing. It was eerie, watching the white plumes forming in front of their faces without any noise to indicate either of them had inhaled or exhaled.

The further they got from the memorial, the less disturbed Sasuke's chakra was. Kakashi had realized, on an intellectual level, that Sasuke didn't wanted to go with him. But until the pressure and bleakness drained away from Sasuke's chakra, Kakashi hadn't known how deeply that unwillingness ran. It brought a physical sense of relief to Kakashi, and it surprised him. He wondered how difficult it was going to be to get Sasuke to tell him that he didn't want to go again.

It was only upon entering their yard that Sasuke began to make noise while walking. By this time the sun was fully up and the snow slithered off the trees, half melted. Kakashi sighed as one blob hit him on the head. It was very cold as it trickled down through his hair and onto his neck. The snow remaining in the yard held the promise of slush and mud, should he and Sasuke do much within the immediate vicinity of the house. Kakashi took one glove off and swiped at the water that continued to seep onto his neck.

"Hey Sasuke," said Kakashi.

"What?" said Sasuke.

Kakashi looked up and froze. He forgot why he had one arm up, forgot about the cold, forgot whatever it was that had made him talk. Sasuke was walking in front of him. Not behind, which would give him the tactical advantage and not beside so that Kakashi was constantly negotiating the obstacle of his left eye…Sasuke was in front of him.

His back faced Kakashi and it had fallen victim to a few clots of the slush, the fabric there clinging to the skin underneath, translucent and slightly pink where it made direct contact. It was… Kakashi dropped his arm.

"What?" said Sasuke.

He turned to look back at Kakashi and Kakashi noticed how lean he was with the sun piercing his clothes like that. They hung perfectly, but there was little holding them up. Kakashi swallowed, blinked, and tried not to think how vulnerable he looked.

"Fine," said Sasuke. "Whatever."

He turned around again and Kakashi could see from the set of his shoulders that he was annoyed. He came back to himself after a moment. He cursed. This was the first time Sasuke had been trusting enough to show his back, and a very rare occasion where he had tried to keep a conversation going instead of letting it fade.

"I was just thinking," said Kakashi.

He was pleased that Sasuke stopped walking when he talked. Though he didn't turn, he was listening.

"We probably shouldn't be out in the yard today. It's going to be messy until we get a hard freeze."

Sasuke inclined his head in assent. The movement swept the hair across his neck, revealing an inch or two of the pale skin underneath. Kakashi forced himself to watch his footing as they picked across the yard and reached the porch. Sasuke opened the front door and went in. Kakashi lingered a moment longer, placing his hand on the door where Sasuke's fingers had just been.

They took off their sandals and Sasuke made for the warmth of the stove. It was much nicer inside than out, despite not having central heating beyond what the stove could produce. Still, Sasuke got as close to the heat as he could without singeing his clothing or burning himself. Kakashi busied himself opening shutters, letting in the morning light where he could. It didn't take long, and Kakashi brought the kitchen chairs into the living room.

"Thanks," said Sasuke.

He settled into the chair, and Kakashi sat in his. The fire was luxurious after the chill of the woods, and he joined Sasuke in his basking. After a minute or two, Kakashi noticed Sasuke was looking at him. Not staring, but flicking his eyes toward and away every so often. He had a pretty good idea what it was about, but if Sasuke wanted to talk, he should just talk and not bother with any of this weird sort of conversational foreplay. It was a little irritating, for one, and it wasn't going to move the conversation forward. Kakashi caught and held Sasuke's gaze.

Sasuke dropped his eyes and shifted in his chair.

"You already know," said Sasuke.

Kakashi let him collect himself. Sasuke took a breath, his jaw clenched, the muscles beneath his cheeks working.

"Oh?" Kakashi said. "Know what?"

"What I'm going to say," said Sasuke.

Sasuke crossed his arms, though the rest of him remained rigid in his chair. Ah. So that was the problem. Kakashi slumped forward and perched his elbows on his knees.

"Doesn't mean you don't need to say it," said Kakashi.

He didn't look over at Sasuke, but rather caught his reflection, distorted, in the glass of the stove's face. He was sure Sasuke noticed, but neither of them said anything about it. He waited. The fire continued to burn and Kakashi was getting uncomfortably warm sitting so close. He felt sweat beginning to gather at his hairline, though his hands and feet were still quite appreciative. Kakashi made to push his chair back, bracing his feet against the floor.

"Fine," said Sasuke.

Kakashi glanced over now. Sasuke seemed to think he'd been backed into a corner or handed an ultimatum. Interesting.

"I don't want to go back to the memorial," said Sasuke. "I didn't like it and I did say once was all I'd promise. You've had your once."

Kakashi said nothing, but he scooted his chair further from the fire. Sasuke frowned, then glared when he saw how much further Kakashi was pushing his seat. He held himself even more stiffly than before. Kakashi gave him a look.

"What?" he said. "It's hot over there. Too hot."

Sasuke began to relax then. It gave Kakashi even more food for thought. He felt overwhelmed for a moment by all the problems and challenges life with Sasuke presented. He sighed. Where did a person start? With the obvious, he supposed.

"I'm not angry," said Kakashi. "I'm actually…"

He paused for a moment, trying to figure the best words. Glad? Pleased? Surprised? What he was was relieved, though he couldn't say that to Sasuke's face.

"You're what?" Sasuke said.

He was wary, Kakashi could see, but not discomfited. He wanted to hear whatever it was Kakashi was going to say. That was a good sign.

"I'm surprised," said Kakashi. "I'm glad you told me."

He wouldn't say Sasuke glowed or blossomed with that small praise, but it was obvious that he was also relieved and pleased. He was breathing more easily, for one, and his erect carriage relaxed an infinitesimal amount.

"Not everyone," said Sasuke.

He stopped himself. Kakashi hadn't been expecting anything more, but he feigned relaxation in the hopes that Sasuke might continue.

"Not everyone likes hearing no," said Sasuke.

A troubled look passed over his face and he curled into himself, hunching over a touch and masking his discomfort by leaning closer to the fire. Even guessing what he was thinking about made Kakashi hurt. It could be almost anything, anything at all from the time he'd left Konoha to the time he was released into Kakashi's care. He doubted any horror stories Sasuke might tell--or if not tell, then keep locked inside--would surprise him, but that didn't make the possibilities any less painful. Kakashi rested his chin on the heel of one hand.

"I may not like hearing it," Kakashi said, "but at least I'll accept it."

Sasuke nodded slowly and deliberately. He turned his face back to the stove. Kakashi considered making some sort of offer of future conversation, but he just couldn't force some semblance of "if you ever need to talk" out of his mouth. It sounded so ridiculous, so soft, so everything that would make Sasuke turn away from him, well-intentioned or not. If Sasuke needed to talk, he was here: the way of the ninja gave all its people certain shared experiences, and Kakashi would understand, no matter what Sasuke told him (assuming he ever did.)

Kakashi got out of his chair. He felt Sasuke's eyes on him.

"If I stoke the fire, will you back off from the stove a little?" said Kakashi. "My medical skills don't cover third-degree burns."

Sasuke nodded and Kakashi could feel the held-back roll of his eyes. Still, he was quick to move his chair back. Kakashi added another log to the fire and opened the vents further. The fire blazed up and heat washed over them. He sat again and decided it wasn't worth the effort to move back further.

Comfortable and quiet, they sat for a while. Eventually Sasuke moved his chair away from the stove. Kakashi didn't say anything, but he tended the fire, letting the flames shrink low against the coals before going back to his seat. They continued to enjoy the warmth in silence. The wood crackled, and from time to time a breeze outside picked up through the trees. Daylight crept across the floor, easing from window to window, and Kakashi felt himself relaxing further and further in Sasuke's company. Thoughts built up inside him, all at once, and he was compelled to let one, a safe, harmless one, free in the quiet living room.

"Hey Sasuke," he said. "What do you think about training grounds?"


	16. Chapter 16

As winter deepened and the snowstorms became both worse and more frequent, Kakashi and Sasuke spent most of their time indoors, laid out with dozens of blueprints, lists, and notes spread out on the living room floor between them, fleshing out plans for the training grounds. They didn't talk much, but it was strangely okay and certainly more comfortable than Kakashi might have ever guessed.

Sasuke's dislike of the cold became more and more pronounced over time, to the point where he refused to go further outside than the trees surrounding the yard of the house. Even then, he spent a lot of time in front of the stove afterward. This was okay for Kakashi: he went to the memorial by himself most mornings, and every week or two he went into town for whatever they might have run low on in the way of groceries and sundries.

  


On one such trip, it was particularly cold out: though the sun was shining, the wind was merciless and kept grinding particles of ice and snow into Kakashi's face. He had come in to Konoha proper to pick up some dry goods, and he had. The food was entirely too heavy when he slung the bag over his shoulder, and he thought to himself that it would be good when the yard was complete and he and Sasuke could use it and train together.

That thought did little to warm him as he headed out of the shelter of the store and into the knife's-edge wind. Kakashi was sure this winter was colder than any winter over the past ten years or so. Fire country got its share of snow in the winter, of course, but it wasn't usually so damn cold. His breath frosted his mask every time he breathed and, though he wore his heavy coat and scarf, it didn't do much to hold back the frozen air.

And then, Kakashi saw it: a new tea shop. It looked rather warm and cozy inside. Surely he would be fortified for the walk back with a hot cup of tea or three under his belt. Sasuke wouldn't expect him for a while yet, and even if he was a little late, Sasuke wasn't the type to ask where he had been. Decided, Kakashi made his way across the crowded street and into the establishment.

Halfway through his second cup, Kakashi's internal alarms went off. He put down his tea. A large, strong hand clapped him across the back seconds after the china hit the table.

"Kakashi! My esteemed and incomparably hip rival!"

Gai was his usual splendid green-and-orange self as he addressed Kakashi, eyes shining with earnestness and a large, square thumb raised above his outstretched fist. His bowl cut rippled and shone as it moved in the breeze of the open shop door. Kakashi could hardly believe his misfortune.

"How fortuitous to find you here at the very moment I have come for a beverage on this especially frigid day of winter's majesty!" said Gai.

He walked across the shop in two great strides.

"May I share your table so that we might converse while partaking in the joys of hot tea?" said Gai.

Gai had already seated himself by the time he had finished talking. Kakashi gave a belated nod. He couldn't hold back a pained expression as Gai proceeded to give his order to the woman behind the counter from halfway across the shop's floor.

"I can see that something is troubling you," said Gai. "Could it be your young ward has been more challenging than anticipated?"

Gai leaned in close on his elbows, chin held consideringly in his hand.

"I have seen little of you of late," said Gai. "And while I have missed our glorious contests, I find myself much relieved that you yourself seem well."

"I've been busy," said Kakashi.

"So succinct!" said Gai. "So cool! You are truly my rival, Kakashi! Tell me, how have you been occupying yourself this winter?"

"Well," said Kakashi.

He drank some more of his tea. Fortunately, Gai's order arrived and forestalled further questioning for a bit.

  


Kakashi wasn't sure how it happened precisely, but he found himself going home that afternoon with Gai in tow. One minute they were drinking their tea and the next they were crunching their way through the forest in an impromptu foot race to get to Kakashi's house. Kakashi normally would have had the advantage of speed, but between his woeful lack of proper exercise and the fifty pounds of beans, rice, and the like on his back, he was dismayed to find himself two yards behind Gai. The cold air seared his throat and the inside of his nose burned as he pushed himself to catch up. He flew over the ground, heels skimming the tops of newly-formed snowdrifts in the path, sending clouds of snow swirling in his wake. Kakashi felt something lighten inside of his chest as the six foot lead shrank to four, then three, then two.

When Gai looked at him over his shoulder, Kakashi threw him a sketchy, one-handed wave. Gai beamed and faced the path again. They were rapidly approaching the house. Kakashi might have warned Gai about the traps Sasuke had put around the perimeter of the yard, but Gai, being Gai, pulled ahead with an inhuman burst of speed and a wild shout that sent all the animals in a quarter-mile radius running. Kakashi slowed down. He knew he wasn't going to win today's race and, frankly, the supplies were dragging hard on his shoulders. He waited for Gai to hit the traps.

Sure enough, a minute later there was a certain percussive whumph. Kakashi picked up his pace a little. It sounded like Gai had triggered a tripwire-slash-exploding tag. When Kakashi rounded the bend, house in sight, he coughed to cover a sudden attack of laughter. Yes, Gai had hit a tripwire. To Kakashi's experienced eye, the signs were all too clear. Gai had been going too fast and the tripwire had sent him in the direction of a large snowdrift. The impact of Gai's formidable mass hitting the snow had triggered an exploding tag attached to a nearby tree, which had sent a lot more snow falling directly on top of the aforementioned drift. Kakashi pulled up to the snow-covered Gai. He held out an arm and Gai took it, freeing himself out of the eight feet of snow he'd been stuck in.

"Sorry," said Kakashi. "I was going to warn you."

Gai looked at him thoughtfully. This alarmed Kakashi on some level, though he couldn't put a finger on why.

"No need," said Gai. "It was a most ingenious trap to set! Tell me, did you anticipate our foot race today?"

"Ah," said Kakashi. "Well. Actually…"

Gai brushed himself off and got back onto the cleared ground.

"Oho!" said Gai. "Your young protege approaches!"

Kakashi was surprised to see that Gai was right, though in all honesty his shock stemmed from Gai noticing Sasuke first. Even more unusual was that Sasuke did not appear to be angry or rattled as he approached the two men. Kakashi would expect a negative reaction from him, given his dislike of surprise anything--and Gai tripping one of his traps during an unplanned race would certainly count as such. Gai seemed to be oblivious to any possible danger. He planted his fists on his hips and shouted across the yard.

"Sasuke!" Gai said. "You have my admiration for such a cunning placement of your tripwire! How does this fine winter day--and my esteemed rival--treat you?"

Sasuke stopped in his tracks for a full five seconds before he drew even with the tree line around the yard.

"What is wrong with you?" said Sasuke.

Kakashi winced. Sasuke never had been polite. He opened his mouth to answer and then realized that Sasuke had, in fact, directed his question at Gai. This was getting stranger by the minute.

"How kind of you to inquire after my health!" said Gai. "That is the calling card of a true gentleman! I am well. No snowdrift could ever hope to harm me."

Gai flashed a smile and a thumbs-up at Sasuke. As further proof of his youthful vigor, no doubt, he thumped himself on the chest. Sasuke was dumbstruck. So was Kakashi.

They were both poleaxed as Gai somehow invited himself into their house to warm up before the trip back into town. Gai exclaimed over their plans, made suggestions, and vowed that the next time he visited them, he would bring help. Kakashi thought that Sasuke would never allow a second incursion, given the covertly hostile way he was reacting to the first. It dumbfounded Kakashi that Gai was totally ignoring Sasuke's displeasure. The flares and instabilities in his chakra should have been warning enough. Any idiot could see the Sharingan erupting in Sasuke's eyes was a bad thing, and appearances aside, Gai was not stupid. It was deliberate, though Kakashi couldn't fathom why. He practically had to drag Gai out the door, in the end, before Sasuke exploded.

  


The following week Gai showed up with Genma and a rather harried-looking Neji. And the time after that, Raidou and Kotetsu appeared as well, pulled along in the wake of Gai's exuberance. Sasuke coped with remarkable aplomb. He barely raised an eyebrow after the first four times Gai showed up unannounced, though he opened the front door with an increasing level of resignation. A steady stream of visitors, repeat and new, came to assist with the designs. Though there were absences when people went on missions, the training grounds plans moved along quite smoothly with so much help. Kakashi found he rather enjoyed the company. The house felt warm and alive, and Sasuke continued to be very well behaved. While Kakashi couldn't call his behavior friendly, Sasuke was unfailingly polite, and he excused himself, with Kakashi's occasional assistance, every time his chakra started to slip out of control. Kakashi felt a bit strange, realizing how normal his life had become. Stranger still was how pleasant that normalcy was.

Time flew by, almost unnoticed. Winter gave way to spring, and the plans, at long last, were complete.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you've been reading this all in one go, I congratulate you! (Word-count wise, you've read the equivalent of half a book or so by now.) I realize it's a lot to take in all at once, especially with time just flying by in the storyline. Incidentally, I hope that my versions of the characters are believable. I worry about it, from time to time.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm doing a self-edit job on this. All errors are mine, but if you see something awful, please let me know so I can fix it. :)

Kakashi was preparing to go into town again, both for supplies and to share lunch with some of the other ninja to whom he had become close during the winter. As he dressed his feet, a knock came at the door. Sasuke, stationed in front of the cozily warm stove, made no move to get up.

Kakashi opened the door. He blinked. Neji stood before him. Kakashi blinked again.

"Sasuke," he said, over his shoulder. "I think it's for you."

"Pardon my intrusion, Hatake-sempai," said Neji. "If Sasuke is inconvenienced, I can come back at another time."

Neji adjusted the hem of his shirt, face carefully neutral. Kakashi felt a smile coming on.

"I'm on my way out, but Sasuke is never busy," said Kakashi. "Please, come on in."

Kakashi moved to the side, clearing the doorway.

"Thank you," said Neji.

He stepped into the house, toeing off his shoes. Sasuke crossed the living room and stood on the raised lip that separated the entryway from the rest of the house. He looked down at Neji for a minute. Kakashi could see him thinking.

"We're done planning the training grounds," said Sasuke.

Sasuke frowned, and Neji spared a brief glance at his hands before responding.

"I know," said Neji. "I thought you might enjoy some company regardless."

He waited, motionless, while Sasuke scrutinized him some more. Kakashi felt like smacking Sasuke in the back of the head. It was obvious to him that Neji was making an overture of friendship, but Sasuke just wasn't getting it.

"Invite him in," Kakashi said, sotto voice, from behind one hand.

Sasuke blinked. He stepped back from the edge of the floor.

"Would you like to come in?" said Sasuke. "There's fresh tea, if you like."

He managed to be, at the same time, stiffly formal and on the edge of rude in his offer. Then again, Kakashi couldn't recall him ever doing anything like this before. It wasn't really in Sasuke's nature to make such gestures, and it showed.

"Thank you," Neji said. "Tea would be most appreciated on such a chill spring day."

He passed Kakashi, murmuring his thanks as he walked toward Sasuke and into the living room. Kakashi watched the pair for a minute before he made his exit. Interesting. He wondered what they would talk about while he was gone. Kakashi shook himself. He hadn't made it further than the edge of the yard, and he'd be late if he kept woolgathering. He headed into the forest.

Kakashi's lunch extended beyond lunchtime and took up most of the afternoon. Between his inquiries into what interest Gai's former student might have in his, war stories--metaphorically speaking, mostly--and an impromptu challenge from Gai, it took up more time than he'd planned for. Still, he'd had a good time, and Sasuke wasn't going to give him a hard time about it. He was conscious to keep a swift pace on the way back, but he hummed to himself the whole way.

  


When Kakashi came in the front door, roughly an hour before dinner, he confronted unfamiliar shoes still in the entryway. Neji was still there. He looked up, to Sasuke's usual place by the stove, and there they were, side by side and silent as the day is long. Kakashi cleared his throat and, in unison, they turned their heads. They shared a look, one Kakashi couldn't read properly, and Neji stood. A formal thanks passed between Sasuke and Neji. At this distance, it would be child's play to eavesdrop, an insult to a ninja of Kakashi's caliber. So he didn't, though he knew that Sasuke wouldn't have said anything private or meaningful in a goodbye anyway. Neji crossed the room, stepped into the entryway, put on his footwear, and exchanged a greeting-slash-goodbye with Kakashi before leaving.

Kakashi was puzzling over this when Sasuke came over to him.

"So," said Kakashi. "You had a good time with Neji?"

Sasuke thought for a minute. He inclined his head.

"I suppose," he said.

"What did you two talk about?" said Kakashi.

Really, he was hard pressed to imagine the sorts of things they might have in common that would be neutral topics of conversation.

"Nothing," said Sasuke.

Kakashi raised an eyebrow.

"Nothing important? Or nothing-nothing?" he said.

"We didn't talk," said Sasuke.

"Ah," said Kakashi.

He worked the thought over.

"You two sat in the chairs and did not talk the whole time I was out?" said Kakashi.

"We drank tea," said Sasuke.

He offered the information like it were vital to Kakashi's understanding of the situation, as if Kakashi would not be able to grasp the ramifications of Neji's social call without knowing it.

"Well then," said Kakashi.

He took the supplies into the kitchen as he formulated his next question.

"Are you going to do it again?" said Kakashi. "The drinking-tea-and-not-talking thing?"

Sasuke rolled his eyes.

"Of course," said Sasuke.

The implication that Kakashi has obviously not gotten the nuances of the interaction, was untrue, if not undeserved. Kakashi kept questioning because he could and because he liked getting a rise out of Sasuke.

"But if you didn't talk, then how do you know he'll come again?" said Kakashi.

"We didn't need to talk," said Sasuke. "Neji just…understands."

An odd look crossed Sasuke's face, troubled and strange and relieved and light all at once. Kakashi mulled it over. Too long, apparently. Sasuke proceeded to make a show of cleaning up the teacups and putting away the food and trash bags and toilet bowl cleaner.

"Sorry," said Kakashi.

He felt relieved when Sasuke rolled his eyes again.

"Whatever," said Sasuke.

He hesitated for a long minute, a sponge in one hand, examining at the kitchen counter for something to clean.

"You had a good time with your friends?" he said.

"Well," said Kakashi. "I wouldn't exactly call them friends, but yes. I'm going to go out more often, I think."

"Good," said Sasuke. "Having a little time to myself was…"

Sasuke shook his head.

"I know I'm not easy to live with," he said.

Kakashi was struck by this admission. Sasuke has given him the go-ahead, not that he needed approval from Sasuke to have a social life. He was also interested to see that, while Sasuke hadn't actually said it, he already considered Neji a friend.

"Right then," said Kakashi. "I'll go and see my people, and you'll keep up with yours."

Sasuke nodded, slowly, before he started on dinner.

  


They developed habits. Sasuke continued to meet with Neji, Kakashi with his circle of friends. Sometimes Kakashi stayed out the whole evening, and he didn't ask what Sasuke did when he wasn't home until dawn. He already knew what Sasuke thought he'd been doing. Mostly, Sasuke was wrong. They passed like ships in the night at times, but that was just part of the routine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if it makes sense to you, but it makes sense to me to have Neji become Sasuke's friend. I really find them to be similar. And, assuming Neji would be good enough to ignore the part where he kind of almost got killed trying to retrieve Sasuke that first time around, I think they'd get along pretty well.


	18. Chapter 18

It was November again, a rainy, raw Tuesday. Kakashi sat on the porch, teacup in hand. He looked out into the woods and caught occasional glimpses of Sasuke as he roamed the training grounds. Even after a year of living together in the house, Kakashi was still surprised that Sasuke had stayed. He could have run off at any point and he hadn't, even though he was perfectly capable, trained, and conditioned for just such an action. Sasuke displayed perfect form as he ran up one tree and vaulted to the next. It would have been quite easy for him to defect.

Kakashi wasn't sure what he thought about this; he was disconcerted and yet pleased at the same time, no matter Sasuke's rationale. Despite his duty, Kakashi didn't think he would have reported it if Sasuke had left. There was no question that he would not be given another chance. Kakashi frowned and shifted his legs, stretching them out.

What it boiled down to was this: he didn't want to betray the trust Sasuke showed him. They lived their lives in tandem, and Kakashi rather liked it that way, wanted to keep it more or less the same for the foreseeable future. He didn't want Sasuke to die, even at his most intractable, angry, and homicidal. Sipping his tea, Kakashi smiled as he remembered a few spectacular disagreements they'd had. Sasuke had been quite lively and, above all, Kakashi wanted Sasuke to keep on living.

He was selfish at heart, really. Kakashi didn't want to give anything else up in his life, not when there was so little there to start. He didn't do missions anymore, didn't teach genin, and rarely advised the Hokage. Even though he was still on the books for his "keep Sasuke sane" job, it was not hard to do. Kakashi lay back on the wide boards of the porch and watched his breath condense into white clouds above him.

He had found an unexpected harmony in their life together. And really it was a nice life, a good one. A little dull, at times, but Sasuke's sporadic attempts on his person broke the boredom. Kunai whistled through the air and Kakashi sat up again. He knew, just from the sound of the throws, that it was Sasuke, and Kakashi knew equally well that he was only doing practice throws. The kunai could have been miles away for all the danger they posed. How Kakashi lived now was a world apart from the life he'd cultivated over his decades of service to the village.

Although he was an excellent ninja and had even enjoyed the work at times when the adrenaline flowed through his body like quicksilver, Kakashi discovered that he didn't miss being out in the field covered in mud He didn't miss getting snowed on, or fleeing enemy nin while wounded. The rain poured down from the sky and Kakashi sat, dry, with great satisfaction. He didn't miss the smell of burning bodies clogging his nose. He didn't miss recuperating in a hospital or making do with a sloppy field dressing until he could see a medic. Kakashi liked that he had a consistent roof over his head and food that wasn't burned, cold, or gone off.

Kakashi watched birds flying up over the trees; Sasuke was moving west, further into the forest. With Sasuke around, his hard earned skills didn't dull, and he liked to think he was fostering the village's well-being by not letting Sasuke raze it to the ground again…not that it looked like that was going to happen any time soon. Kakashi felt brief pity of the lone ANBU agent following Sasuke. It was a boring job these days, what with Sasuke's stretches of quiescence growing longer and longer between outbursts, which were getting more and more manageable.

Still, the peaceful days had become less smooth of late. Sasuke had been giving him odd looks. Kakashi had gotten better at reading him over time, but these glances were nowhere in his lexicon. He had been thinking it over, stacked the glances and asides up and sorting through them over the past few weeks. And then, without warning, it came together as he sat there on the porch. It hit him and sank home like a kunai to the gut.

Kakashi dropped his teacup in the midst of bringing it to his lips. It shattered all over the floor before his reflexes kicked in. He made a fruitless, far-too-late grab for empty air. It couldn't be. Sasuke… Kakashi double checked his train of thought, ran through the clues again at light speed. He remembered the way Sasuke had acted just an hour or two earlier. Sasuke had announced he was going to train but, when Kakashi had come out onto the porch, Sasuke had turned to face him as he stretched. His cheeks had been pink in the cold. His clothing had clung in the constant drizzle, and his hair had stuck to his face, had made Kakashi want to brush it back. But he'd said nothing--done nothing--and Sasuke had gone off. Kakashi felt like an idiot. He had seen the signs, but he'd chosen not to accept and acknowledge them. Sasuke would get over this, wouldn't he? Kakashi went inside for the broom, feeling the need to clean up his mess.

He swept the broken pottery back and forth over the floor. He wondered what he should have done differently. When Sasuke had begun edging into Kakashi's personal space too frequently for coincidence, he had been divided about what to do. Ignoring Sasuke hadn't worked. He could have gotten direct and physical about keeping his distance the next time it happened, but that might have sparked a fight. It probably wouldn't have solved the problem, either. Kakashi could have confronted him, but Sasuke wasn't much for talking even when he was being well behaved.

Now that things were what they were, Kakashi could just let him do what he wanted, though he didn't think it was a particularly smart course of action. For one, it was a lot like what he'd already (not) done. Kakashi froze with the broom in hand. Maybe, just maybe, he did like the notion of giving in to Sasuke, which was exactly why it would be bad to follow through on that thought. Kakashi swept the broken cup into the dustpan and set it aside.

Sasuke was dangerous. Kakashi sighed, a headache coming on as he thought about it. Sasuke had grown over the years from a short, broody preteen into a lean, broody, and incredibly strong and graceful man. As a teenager he'd been somewhere between, more fragile, his full potential still hidden. Not that Kakashi had seen much of him then. But now, there was a certain maturity to him, shown in the fine bones of his face, the sweep of his shoulders and the strong, knotted tendons in his hands. Kakashi swung his legs over the side of the porch.

Sasuke might not have been very tall, but he was well appointed. Their constant sparring and training brought density to his muscles and made his body into a sharply honed weapon, especially in comparison to when he had first been remanded to Kakashi's care. Kakashi shook his head and tried to clear it. He took a book out of his pocket and attempted to settle enough to read. He focused hard on the page. His mind still wandered.

Despite all the history and observation between them, the negotiation and obligation, Kakashi was taken aback by Sasuke's seemingly sudden interest in him. He wanted to keep turning a blind eye to it, but when Sasuke was accidentally-on-purpose brushing against him--or touching his fingers while handing over a dish or raking him with his eyes in the middle of a sparring session or any one of a thousand different things he did-- Kakashi couldn't put it all aside.

He sighed again. If there was one thing he'd learned, it was that Sasuke didn't ask for things he wanted or needed. He took what he required, or thought he required, and left the asking and the gratitude behind. Kakashi had come to accept that Sasuke just didn't see the point in pleasantries. He would drink the last of the milk and not say anything, let alone put it on the shopping list or replace it. He took kunai and never brought them back. Sasuke would wear all his clean clothing and just start using Kakashi's spares. Kakashi swallowed hard and redirected his thoughts away from the other man wearing his shirts, the basic blacks contrasting sharply with his skin.

Sasuke seemed to take it for granted that adults did their own laundry, shopped for food, and did not practice with explosive tags in the living room. Kakashi suspected Sasuke often didn't realize that he had made social blunders, though Neji seemed to have no compunctions about schooling him in courtesy. Most of the time though, Kakashi knew, downright knew, that Sasuke was aware of his behavior and was doing it on purpose. Kakashi drummed his fingers on the porch. It still was surprising to him that Sasuke and Neji got along so well. He turned a page in the book.

Kakashi himself didn't have a lot of friends, though he'd gained a few over the spring and summer months. He had even fewer intimate affairs, and he certainly had less than Sasuke seemed to think. Kakashi didn't know how or if Sasuke knew that he had both male and female partners, but it was trying to have him constantly pushing closer and then acting like he'd done nothing at all. Kakashi was sick of it. He put down the book and looked around.

Maybe he would feel better about all of it if he weren't so obviously waiting for Sasuke to finish training and come home. The rain was still coming down hard. Brooding so much on such a gloomy day wasn't helping either, he was sure. Decided, Kakashi stood and stretched, and, as he rounded on one heel to go inside, he considered the dustpan and broom. He abandoned them where they lay on the porch.

  


That evening, hours after Sasuke had returned from the forest, Kakashi caught him red-handed, doing exactly the sort of thing Kakashi had been ruminating about earlier. He suddenly found himself snapping and, that very instant and without thinking it over, he confronted Sasuke.

"What do you think you're doing?" Kakashi said.

He kept his voice as level as he could and forced his face to remain lax. The answer, of course, was that Sasuke was deliberately crowding him in the upstairs hallway so that they would be forced to touch when they passed each other. Sasuke frowned.

"I don't know what you're talking about," he said.

Sasuke's face took on its most stubborn lines, but he did stop edging towards the center of the hall. Kakashi thought this was an improvement until Sasuke put his back to the wall and stood in a position that was undoubtedly calculated to take up as much room as possible.

Kakashi sighed, breath exiting harshly through his nose. Time for the direct approach.

"I'm not going to have sex with you," said Kakashi.

Sasuke stiffened and his frown grew deeper. Kakashi continued to look as bored as possible, though his insides were swooping and diving, chasing after feelings he did not want to name.

"I don't want to have you touching me when we meet in the hall," Kakashi said. "Or any of the rest of it. I know you know exactly what I mean."

He let his irritation show now. Sasuke stared back, sullen. Kakashi could see Sasuke's arms twitching as he fought not to cross them.

"You don't know what you're asking of me," said Kakashi. "Even if you did, I wouldn't."

Kakashi's eye pinned Sasuke to the wall.

"This sort of thing can't be taken like kunai or a spare shirt," said Kakashi. "If you weren't so selfish, so immature as to think it could be, we wouldn't be having this little chat in the first place."

Really it was more of a monologue. Sasuke hadn't said much, though he had, almost imperceptibly, cringed. Kakashi felt relieved when he saw that slight slackening in Sasuke's shoulders. At least something in this conversation had struck the young man, though he couldn't rightly say what had resonated.

"Well?" said Kakashi.

He stared Sasuke down, waiting for a response. Kakashi wished, vaguely, that Sasuke's frown and balled-up fists were more clearly signs that this confrontation was going well. Sasuke unfolded from the wall and stood.

"Fine," said Sasuke.

And with that, he left, carefully keeping six inches between their bodies as he passed Kakashi.

The knots in Kakashi's stomach didn't dissipate for a long, long time afterward. He didn't see Sasuke for the rest of the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well. I suppose I should reassure you that this isn't the end of this particular, awkward conversation. (I've been lambasted before because readers have assumed it was, and I'd like to preempt such a reaction.) I hope you're enjoying the story regardless.


	19. Chapter 19

Sasuke was scrupulous about keeping his distance the following day. Kakashi breathed a little easier when Sasuke didn't brush up against him en route to the bathroom that morning. He didn't try harder than usual to grapple Kakashi to the ground during a sparring session, either. Hell, Sasuke barely even looked at him. Kakashi thought that this was an improvement, that Sasuke had taken their chat to heart but, when Neji called on Sasuke three days after the confrontation, Sasuke refused to leave his room. Neji gave Kakashi a dirty look, but Kakashi shrugged it off. Sasuke would get over it, wouldn't he?

  


Almost a week later, Sasuke was still walking on eggshells. Intent upon getting out of the tense, unhappy atmosphere in the house, Kakashi was out at the tea shop he'd discovered last winter. He placed his order and tried to figure out what had gone wrong.

Sasuke didn't seem to be angry, but he was at a low ebb. He almost seemed sad, which was not how someone interested in just a bit of casual sex would be acting after getting turned down. And then Kakashi grasped just how badly he'd screwed up, how badly he'd misjudged the situation. Sasuke had been pushing him for things he didn't even know Sasuke had wanted, and sex was only the beginning. He raised his teacup to his lips absently. The tea had gone cold.

Kakashi had had all the clues and he hadn't put them together. For a man who prided himself on seeing underneath the underneath, he'd done a terrible job divining Sasuke's motives. He freshened his tea and drank it lukewarm, wished it was something stronger than tea. How Sasuke had behaved during his illness that time; how he'd kept a tighter eye on Kakashi afterward; how he'd agreed to go to the memorial even though he hadn't wanted to; and Sasuke's trying to get physically closer to him were all signs of the same thing. Kakashi had mistaken them for separate issues.

He put his cup down and slid it back and forth on the table, considering. Kakashi needed to apologize to Sasuke. Not for feeling the way he did--he wasn't about to say he was sorry for that-- but for his utter lack of perception. What had seemed like an impartial and firm talking-to to him had probably come off calculated and cold and cruel to Sasuke. Kakashi didn't do apologies. He didn't make the kinds of overtures that this would involve, and he didn't think he could apologize without talking about feelings: his as well as Sasuke's. Kakashi shifted uncomfortably in his chair. But he would have to make that apology. This was exactly the sort of thing that could pull the legs out from under Sasuke and ruin all the progress he'd made. Deep inside, Kakashi knew that it was the right thing to do. He'd hurt Sasuke, and that had come back and hurt Kakashi, much more than he might have previously guessed, if he'd ever bothered to think about such a thing.

Kakashi sighed and poured another cup of tea. He wasn't blind, wasn't immune to Sasuke's physical charms--and Sasuke had, admittedly, many. Kakashi genuinely enjoyed his company most of the time, and living together was easy in ways he'd hadn't anticipated. But, all the same, attractiveness plus proximity didn't equal sex. Kakashi had rules of engagement for that sort of situation, and none of them were in favor of having sex with the man he was supposed to be looking out for, a man who already evidenced strong feelings for Kakashi, a man who, should things go poorly, would probably kill or maim him and then go rogue.

He eyed his cooling tea with distaste.

And that was when Kakashi realized he was contemplating having sex with Sasuke. Chagrinned, Kakashi buried his face in his hands. He had to try and patch things up, somehow, couldn't just leave things with Sasuke as they were. Once things were going smoothly again, who knew? After all, changing one's mind wasn't just a woman's prerogative, no matter how the saying went. But first…first would have to come the apology. Kakashi got up, paid his bill, and left the shop.

  


Before long, Sasuke started to slide back into his old habits. A too-long glance here, a brush of the fingers while passing a teacup. Kakashi didn't say anything. He tried to justify it to himself and failed. It hadn't been okay for Sasuke to do what he was doing when Kakashi hadn't realized what was really happening. Now that he did know, it was suddenly okay-ish even after he'd explained his disinterest in becoming part of Sasuke's sex life. The way he dwelled on this fallacy of an argument wasn't like him at all. It wasn't rational, wasn't logical, wasn't any of the things Kakashi considered himself to be. He knew that his professed non-interest was, at least in part, a lie now. It bothered him that he couldn't take back what he'd said.

Kakashi tried to tell himself that it was for Sasuke's benefit that he continued to allow Sasuke to…express himself like this. He reasoned to himself that this could be part of his as-yet unsaid apology, that whether he liked Sasuke's behavior or not was immaterial. And so he did nothing to stop Sasuke, and Sasuke wormed further and further into Kakashi's personal life one day at a time.

  


Kakashi woke up suddenly one night, not long after he'd come home to bed from visiting a rather friendly kunoichi. Sasuke stood over him, arms crossed, framed in the light coming in from the hallway. He frowned down at Kakashi in the gloom. He didn't look happy. Kakashi noted Sasuke had made it through the seals and traps around the door unscathed.

"What?" said Kakashi.

He was secretly relieved that he had fallen asleep with his mask on tonight.

"I'd kill her if I knew who she was," said Sasuke.

Well. Sasuke never was one to pull his punches. He was serious about it, too, if the Sharingan swirling in his eyes were anything to judge by. Kakashi hoped he wouldn't need the kunai tucked underneath the corner of the mattress--he wasn't sure he would be able to get it clear fast enough for his liking.

"She wouldn't give you much of a challenge," said Kakashi. "And besides. I didn't take you for the jealous type."

If those words hadn't told Sasuke that Kakashi had figured out what was really going on, then he would eat his hitai-ate. Kakashi gave a partly-fake yawn and sat up.

"I'm not jealous," said Sasuke.

Deep lines formed at the corners of Sasuke's mouth. His Sharingan slowed to a stop.

"I did tell you I wasn't interested," said Kakashi.

He winced on the inside. Way to go, needling Sasuke like that when he was already on the edge. Kakashi supposed the silver lining was that he couldn't make this conversation worse.

"It's…That's not what I want," said Sasuke.

He turned his face away from Kakashi.

"You've been doing a lot of looking and touching for someone who doesn't want 'that' as you put it," said Kakashi.

Oh, he had a gift for putting his foot in his mouth tonight, and, apparently, the conversation could indeed go further south. Kakashi carefully pulled the covers back and swung his legs over the side of the bed.

"I just…you don't want me to… but I need to know," said Sasuke.

Sasuke studied the floor beneath his feet. Kakashi sighed. Confused didn't even begin to cover Sasuke. But he was trying to explain, and that was something.

"You don't want to seduce me," said Kakashi. "Right?"

Sasuke nodded, and Kakashi caught the telltale signs of lying in his body language.

"And you don't want me to seduce you," said Kakashi.

Sasuke nodded again, a blush creeping over his skin. Desperately, Kakashi tried to distance himself from the conversation. This was more than he needed to know, really it was. He wondered briefly if he ought to tell Sasuke, at some later, safer date, how terrible a liar he was.

Kakashi hunted for the best words to use next, framed his question carefully. This conversation was a train wreck and he couldn't put on the brakes. He steeled himself before he spoke.

"You're not inexperienced, are you?" said Kakashi.

"No. But why would you…?" said Sasuke. "And why would that matter, anyway?"

Sasuke looked offended. His coloring deepened. Now that, Kakashi discerned, was the truth. He felt no small relief at learning it, though it didn't detract from the sheer awfulness of having to ask in the first place.

"So then you're shy," said Kakashi.

Sasuke turned bright red. Bingo.

"I'm not shy!" said Sasuke. "I'm not some delicate girl."

"But you're nervous," said Kakashi. "About sex. And you want to do it with me."

"I already told you it's not about that," said Sasuke.

He paced a bit, walking on the same floorboard over and over.

"It's just that," said Sasuke. "You never said a word about when we moved and… my stuff. Or when I was sick. I know you heard me."

Sasuke looked at Kakashi only briefly before returning his eyes to the floor. The Sharingan was gone from his eyes, though he held his arms tightly against his clothing.

Kakashi said nothing as he waited. He wanted Sasuke to say what was on his mind, He could tell from the way Sasuke was clenching and unclenching his jaw that he would.

"I trust you," said Sasuke. "Even in this."

He hesitated for a second, feet shifting on the floor. Sasuke opened his mouth to speak again, but apparently changing his mind, he shook his head and fled the room as quickly as he could.

Kakashi lay back on the bed, stunned. Sasuke had told him a lot tonight and, if Kakashi could hazard a guess, had almost said out loud the thing he'd been dancing around for some time now. Kakashi breathed a sigh. He could barely handle Sasuke as he was now, let alone a Sasuke who confessed…

He cringed at the thought, unable to complete the sentence even in his head. It didn't make sense, any of it. Not Sasuke's feelings for him, not this confrontation in the middle of the night. None of it was the least bit logical. He was no closer to resolving the problems between the two of them than he had been before. And he still hadn't made an apology.

Yawning so wide his ears popped, Kakashi pulled the covers over himself. All this would have to keep until later. He watched as the grey of predawn stole over the world outside his window. Kakashi closed his eyes, head still awash with ideas, and waited for sleep to come.


	20. Chapter 20

A few days after Sasuke's late-night appearance, Kakashi reached a decision and resolved to speak to Sasuke. Given how tense Sasuke still was and given that the awkward atmosphere in the house had only increased with time, Kakashi was determined to do it that very afternoon. It was a little after lunchtime now, which gave Kakashi some time to prepare himself before facing Sasuke over the dinner table.

The best way Kakashi knew to compose himself was to train for a couple hours. He sweated and strained in the forest, leaping on, around, and off the trees. He kicked up inexcusably large plumes of dust and scared the crap out of a nest of squirrels. He sweated, and it dripped into his good eye no matter how many times he wiped it away. When that eye burned from the salt and dust, he called it a day.

Kakashi stripped out of his uniform and plunged into the stream that bordered the training grounds. True, he could have gone inside and had a real shower, but that would mean he would most definitely run into Sasuke. He wasn't ready yet and, perhaps, did not want to be ready, no matter that the voice of his conscience demanded he talk to Sasuke right now. The water was bone-chillingly cold, but he stayed in, swam a little and let the stream wear the sharp edges from his thoughts.

Kakashi toweled off with his shirt and, still damp, went into the house to get a fresh change of clothing. Time stretched out as he warmed up and dressed. It went slower and slower as he approached the kitchen--and Sasuke. But then, as he slid into his seat at the table, everything snapped into focus like the minutes just before an S-rank mission's start.

Sasuke put two plates of food down without a word, and Kakashi knew it was too late to back out.

For the first time in recent memory, Kakashi found that he just couldn't swallow what he was trying to eat. He looked at the plate, puzzling over the food. At this moment, he couldn't even rightly say what it was, let alone how it tasted. Kakashi spit the bite discreetly into his napkin. He pushed the food around on his plate to make it look as if he'd eaten. Sasuke didn't notice--he was doggedly working his way through his dinner. Kakashi assumed that this was Sasuke was making a show of eating; he refused to look in Kakashi's direction or even to look up from his plate.

The minutes dragged on. Kakashi's senses worked overtime, sending jolts of adrenaline every time Sasuke moved in his seat, or reached for his glass, or rearranged his chopsticks for the seventeenth time. Sasuke's scent wafted across the table and Kakashi found himself consciously regulating his breathing. He forced himself to act like everything was fine when it was, so very obviously, not. Kakashi realized he was nervous about talking to Sasuke, nervous to a degree he almost never felt.

Sasuke cleared his throat and Kakashi startled in his seat. Though he was too good a ninja to actually jump at the unexpected noise, he had twitched and that was distinctly humiliating. And then he noticed Sasuke was watching him out of the corner of one eye. Kakashi's heart thudded. His mouth went dry. It was time.

When Sasuke reached to clear the table, he intercepted Sasuke's hand on its way to his plate. Sasuke jerked away as if he'd touched something hot. He refused to look Kakashi in the face.

"Sasuke," said Kakashi. "I'm sorry."

Sasuke leaned back in his seat and laid his hands in his lap. He was doing a decent job of not looking like he was looking at Kakashi, but Kakashi could feel his eyes tracking his every movement. Kakashi sighed.

"I'm sorry, Sasuke," he said. "I didn't realize, at first, how what I'd said had…affected you. I should have put it together sooner, and I didn't. I apologize for that."

Affected was a neutral word choice, wasn't it? Kakashi's skin prickled even as he analyzed his avoidance of the sticky topics. Sasuke was staring at him, face blank. But he wasn't running away, and that was a good sign, Kakashi hoped.

Kakashi took another breath, tried to calm down, stay rational.

"I have conditions, rules," he said. "I won't do anything with you if you don't agree."

Kakashi forced his tone to be light.

"That is," he said. "Assuming you're still interested."

Sasuke's eyes were sharp on him, far too sharp for Kakashi's comfort. Kakashi's brain whirled and his stomach did horribly creative things. He blundered onward, filling the silence.

"I don't want you getting the wrong idea," said Kakashi. "I'm not doing this because I like you."

Sasuke's eyes jerked wide before he controlled himself again.

"It's not that I don't like you. I do," said Kakashi. "I care about you and I respect you professionally and as a person."

Kakashi bit the inside of his cheek and scrambled for the least hurtful way to say what he wanted to say. Sasuke clenched his hands, though his frown eased.

"I'm just not interested in dating you," said Kakashi. "I'm not interested in romance or anything like it. Not from anybody."

Kakashi held his breath, expecting an outburst from Sasuke. But none came and so he continued talking, his thoughts trickling out like water seeping through a cracked teapot.

"I don't have good expectations for this, if we were to do this," Kakashi said. "But I can't live with this…unrelieved tension that's been smothering us. If having sex with you will fix it, then I'll do it."

"But you don't like me," said Sasuke.

Sasuke's gaze was guarded, something indefinable lurking behind his dark eyes and down-turned mouth.

"I don't have to like you like that in order to have sex with you," said Kakashi. "People who are just friends can have a perfectly great time together."

The sort of easy, warm friendship that lent itself to casual, strings-free sex was not the kind of relationship Sasuke and he already had. Kakashi tried to ignore that flaw in his argument. He hoped Sasuke wouldn't notice it. Restless, Kakashi allowed himself a swallow of water from his glass, just to have something to do.

"So this would be stress relief," said Sasuke. "If we were to…"

His hands twisted themselves together and he stopped looking at Kakashi.

"Is that a problem?" said Kakashi.

He realized, belatedly, that that rhetorical question was not a question at all. Kakashi had challenged Sasuke, which really wasn't what he had intended. Sasuke was prideful beyond a fault.

"I trust you," said Sasuke. "Thank you for your honesty."

To Kakashi's trained ear, it sounded like Sasuke had said something else entirely. He tried to joke to himself that Sasuke had been spending too much time with Neji, but the humor fell flat in the face of such seriousness, such intensity from Sasuke. Kakashi re-focused himself and laid out the facts. Sasuke hadn't said no. He hadn't said yes, but he hadn't said no. And he had accepted Kakashi's apology. It was enough.

"If it were to go badly," said Kakashi. "I trust you not to kill me."

Kakashi matched seriousness for seriousness, and was surprised by Sasuke's reaction. A light came into in Sasuke's eyes. Not exactly a happy sparkle, but there was a lightening of the gravity in Sasuke's face, an infinitesimal move away from his usual, saturnine self.

"So…" said Kakashi.

Butterflies in the stomach didn't even scratch the surface of what he felt now. He affected levity.

"Do you want to do it now?" said Kakashi.

Really, he should have expected the plate that came flying at his head. He dodged and it missed.

"I'll take that as a no," he said.

He put on a blandly cheerful face.

"We'll just be spontaneous then," Kakashi said.

And, before Sasuke could throw anything else at him, or, worse, say anything, he removed himself from the kitchen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So you all saw that coming from a mile away, right? I hope that it was a happy-making moment, even if you weren't surprised by it.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains moderately explicit m/m. You can skip over it if that's not something you want to read; the contents of this chapter don't have much impact on the plot of the story.

Kakashi sprawled across the couch in the living room and flipped open an old Icha Icha volume. Feeling Sasuke nearby after their discussion merited the distraction. He tried not to pay attention to the rattle of dishes and the muffled footfalls. Sasuke was a quiet dishwasher. Kakashi knew from experience that it wasn't an easy thing to do. Granted, Sasuke didn't break nearly so many dishes as Kakashi did, nor did he whistle obscene songs while working. Still, it seemed there was something forced about Sasuke's silence. The tension in the house had not abated as Kakashi had hoped for. It had, instead, changed into something he wasn't sure he wanted to put a finger on.

He flipped through the pages, barely looking. Sasuke was disturbing him. The dishes clinked and he couldn't concentrate. The running water was too loud, echoing off the walls as it never had before. Kakashi found himself holding his breath, waiting for Sasuke's feet to hit the floor again. It was stupid and he couldn't stop. Sasuke, Sasuke, Sasuke. Even his heartbeat was getting in on the game. And then, when Sasuke finished the dishes, Kakashi found himself impatient, nerves jangling as he waited for Sasuke to come out of the kitchen.

When Sasuke came into the living room, Kakashi suddenly found himself standing at attention. His book, rejected, lay on the floor. Kakashi slipped into the role of playing himself--casual, collected-- because, at this very moment, he was not himself and he needed to be. Sasuke strode up to him and, for the first time in days, looked him in the eye and held his gaze without blinking or turning away.

"Okay," said Sasuke.

Kakashi was nonplussed. And then his insides caught up with his ears and the bottom dropped out of his stomach.

"Okay? Like…" said Kakashi.

He made a passing nod at the kitchen and gave himself points when his voice continued to be even when he spoke again.

"Now?" said Kakashi.

"Yes," said Sasuke. "Please."

And he dropped his eyes and, awkwardly, reached out for Kakashi.

Kakashi stepped forward, oddly drained of anticipation. He completed the embrace, putting his hands on Sasuke's shoulders and pulling him forward. Sasuke practically vibrated with tension, but he didn't resist.

Kakashi wasn't surprised that Sasuke didn't want to kiss. He was surprised, though, that Sasuke would risk hurting his neck to avoid face-to-face contact. As soon as his face got within a foot of Kakashi's, he turned his head to the side and leaned his cheek against his shoulder, instead, chin pressing against him hard. Kissing didn't matter much to Kakashi. There were plenty of other things to do.

He let his eye wander. There was plenty to see, too. While he didn't understand Sasuke's choice of clothing, couldn't guess why he had kept wearing the same basic style as he had worn upon his return to Konoha, Kakashi did, at this moment, appreciate the large percentage of skin his shirt left bare. It made it remarkably easy to look and to touch. Kakashi had somehow expected Sasuke to go straight for removing his mask, but this leisurely, tentative exploration was pleasant.

Sasuke was warm underneath Kakashi's hands, and his lean body was packed with muscles that didn't give under pressure. He slid his hands along carefully, never straying from already-exposed skin, trying even now to respect Sasuke's boundaries. And then Kakashi brushed over the curse seal. It was warmer than the rest of Sasuke, and the skin seemed to hum underneath his palm. His fingers came away smelling like ozone. Kakashi pressed a little harder, gently digging into the flesh and muscle. The attention he lavished on the curse seal made Sasuke shiver and lose some of the tightness around his eyes. Sasuke's grip on Kakashi loosened up, and he shifted his chin to the side so it just rested against him, no longer a point of pressure but a warm, barely-there presence.

Kakashi moved on to Sasuke's arms and wrists and hands. He ran his thumb over Sasuke's palm and discovered nothing but smooth skin. Years of training should have scarred and callused them, but here they were, narrow, milk-soft, sensitive. Sasuke jerked in his grasp and his breath hitched in a telltale manner. Apparently, one of Sasuke's spots was his hands. Kakashi ran the pad of his thumb over the meat of Sasuke's hand, just to be sure. Sasuke's eyes closed. His heart sped up, hammering through his ribs and tattooing its beat on Kakashi's body. Kakashi watched sweat bead at his temples.

Again, Kakashi took Sasuke's hand in his. This time he put some pressure behind his explorations and his callused fingertips scraped the length of each finger, circled the palm, smoothed the little dips between the knuckles. All Sasuke's breath left in a single exhale and he struggled to bring more air back into his chest. Kakashi watched a fine flush creep up his face, turning the white to pink. He listened as Sasuke's breathing became less even and controlled.

When Kakashi stroked both hands at once, a choked sound left Sasuke. Kakashi did it again and Sasuke moaned, bit his lip. He flattened Sasuke's hands and moved them over his mask. They radiated heat and he trembled for a second, feeling that warmth and smelling Sasuke's skin. He smelled so good. Kakashi wanted to take off his mask.

He realized then that he was acutely interested in having sex with Sasuke. The tension in the room was much more pleasant now, anticipatory, but it was building up every second that Kakashi touched Sasuke. He wanted more, and the strength of that need, of that craving, was daunting. But this was what he'd wanted, wasn't it? A fine tremor ran through him as he wondered what Sasuke might let him do. His skin prickled, thinking what Sasuke might do to him. His mouth was suddenly dry and his face warmed. Kakashi let one of Sasuke's hands go, but kept the other and stroked it, reveling in the feel of Sasuke.

"Take off your shirt," said Kakashi. "If you take off your shirt, I'll take off my mask."

Sasuke nodded. Kakashi used his free hand and stretched the mask up and over his head, skinning off his hitai-ate as well. Sasuke stared for a moment. Kakashi imagined he saw something in those dark eyes warm up. He put the mask off to the side.

Sasuke pulled his hand out of Kakashi's and, shaking a little, untucked the hem from his belted-in waist. He shrugged out of the shirt, left shoulder then right. Sasuke let the shirt drop to the floor.

Kakashi licked his lips. He flattened his tongue against the roof of his mouth, trying to get some moisture back into his mouth. Sasuke was striking. Kakashi realized how little he'd noticed before now.

Sasuke wasn't perfect. He had a lot of scars, mostly old and dead and white, barely visible. A few were pinkish, and one hand-sized one on his back looked purplish, like a faded birthmark. But it was definitely a scar. Kakashi could see pitting and ridges. The curse seal stood out vividly on the top of Sasuke's shoulder. He remembered the raw electric smell of it, how it was just a bit warmer than the skin around it. And his mouth was no longer dry, and he wanted to taste that skin.

Kakashi stepped forward, and so did Sasuke. They met in the middle and, through some miracle of coordination, ended up side by side on the couch. Sasuke's fingers found their way into Kakashi's, a balm against the slight, nervous hunch of Sasuke's shoulders. Kakashi didn't want to make any sudden moves, so he took up rubbing Sasuke's hand again, slow, steady, and strong over his palm.

Sasuke relaxed, muscle by muscle, until he was mostly upright in the corner of the couch's seat. His eyes closed and that redness and warmth returned to his cheeks. Sasuke was turned so that Kakashi had a perfect view of that seal. It made Kakashi curious.

Kakashi leaned forward and, with the very tip of his tongue, licked the index finger of his free hand. He touched it to the curse seal and Sasuke shivered. Kakashi felt a tingle run all the way up to his elbow. What might happen if he touched his tongue directly to it? Kakashi opened his mouth and, careful not to misconstrue the touch as a kiss, swiped his tongue over the seal.

The flavor of Sasuke's skin was overwhelming. Kakashi inhaled, letting the taste and smell flow through his mouth and nose. The tingling from before trebled and resonated in his teeth, numbed his lips, made his sinuses ring. Kakashi lifted his tongue.

Sasuke twisted around and faced Kakashi. His eyes were open again. Anger, confusion, and pleasure all flashed across his face. He pulled his hand out of Kakashi's.

"Don't," he said. "Just don't."

He touched the seal, hesitant, as if he was afraid it would bite.

Kakashi caught a hint of fear in Sasuke's eyes. He nodded.

"All right."

Kakashi took off his gloves, stroking the leather and burnished metal before dropping them on the end table. He shook his head to clear it fully. He needed a plan, any plan that wouldn't involve scaring Sasuke off from this because, now that he'd started, he didn't want to stop what they were doing.

"I'd like to feel your scars," said Kakashi.

"Why? It's not like they're sensitive," Sasuke said.

Sasuke swallowed. His face was cold, but not closed.

"Because they're yours," said Kakashi.

Sasuke seemed to read some sort of deeper meaning into what Kakashi had said. His brow wrinkled in thought. Really, Kakashi knew better reasons why, but he wasn't about to tell them to Sasuke. Most importantly, the scars would distract him from the curse seal. He wanted to lick it again, as much as it had disturbed Sasuke. It had done things for him. Good things.

"Whatever," said Sasuke.

Kakashi looked carefully at him. Whatever was as close to a yes as he was going to get, it seemed. When Sasuke wriggled a bit in his seat, Kakashi pressed a hand onto his shoulder, turning him at an angle, but keeping him sitting up. He didn't want to crowd him or make him feel too vulnerable, as a laying-down position might do. Kakashi bit the inside of his cheek as he imagined how good it would feel to have Sasuke underneath him. He closed his eyes, focused himself, and opened them again.

He started with the obvious scars: the hand-sized one on Sasuke's back; a slice sweeping from neck to navel; an ill-healed gash across one arm; what looked to be a kunai puncture near the kidneys. He moved on to the less apparent, working slowly from back to front. Sasuke smelled heady and good to Kakashi's nose, but he was becoming increasingly more tense.

Kakashi withdrew his hands reluctantly. It had been nice feeling Sasuke's skin, but nice for him didn't guarantee nice for Sasuke…and that was kind of the point. If he asked Sasuke what he wanted, what would he say? Would he even admit to wanting anything in the first place?

"Hey Sasuke…got any requests?" said Kakashi.

"Requests?" said Sasuke.

He seemed to be startled out of his tension, blinking those dark eyes and inclining his head.

"Things that you like that you want me to do," said Kakashi.

Kakashi rolled his eyes. Really, sometimes Sasuke was hopeless. If there was something Sasuke wanted he'd do his best to deliver. If he didn't want, well, there was always the shower and his imagination. Wouldn't be the first time. He didn't want to push his luck and ask if there was something Sasuke might want to do in return; it wasn't explicitly part of the deal at the moment, and he didn't want to change the rules on Sasuke and have him freeze and never come back. Kakashi's stomach jerked when he realized how much he wanted him to come back.

Sasuke opened his mouth, inhaled, and hesitated. The air came out in a whoosh. Kakashi could see the gears turning.

"Well?" he said.

"It's stupid," said Sasuke.

He scooted a little further away from him on the couch. Not a good sign.

"I don't know what it is," Kakashi said. "But nothing you say here, between us, is ever stupid."

"Well, it's just that…" said Sasuke.

Sasuke twisted his hands up in his lap.

"No one's ever asked. If it…this…that's what I wanted," he said.

Sasuke's face tightened up a bit, and he refused to actually look at Kakashi.

"Sasuke," Kakashi said. "I don't want to do things that you don't want. If you want to stop now, I won't hold it against you."

Kakashi turned the thought over. Nobody ever asked Sasuke's opinion? But he wasn't inexperienced… Kakashi's frame of mind got a little darker. He didn't know the details, might never know the details, but he would walk out now if Sasuke wanted to stop. It would kill him, a little, but there could be other times to try again, if he backed off. If he kept going when Sasuke was unsure, Kakashi knew there would be no second chances.

Sasuke scowled and crossed his arms.

"I'm not some weak little girl," said Sasuke. "I don't want to stop. Maybe if …"

Sasuke paused again.

"Yes?" said Kakashi.

"I liked…the thing with my hands," Sasuke said.

He had a vaguely embarrassed look on his face now, and those hands were conspicuously immobile, flattened out against his thighs.

"Like…really liked it," Sasuke said.

His fingers curled up into the fabric of his pants.

Kakashi looked closely at Sasuke's face, at his hands, at the tension riding his body.

"Your hands, then?" said Kakashi.

Kakashi slid the tips of his fingers across Sasuke's, and he was gratified when Sasuke shifted a bit in his seat and breathed a little faster. He took Sasuke's hand between his and ran his fingers over the palm and the warm, soft swell of the thumb. He traced the veins down the wrist and then came back up the heel and side of the pinky.

Sasuke leaned against Kakashi and Kakashi could feel his heartbeat kicking up. A surreptitious glance downward to the juncture of Sasuke's legs confirmed the success of these tactics. Well… Kakashi hoped Sasuke would enjoy what he intended to do next.

Carefully, Kakashi drew his hand close to his face. He licked a stripe down the middle of Sasuke's pinky. Sasuke shuddered, pressing closer. Kakashi ran his tongue down the ring finger and up the middle finger. Sasuke groaned and grabbed Kakashi's free hand with his. When Kakashi laved his index finger, Sasuke gripped him hard enough that the joints in his fingers popped.

"Easy, Sasuke," Kakashi said.

He continued moving his tongue over the finger. Sasuke tasted salty-sweet and his skin was smooth, and Kakashi didn't want to stop. Sasuke made his mouth water.

"Sorry."

The pain in his hand eased up a bit.

And then Kakashi sucked Sasuke's thumb into his mouth. Sasuke's head hit his shoulder and he moaned, voice low and tight. Kakashi was surprised to find that his no-longer-free-hand, guided by Sasuke, was making its way into Sasuke's pants. When he touched a part of Sasuke that he'd never seen, let alone felt, Kakashi bit the pad of Sasuke's thumb a little harder than he intended. Sasuke's hand jerked in Kakashi's grip...but he didn't take it back.

Kakashi ran his tongue over the bite in apology. Sasuke's skin was so hot, and a little slick, and he wiggled his fingers and watched the fabric of Sasuke's pants move accordingly. Sasuke bore down with his hand and directed Kakashi without words. Kakashi liked it, liked the feel of Sasuke in his hand, liked his finger in his mouth, wet with saliva. He liked how their sweat mingled at each point their skin touched, how Sasuke's nipple contracted when his forearm brushed against it, and how, when he rubbed harder against it, Sasuke licked his lips and groaned.

Sasuke's eyes were squeezed shut and his jaw was clenched. His head lolled against Kakashi's shoulder and his hair itched against Kakashi's neck. Kakashi was tempted to scratch, but he didn't want to stop touching Sasuke. Drawing circles on Sasuke's palm with his tongue, Kakashi nipped each fingertip in turn. Each bite corresponded with a stroke down Sasuke and an upward hitch of his hips. Sasuke's breath washed across his face. He quivered under Kakashi's touch.

Kakashi shifted positions a bit, so that he was more or less behind Sasuke. Sasuke took the interruption fairly well. Now, he rubbed against Sasuke's lower back a bit every time he moved. He relished the rough friction of the vertebrae against him. His fingers tightened around Sasuke, and suddenly Sasuke was moving with urgency.

Kakashi gave up licking Sasuke's hand and instead started wriggling his other hand into Sasuke's pants as well. Never letting go of Kakashi, never ceasing to move their joined hands over him, Sasuke jerked his fly open, one-handed. Kakashi took the invitation. He rocked against him and moved his hands with Sasuke's, touching whatever, wherever he could reach. Sasuke panted and kept knocking his head on Kakashi's chest, pushing hard against him and biting his lip. Kakashi blinked sweat out of his eyes and gave Sasuke one last, hard stroke.

Sasuke tensed and came, throat working, jaw dropped, chest rising and falling as he shook and gasped for air. His whole body shuddered, and he accidentally shoved Kakashi backward into the couch's seat cushions.

Breathing hard, Sasuke lay without moving, an elbow in Kakashi's side. Kakashi took one of his hands back. It was smeared with Sasuke's come. He left the other where it was on Sasuke's hot flesh, still touching, still connected. As carefully as he could, Kakashi eased his freed hand underneath Sasuke and jerked off, trying not to think about how Sasuke's bare back pressed against him felt, how he'd like to do more than just touch, how Sasuke would feel and taste and sound, if only he could…

Kakashi came almost embarrassingly fast.


	22. Chapter 22

Sasuke walked in the dream. He knew it was a dream, and yet it still felt very, very real. He walked through his Mangekyou world, black and white and strange, half-formed as ever. Sword in hand, he wandered. It was never a good idea to roam his subconscious unarmed.

For hours, for days, he roamed the black desert, finding nothing. And then, he came to a field, to the field he'd known all along was there. Sasuke hadn't been looking for it, but it had found him, and it was angry. Thick black mud--or was it magma? Or tar?--boiled and tried to suck him into it. It hissed through the air, latching onto Sasuke's clothing, left dark smears behind.

Sasuke cut through the substance, wielding his sword in neat arcs, intercepting most of it in midair. The blackness rained down around him. Sasuke realized then that it wasn't tar or mud or anything else like that. It was old blood, long ago gone necrotic and thick. Sasuke's mouth twisted upward, and he sneered at the potter's field.

Impatient, he sank his sword into the muck. The blade slowly consumed what was there, changing colors as it sucked the blood up and cleared the field. The landscape went still under his gaze, no longer reached out for him. A thin coating of liquid stuck to Sasuke's feet as he walked onto the bad earth. He frowned. Something was not right, just beyond what he could clearly see of the field.

He knew this place well, had come to it many times in his dreams, and it had never had anything in it, save the bodies of the dead. His dead. He walked, dispassionate, along a path lined with bones. They were all vague, all similarly darkened by blood and grief and time, but he knew each set. He knew who each jumble of femurs, ribs, and spine had once been. Aunts, uncles, cousins. Enemies he'd fought and killed. And there, newly made, lay the clean bones of Juugo, of Karin and Suigetsu, not yet stained by the field. Sasuke walked on, knowing that if he stopped, if he wavered in purpose or thought while traveling this path, the bones would whisper truths to him. He was not well inclined to listening to the dead.

Sasuke came to the center of the field and he understood, immediately. Here was the column in which he'd subsumed Orochimaru. It was blasted and shattered now, its occupant long dead. Without thinking, Sasuke laid a hand on his curse seal. He shivered.

Towering over the column was the nine-eyed statue. He hadn't seen it since that day, years ago, but he still remembered its every detail. Sasuke was almost relieved that the body of his brother was nowhere to be found, even here. Itachi had looked so small at the foot of the stonework. Sasuke felt even smaller still. As frightening and massive as ever, the statue could have blotted out the sun, if the sun had dared to shine in this land.

The statue was quiescent. All the eyes were closed, the air around it dead silent. Its hands were cupped together, though still shackled, and Sasuke frowned. The statue wasn't like that. Even in his dreams it had never appeared like this. Something was wrong. Sasuke knew, in the way that is instinctive to all dreams, what to do. He leapt up and tapped one of the hands with his sword. The noise of it: bright and silver, belled through the world, reverberated across the unseen lands. Sasuke jumped down and away. He only waited a moment before something happened.

The statue's hands opened. Sasuke froze. A man sat on the edge of the giant hands. No, no, no. He felt himself begin to sweat. This wasn't right, this wasn't how it was supposed to be. The dream was all wrong, had gone soft like rotten fruit. Sasuke dropped his sword. It sank into the ground. And then he began to sink as well, down, down, down into the earth, all the while staring up at the hands of the statue, straining to see the face of the man. Sasuke's ankles were gone. His knees. His waist. Shoulders. Neck. Sasuke couldn't move. He couldn't breathe as the earth crushed him.

And then he was watching his twelve-year-old self repeating Kakashi's bell test, except Kakashi sometimes wasn't Kakashi and the bells weren't always bells. Kakashi dangled Sasuke's own eyes in front of him as he was pinned underground, helpless in his twelve-year-old body.

"Nails that stick out should be hammered in," said Kakashi. "You won't be needing these any more."

And Kakashi pushed the eyes into his own head and he wasn't Kakashi now, but Itachi. His hair flickered from white to black and back again. Itachi's breath was fetid and, for a minute, Sasuke faced not his brother, but a giant white carrion bird. It tapped Sasuke's forehead with its heavy beak. Sasuke's head rang from the blow. The bird bated, and its form settled back into Itachi, his cloak flapping as he pulled it to himself and knelt.

"Little brother," said Itachi. "Can you see the truth yet?"

The whole world flickered and Sasuke was free again, gasping for breath in front of the statue.

"You'll never be free of me, Sasuke-kun."

That voice set Sasuke's teeth on edge. He didn't dare turn, didn't look up. The feet in front of him, that voice…It was Orochimaru, without a doubt. Though he was dead, he stood before Sasuke.

"Tell me," said Orochimaru. "Do you like my little gift?"

Sasuke's neck burned and he could feel the curse seal spreading over him, oily, slick. Poisonous. It wove through his chakra and pulled him upright.

Then it stopped. Orochimaru was gone. Sasuke cast about wildly, trying to understand the meaning of the dream and failing. He wondered if he'd even remember it when he woke.

Before him, the statue shook, rumbling like an earthquake. It opened its eyes. Sasuke trembled before it, unwillingly dropping to his knees as the ground shifted around him. His strength ebbed away. Sasuke knew could control the dream if he just tried hard enough, before something really bad happened. He could feel the bad things rushing toward him and he didn't want to know what would happen next. Sasuke clenched his fist hard enough for his nails to cut into his palm. Blood dripped from his hand to the ground. The earth drank it in. Wake up, he told himself. Wake up now.

The statue spoke. Its voice was terrible, tearing at Sasuke's ears. He clasped his hands over his head, but he could still hear it.

"We are waiting," it said. "We are waiting for you."

Its eyes focused on him. Suddenly the statue opened its mouth, and great gouts of chakra spilled from it, washing over Sasuke. It penetrated his skin and body and mind and soul in a thousand sharp ways. He forgot about trying to wake himself. He forgot about everything beyond this, beyond the moment of now as he became a conduit through which the energy moved. And still the chakra came, filling him beyond capacity, arcing and sizzling across his skin and through his body.

Sasuke screamed as the chakra swallowed him whole.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've wondered before if the break between this chapter and the previous one is too abrupt. But, truthfully, I kind of like it this way. Also, to make a clarification for the future, the only chapters that come from Sasuke's perspective are the ones like this, where we see his dreams.


	23. Chapter 23

A scant few hours into the night, Kakashi woke. At first he didn't know what had roused him, but then he did: Sasuke's chakra was flaring wildly, pulsing and flooding the house. The air was tangled and thick with it. Something was very, very wrong. Kakashi groped for the light and shoved back the covers. He kicked his way free of the sheets around his ankles. With barely a thought, he grabbed a kunai, opened his bedroom door, and ran down the hall to Sasuke's room.

He pounded on the door, waited half a second for a response, and broke it in.

At first, Kakashi thought nothing was wrong. Sasuke appeared to be sleeping. There was no one else in the room, nothing to provoke such a response. One of the shutters over the window had come loose. Kakashi secured it. Not being incautious, he walked around to the foot of Sasuke's bed, out of arm's reach but in full view of whatever move a startled Sasuke might make.

"Sasuke," he said. "Wake up."

No response. Kakashi spoke louder.

"Wake up, Sasuke," he said. "You're having a nightmare. Wake up."

Sasuke stirred underneath the covers.

"Wake up," said Kakashi. "It's time to wake up now."

And Sasuke sat bolt upright.

"You were having a nightmare," said Kakashi. "Are you okay?"

Sasuke opened his eyes, and Kakashi's stomach dropped. Oh no. The Mangekyou swallowed him before he could think another thought, before he could cry out or alert anyone. He was caught in Sasuke's nightmare before he could even blink.

  


In the distant blackness of the dream world, Kakashi heard screaming. It came from every direction. He turned around, looking for some sign of where he was, but all he could see was the suggestion of a floor, or maybe of ground. He wasn't sure. What he could see sheared off at about six feet out, no matter which way he faced.

Kakashi looked at himself, taking stock. He appeared to be the same as ever, though remarkably unharmed. Previous Mangekyou experience taught him that this was not the usual way of things. Something was indeed very wrong. Sasuke should have been here, with him. Kakashi had never been alone in the dreamscape before, and it was eerie. And then the screaming came again, and he broke out in a cold sweat. It sounded like Sasuke. But what harm could come to him here, in his own world? Kakashi picked a direction and started running.

There was no way for him to tell if he was making progress. He couldn't even be sure he wasn't running in a circle, the clues to forward movement being so obscured here, his finely honed senses of direction nigh on useless. But, as the screaming came again, tearing through the air and boring into his ears, Kakashi thought it was just a hair louder. He kept running.

In the blink of an eye, the dream world changed around him. Kakashi was somewhere else now. He still couldn't make out the details of the world beyond the pervasive and oppressive gloom, but there Sasuke was, curled up on the ground, and that was all that mattered for now.

Kakashi didn't hesitate in approaching him, though it might not have been him at all. This world had ways of going sour, and things were almost never what they seemed. Still, he did not stop himself from reaching out to Sasuke. Kakashi grabbed him by the shoulder and shook him. Sasuke's face was deathly still, and his body was cold. Sasuke didn't move.

"Wake up," said Kakashi. "Please wake up, Sasuke. It's a dream."

Kakashi could feel his own heartbeat through his fingers, so tightly was he holding onto Sasuke. Nothing. Sasuke wasn't even breathing, though Kakashi wasn't sure if that was required in dreams or not. Sasuke had to wake. Kakashi waited. He held his breath, but he refused to let go.

After an immeasurable amount of time, Sasuke twitched. His eyes opened, first a hair, then so wide the whites showed all the way around. He sucked in a great gasp of air. The Mangekyou world melted away.

  


Kakashi came back to himself slowly, breathing hard, sweaty, and shaking. He leaned forward on the foot of Sasuke's bed and knelt, let the bed support his weight.

"Sasuke?" he said.

"Yeah?" said Sasuke.

"What the hell was that?" said Kakashi.

He didn't have the energy to put proper inflection or force behind his words. Sasuke turned on the bedside light. Kakashi blinked.

"It was nothing," said Sasuke. "Just a dream."

Sasuke looked waxy pale and drawn, his eyes two bruises in his face. His hands shook as he smoothed the covers around him. He patted the blankets into place over and over.

"That wasn't just a dream," said Kakashi. "You were dead."

"A nightmare then," said Sasuke. "If that pleases you better."

His voice was thin and bitter, a far cry from how he usually spoke.

"Like hell it was just a dream," said Kakashi.

He pushed himself to stand again, but his limbs were still too weak to coordinate. He shifted and made dents in the covers with his elbows.

"Prove it," said Sasuke.

"I don't know what happened to you," said Kakashi. "But you need help."

"I'm fine," said Sasuke. "I can handle it."

And Kakashi was too tired to argue any more. No matter how he wanted to help, he could do nothing if Sasuke didn't let him. Just a few hours ago, he'd been warm and alive and open to Kakashi. Right now, Sasuke was as pliant as granite. Kakashi frowned.

"Fine," said Kakashi. "Good night."

He struggled to his feet and staggered out of the room.

Kakashi lay in bed afterward and waited for the adrenaline to dissipate, for his heart to stop pounding. He waited for the fear he felt to lessen. Sasuke was fine--he wasn't dead, wasn't injured or missing or trapped in his own nightmares. Kakashi forced himself to breathe slowly, in through the nose and out through the mouth in even measure. But, as hard as he tried, he could not stop shivering.


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter Twenty Three

When Kakashi rose again, it was nearing noon. He dragged himself to the shower and fought his way into clean clothing afterward. While dressing, he wondered what Sasuke might have made for lunch: something good, no doubt, though whether it could be construed as a thank you or as an apology, Kakashi couldn't begin to guess. He went downstairs.

To his surprise, the kitchen was devoid of anything resembling lunch. And, now that he opened his awareness, he realized that Sasuke wasn't even in the house. He was out in the woods somewhere. Far out, maybe even beyond the boundaries of their training grounds. Kakashi sighed. Apparently, Sasuke had no intentions of making lunch today. Kakashi inspected the fridge and half-smiled at the note there, two bare words neatly lettered in the middle of a piece of paper.

"Eat leftovers," said Kakashi. "Okay then."

He opened the refrigerator, selected a plate that looked edible, and ate it cold while standing in front of the sink. He chased a few stray grains of rice around the edge of the plate, and then he rinsed his plate and left it in the sink. Kakashi muffled a yawn. It hit him at that moment, really, truly hit him, why he was so tired. He was launched into an uncomfortable state of alertness. The events of the night before were like a bad dream. Kakashi scratched his head. They were, in fact, a bad dream, and what had been muddled just minutes before now formed with great clarity in his mind. Sasuke had been ...

The food sat in Kakashi's gut like lead, an unyielding lump, as he again pushed his senses outward and sought Sasuke's chakra. What he found was cause for concern. Sasuke's chakra was disturbed. It should have been smooth and flowing, responding to demands on it as Sasuke performed jutsu. Instead, it was ragged. It fluctuated, spiking without warning one moment and dropping down to practically nonexistent the next. No exercise Kakashi knew would require such action, which suggested the trouble in Sasuke's chakra was involuntary. Kakashi frowned. This was bad and unsettling, but even in this unstable state, Kakashi was sure Sasuke had done nothing dangerous. Yes, his chakra was woefully out of control, but that didn't necessarily mean anything. People had chakra fluxes all the time, didn't they? He forced himself to try to put aside his worries.

A knock came at the door. Kakashi went to answer it, his hands held tight against his body. He padded across the living room to the front of the house. Opening the door, he found Neji standing there.

"Hatake-sempai," said Neji.

Neji looked as collected as ever, not a hair out of place, pale eyes as unreadable as the last time Kakashi had seen him.

"Neji," said Kakashi. "What brings you to our neck of the woods?"

There was something off about this. visit. Kakashi decided. The hairs on the back of his neck rose. It was too convenient, too pat that Neji should show up just when Sasuke was having trouble with his chakra.

"I thought I might visit with Sasuke," said Neji. "Is he available?"

Sasuke's chakra spiked again somewhere in the depths of the woods. Neji's eyes flicked, just for a second, and Kakashi's suspicions were confirmed.

"I'm afraid he's out training," said Kakashi.

He leaned against the doorframe and crossed his arms.

"Well then," said Neji. "My apologies for disturbing you."

With a polite bow, he took off into the woods. Kakashi wasn't surprised that he headed straight for Sasuke's position.

Closing the door behind him, Kakashi came outside. The sunlight was thin today, no match for the chill, early December air. He stared out after them, as if it were possible to see Neji running through the trees, if he looked hard enough. He gazed upward at the grey clouds driven across the sky. The tree limbs looked black against them, and Kakashi felt goosebumps rise on his arms when he thought about how similar this day was to the night he'd tried to intervene and stop Sasuke from leaving. He shook his head. He reminded himself that this wasn't the same at all. It wasn't the same tree, wasn't even the same season.

Kakashi sat on the edge of the porch and continued to monitor Sasuke's chakra. It was so erratic that he couldn't tell what Sasuke was doing: assuming, of course, that he was doing anything at all. It was impossible to know at the moment. He sighed and fished a book out of his pocket. Kakashi flipped through a few pages before settling to read. The wind soughed through the trees, bringing the scent of far-off snow to his nose. He surveyed the clouds again and wondered if he ought to lay a fire, inside, for when Sasuke came back. Come to think of it, he probably should have done that as soon as he'd gotten up. Kakashi sighed. Today was so beyond the scope of routine that it was almost funny. Restlessly, he turned another page in the book.

Sasuke's chakra continued to saw at his awareness and then it stopped, cut off in mid-flare. Kakashi dropped his book and scrambled upright. He stood a little straighter, tensions he hadn't even been aware of suddenly easing. Kakashi frowned despite this. He had suspicions, but he wouldn't be able to confirm them until later, when Sasuke came back. Kakashi was tempted to chase after him and see what was going on, but he knew neither Sasuke nor Neji would thank him for his concerns. As his whole body attuned itself to listening, senses on tenterhooks, Kakashi read the same paragraph over and over. His patience and hearing strained as he waited for Sasuke.

Hours later, Sasuke came out of the woods. Kakashi was taken aback by the glaring wrongness of it. He set his book carefully to one side, even as his heart started to race. Sasuke was walking. Sasuke never walked when he came back from the training grounds; he flew out of the trees, propelled with chakra-enhanced legs, bouncing from limb to limb and coming to a halt in a cloud of dust and kicked-up leaves. But here Sasuke was, for all the world an ordinary pedestrian. It wore on Kakashi's last nerve.

Sasuke walked up to him, not meeting his eyes. Kakashi grabbed him. Sasuke winced under his grip. Kakashi rolled up Sasuke's sleeve. Bruises dotted his arm. Kakashi made to check the other, but Sasuke pulled away and, without a word, stripped to the waist, his shirt billowing out behind him. Kakashi drew in a breath far too quickly and noisily for his liking. Sasuke shivered in the wind.

Sasuke was bruised all over: tiny, evenly distributed bruises followed his chakra coils. Kakashi was willing to bet that the spots were all over his body.

"He hit your tenketsu," said Kakashi. "It's a dangerous thing to do, hitting all of them at once."

He struggled to keep himself conversational. He couldn't properly convey. what he felt with those few words. He was angry, yes, very angry that Neji had laid a finger on Sasuke--and really, a finger would be all it would take to permanently harm or even kill, with Neji's particular skills.

"I asked him to," said Sasuke.

This explained nothing that Kakashi wanted to know.

"Oh?" said Kakashi.

His jaw clenched. He forced his breath to be even and slow.

"Yes," said Sasuke.

He frowned, hesitating, clearly trying to articulate his thoughts. Kakashi didn't know if he could be patient enough to wait for Sasuke's explanation.

"I'm feeling better now," said Sasuke.

It was a peace offering, and Kakashi knew it, but he couldn't accept it, not entirely, not when the adrenaline was trickling into his blood and his hearing kept filling so that he couldn't understand what Sasuke was saying. His heart was too loud and he wanted it to slow down, to be quiet again.

"And when your tenketsu heal?" said Kakashi. "You know the ANBU will report what happened."

What he didn't say was how terrible the idea made him feel, how helpless he was to stop something bad from happening, should the Hokage decide Sasuke was a clear danger.

"I'm supposed to meditate," said Sasuke. "Neji is confident that, with daily meditation, I will regain my former control within a week or two."

Sasuke's jaw worked up and down and his hands tightened convulsively at his sides. His eyes were shadowed. He looked everywhere but at Kakashi. And then Kakashi understood. He stepped forward and, mindful of the bruises, put his hands on Sasuke's shoulders, rested them gently on him, and pulled him forward an inch.

"It's not your fault," said Kakashi. "Whatever happened to cause this wasn't your fault. And it can be fixed, so that's something."

"Right," said Sasuke. "It can be fixed."

But he still looked down, away from Kakashi, as he went inside.

Kakashi's palms burned from the coldness of Sasuke's skin. The mix of anger and fear Kakashi felt worsened as he sat again on the porch for a minute. He exhaled, trying to calm the roiling in his stomach. He closed his eyes. Nothing had gone wrong. Nothing would happen to Sasuke because nothing bad had happened. He focused on his breathing, inhaling and exhaling deeply. Steeling himself, Kakashi opened his eyes and stood. He followed Sasuke into the house. His hands were still cold.


	25. Chapter 25

The marks over Sasuke's tenketsu faded a little more each day. As the black and purple bruises dimmed into green and yellow, Kakashi continued to worry. He worried even when Sasuke was, for all appearances, healed. In fact, to the casual observer, Sasuke was perfectly normal--at least, as normal as he ever was. He followed his routines, showed his usual mercurial moods, and did more or less what anyone might expect of him. Now deep into winter, Sasuke huddled in front of the fire as he meditated per Neji's advice.

Kakashi wasn't convinced Sasuke was actually healing; knowing him fairly well, Kakashi guessed that he was just getting better at covering up the instabilities in his chakra. Before, he had had chakra like a lazy river: smooth, flowing, all working together. That river had rapids in it now, hidden rocks creating unexpected eddies and abrupt diversions of the power. The troubled spots weren't static, either. They cropped up anew each morning and shifted around in his chakra coils.

Kakashi watched and waited. He waited for some sort of sign from Sasuke that it might be acceptable to talk about the chakra disturbances. He knew Sasuke would probably never tell him what had caused the problems in the first place, but Kakashi still wanted to give Sasuke the chance to come forward on his own. That vague hope he held for such a confession was, really and truly, against almost everything he knew; it wasn't in Sasuke's nature to give away that kind of information, and it wasn't in Kakashi's to solicit it.

The waiting wore on him. Their mutual silence chewed up what peace they had, and it ate away at Kakashi, too. He caught himself longing for the days not far gone by, when he and Sasuke had negotiated that selfsame peace, had drafted a contract between them and signed it with a few fumbling minutes stretched out on the couch. To find that he wanted that peace back again was… He missed the comfortable quiet and warmth of Sasuke. Kakashi tried, and failed, to analyze his way to a logical conclusion.

That wasn't something he wanted to dwell on, though, not with Sasuke's questionable well-being staring him in the face every day. Kakashi might have been more patient under other circumstances, but he was worn out with waiting and the stress of the situation as it stood. Even now, he expected ANBU or a messenger from the Hokage to come knocking on the door and demand answers. He needed information, and there was only one source of it, barring Sasuke himself. He decided, then and there, to track down Neji.

When it became obvious that Neji was avoiding him, Kakashi's patience strained to breaking. Not only did he not see Neji around the village, but he didn't see anyone who would see Neji on a regular basis, either; Kakashi knew from a quick snoop in the mission room that neither Neji nor his regular cadre were out of the village.

Kakashi was impatient and determined to outlast Neji in this little cold war. He stuck close to Sasuke, secure in the knowledge that Neji would eventually come to check Sasuke's progress in person. Kakashi snorted to himself. Neji was more arrogant than Kakashi believed him to be if he thought that Kakashi couldn't tell when the Byakugan--Neji's Byakugan--focused in on Sasuke. There was a taste to the air, and Sasuke broke out in goosebumps whenever it happened. Considering that he spent almost every waking hour camped out in front of the woodstove, goosebumps were hard to come by.

  


Neji finally came to call, three weeks to the day after his last visit. Kakashi could sense that familiar chakra moving through the woods. He clenched a fist and slowly let it out as he remembered how dark the bruises were that Neji had left on Sasuke's pale skin.

Kakashi moved himself out into the training grounds before Neji actually arrived, and he stayed there while Neji and Sasuke talked. At least, he assumed they were talking. They might have been playing board games. Maybe they read books? Or perhaps it was a staring contest. Kakashi still wasn't sure what held their friendship together, but it was a strong relationship. It thrived despite the seeming neglect Sasuke heaped upon it, despite the distance written in Neji's features every time he came knocking.

  


Kakashi caught up with Neji just as he was exiting the house.

"Hello, Neji," said Kakashi.

Neji's fingers came within milliseconds of being crushed in the jamb of the sliding door. Kakashi hid a sharp smile. Really, he had hardly intended to sneak up on Sasuke's visitor. And was it his imagination, or did Neji seem jumpy beneath that polished exterior?

"Hatake-sempai," said Neji. "Good day."

He nodded, cold but polite, and made to leave.

Kakashi blocked Neji's escape route. He fenced him in with one long arm, leaning nonchalantly against the building, oh-so coincidentally between Neji and the open space of the porch. Neji was stuck in the doorway with little room to maneuver.

"May I be of assistance?" said Neji.

Well-controlled anger smoldered in the backs of his eyes.

"Why, as a matter of fact, you can," said Kakashi.

"Oh?" said Neji.

One of his eyebrows arched, supercilious, but it conveyed both irritation and worry to Kakashi's well-trained eye.

"You can tell me, right now, everything you know about what's happening to Sasuke," said Kakashi. "And if you talk fast enough, I'll let you leave with all your extremities still attached."

Kakashi twirled a kunai casually at the end of one long finger and sank the point into the wall a hair's breadth from Neji's neck. He had to give the kid--and really, why was he still thinking of that generation as children?--credit. Neji didn't bat an eyelash at the blatant threats.

"Do you think Sasuke would be happy, overhearing such a conversation?" said Neji.

He shouldered his way past Kakashi, scraping the flat of the kunai as he went, every muscle tense as if he expected Kakashi to knife him. For a moment, he stood back to. Then he looked back over his shoulder, nose angled slightly towards the skies. His mouth twisted downward. At length, he spoke, barely audible even to Kakashi's sensitive ears.

"It would be better to take this conversation elsewhere, if you are so determined," said Neji.

And so, without further discussion, they slipped off, barely a snowflake or twig disturbed by their passage through the woods.


	26. Chapter 26

In the frozen forest, far out of range of Sasuke's senses, Kakashi crossed his arms and stared Neji down.

"Oh, really?" said Kakashi.

"I have no reason to lie," Neji said. "But whether you believe me or not is your prerogative."

"Mmm," said Kakashi.

On the one hand, it was quite likely that Sasuke really had told Neji nothing, had just, as Neji claimed, ordered him to block his chakra. On the other hand, Neji was Sasuke's only friend, and Kakashi's admittedly skewed grasp of friendship led him to the conclusion that Neji could just as easily be lying to protect Sasuke. After all, it was what he himself would do.

"You're sure that he didn't say anything?" said Kakashi.

"I am certain," said Neji.

His jaw had a decidedly stubborn set to it and his eyes were a bit narrowed, but that didn't mean he was lying. He could just be annoyed. Kakashi thought it prudent to change topics before he pestered Neji into complete silence.

"So," said Kakashi. "What do you two do anyway, when you visit?"

He feigned casualness, even going so far as to cross his arms behind his head and lean against a tree. A puff of snow slid down the back of his jacket. He ignored it as it melted into his clothing.

"I have no idea what you mean," said Neji.

There was something lurking in the depths of Neji's eyes, something close to laughter, and Kakashi didn't like it. He suspected Neji was laughing at him.

"I'm curious about your friendship," said Kakashi. "Enlighten me."

He was too good a ninja to be tap his foot against the ground with impatience, but that didn't mean he wasn't tempted. Kakashi wasn't one for emotional displays, ordinarily.

"Ah," said Neji. "It was at Gai's insistence that I first visited, as you may recall."

Kakashi nodded. Neji stared off thoughtfully into the distance for a minute, breath coming in cold white clouds and wreathing about his head before dissipating.

"It comes down to this," said Neji. "Sasuke and I are actually quite alike."

He thought a moment more, and a smile flitted across his face.

"Gai is a surprisingly good judge of character," said Neji. "Even of one so muddied by events as Sasuke's."

"Is that so?" said Kakashi.

He tucked the nugget of information away for further thought.

"Not that my own is any better," said Neji. "As I said, we are rather alike."

Neji glanced upward into the crowns of the trees. What he saw there, Kakashi couldn't begin to guess. Through the snow-laden branches, clouds the color of iron scudded across the sky. A cold wind gusted fitfully over the forest floor. The air smelled like snow.

"I must make my farewells," Neji said. "I am expected elsewhere quite soon, I am afraid."

"It was good to have this little talk," said Kakashi.

He clenched his teeth. Neji didn't seem at all sorry to be leaving. Clearly this talk had been an exercise in frustration.

"Please make sure Sasuke continues to meditate," said Neji. "It is vital to his recovery."

"I will," said Kakashi. "Though, I recall you saying that Sasuke's control would be back by now."

Neji frowned. He hesitated, brow furrowed, then spoke.

"Perhaps he is not meditating properly," said Neji. "But he is vastly improved from my last visit."

Kakashi froze. Sasuke had been working very, very hard to regain control. Neji hadn't been by in three weeks, for all of his long-distance check-ins. What did Neji know about Sasuke's condition? Scorn soured Kakashi's mood, and he couldn't quite squash the ugly impulse of his anger.

"About that last visit," said Kakashi. "Cutting chakra flow off like that can be dangerous, don't you think?"

He paused and measured Neji with his eyes.

"I seem to remember your cousin having a hard time after you blocked her tenketsu in that first chuunin exam. Remember?" said Kakashi. "I hope you are more careful in future."

Kakashi flexed in the cold air, warming his muscles in preparation for the short journey back to the house. As he adjusted the weapons pouch at his back, he felt his temper rising and tried to choke it down again.

"It was necessary for Sasuke," said Neji. "I did it as efficiently and painlessly as I could."

His face was shuttered, his voice flat. His eyes stayed on Kakashi's hands.

"If you say so, Neji," said Kakashi. "Who am I to doubt you, the up-and-coming premiere authority on tenketsu?"

Neji's face tightened.

"I don't see how that's any of your business," said Neji. "I'm not even going to ask what you think you know."

Kakashi smiled at Neji. It was not nice, though Neji was not in a position to appreciate the full effect, given that Kakashi's mask was firmly in place.

"It's amazing how proud Gai still is of his former students," said Kakashi. "Did you know, Neji, that he has on occasion been known to brag about a certain precious student's healing hands?"

Neji looked pained.

"Never mind that you've done quite a bit worse with your talents than a bit of useful chakra blocking here and there," said Kakashi. "Gai has always tended to focus on the positives."

"I understand that you are angry with me," said Neji. "But I would think covering up for Sasuke would be better than the alternatives."

His face was patient and it cut through the veneer of Kakashi's pleasure completely. Kakashi's thoughts went a mile a minute, calculating, weighing the possibilities of a fight with Neji. He would be a difficult match at close range, and with the improvements Neji had made to his techniques over the years, he was probably stiff competition at mid-range as well. Kakashi gave himself better than even odds at long range if he could circumvent Neji's Byakugan somehow.

"Oh?" said Kakashi. "Do you really understand?"

He allowed himself to sound bored as he flashed through which seals he could form one-handed. His fingers twitched in anticipation, and he slid one hand into a pocket.

"Do you really know how I felt, viewing your handiwork?" said Kakashi. "Angry doesn't cover it."

"Kakashi," said Neji. "This argument will not resolve anything."

Kakashi tipped his hitai-ate up and trained his eye on Neji.

"Oh really?" said Kakashi.

His voice went from cheerful to deadly seriousness in the blink of an eye.

"I'm not convinced it won't," Kakashi said.

Neji folded himself neatly into the Hakke stance.

"I do not want to fight," said Neji. "But it seems you leave me with little choice."

"Wrong," said Kakashi. "I'm not giving you a choice at all."

Neji sighed, though his shoulders stayed firm.

"Allow me the opening move, then," said Neji. "Kaiten!"

Kakashi leapt back, hopefully out of range, and tracked the energy's flow with his Sharingan. A fraction of the power Neji sent out caught up with him regardless. Kakashi came away, the unpleasant feeling of the solid, electric air that brushed against him lingering on. His right arm tingled. Shaking the pins and needles out of it, Kakashi formed seals for a jutsu. He slapped the ground in front of him and charged it with chakra, willing it to buckle and roll into a wave.

Nothing happened.

Kakashi jerked the sleeve of his jacket up and out of the way. Tiny red marks marched up and down his arm at regular intervals.

"Neji," said Kakashi. "Is this what I think it is?"

"Surely you didn't think all my work was merely dull research requiring me to be sequestered in an office," said Neji. "If I may be allowed to boast, I did warn you."

Kakashi shrugged, which felt odd with only partial sensation in one side.

"It'll take more than the loss of an arm to change my mind about what you've done," said Kakashi. "but I'll give you a reprieve for now. You did say you had an appointment, and I'd hate to keep you from that."

And the bunshin in front of Neji popped.

Neji activated his Byakugan and swept the woods with his power. Kakashi was nowhere to be found. Gradually, Neji relaxed when no attack was forthcoming, and, after some time waiting in the cold, alone and pacing in the snow, he raced off through the trees.

  


Kakashi felt Neji moving away, though his ability to sense chakra was hampered by the damage he'd sustained. It was fortunate that Kakashi could make clones with one hand. It seemed the young Hyuuga was living up to his reputation as a genius after all. When Neji was beyond the range of what he could sense, Kakashi spent a little time trying to rub feeling back into his arm and shoulder. Idly, he wondered how long it would be before he healed. It looked like less damage on the surface, but who knew how far Neji's chakra had penetrated.

Had Kakashi been truly determined to fight with Neji, the blocked tenketsu wouldn't have stopped him. There wasn't much point in fighting, not after his rational mind had caught up with the rest of him. Even though he had lost his temper, he'd regained control quickly enough that nothing much had happened. With any luck at all, Neji would have decided that provoking a fight was just another method of information-gathering Kakashi had employed. He'd learned all he could from Neji about Sasuke before the abortive fight, anyway, but Neji might not know that.

It was damnably cold out in the woods, and the mask on Kakashi's face was rimed with frost. The wind cut through the trees and ground ice into what little exposed skin he had. He was convinced his face was getting chapped. Kakashi reasoned that he could continue his brooding and speculations indoors, where it was at least warm, though he wasn't exactly sure how he was going to hide the evidence of Neji's technique from Sasuke. It was a worrisome thought. Sasuke wouldn't be pleased if he found out.

Kakashi continued thinking about it as he slowly made his way home through the snow drifts and ice-covered trees.


	27. Chapter 27

Troubled thoughts swirling round in his head, Kakashi re-entered the house. He rubbed his hands together, trying to warm them. Had Neji really been telling the truth? He shrugged out of his jacket. His instincts told him that Neji had been truthful, but he still felt that he was missing some part of the equation. He took off his shoes and lined them up neatly next to Sasuke's. Kakashi would have to bite his tongue and hope for things to get better, until he had proof either way, even if he was choosing to believe that Neji was telling the truth, that Sasuke was recovering. The strength of that desire for something positive for Sasuke surprised him. Kakashi believed himself to be a pragmatist, though, and he couldn't stop the niggling feeling in the back of his head that things weren't right.

Stepping up into the living room, Kakashi was halfway to recognizing that Sasuke was not in his usual seat next to the stove when someone came at him from the left—his blind side—and swept the legs out from under him. He forgot for a fraction of a second that he couldn't channel chakra into his right arm, and his whole life's worth of training did him a disservice. Kakashi couldn't stop himself trying to use that arm to balance and push up from the floor. He landed awkwardly, left arm not compensating for the imbalance. His head hit the floor. Kakashi lay half across the entryway, one ankle dangling over the step down, kunai in his left hand ready to defend. Clearly, this was not his finest hour. It was almost undignified.

The person came clear, hovering over him, and Kakashi had the perfect opportunity. His grip on the hilt firmed, and he spun the blade around in his hand. His heart skipped a beat, lurching unpleasantly from red alert to relative normal in the blink of an eye. It was Sasuke. Sasuke had ambushed him in their own home. He wasn't sure what to think, at this point. Kakashi's mouth ran interference.

"A simple 'welcome home' would have been fine," said Kakashi. "No need for all this ceremony."

He racked his brains trying to think what this could mean. Sasuke looked mellow, actually, nothing overtly dangerous in his posture or facial expression. He wasn't radiating that sense of menace that Kakashi had come to associate with his bad times. Sasuke bent over him.

"That's not it," said Sasuke, frowning.

It was like he was carrying on an entirely different conversation, Kakashi thought. And he had just stepped into the middle of it.

"I thought, maybe…" said Sasuke.

Sasuke swallowed. He turned his face away a fraction and blinked. Then he spoke again.

"I thought, maybe, we could pick up again," said Sasuke. "You know?"

A hint of color crept along his cheekbones. He adjusted the collar of his shirt and waited.

Kakashi turned it over for a few seconds. From this angle, he could see the way Sasuke's eyelashes shook a little with each breath he took, could see the way Sasuke's eyes had darkened, pupils creeping slowly outward. Did Sasuke mean…? Kakashi rubbed the back of his head where it was tender from hitting the floor. He took another look at Sasuke, who was nervously licking his lips and staring off toward the kitchen, trying to pretend like the answer to his invitation didn't matter. But it did matter, and Sasuke really was saying what Kakashi thought he was.

"Oh," said Kakashi.

Sasuke's face closed, became a little harder to read. Still, it was obvious to Kakashi that he was preparing for rejection.

"Not that I'm trying to complain, but your method of approach could use a little work," said Kakashi.

Though Sasuke couldn't see it, Kakashi was smiling beneath his mask. As to why he was smiling, he himself couldn't define it completely. His feelings seemed to communicate themselves to Sasuke regardless, who looked a little annoyed. Sasuke's flush deepened.

"It's not funny," said Sasuke. " What was I supposed to do? I didn't even know if you…"

Sasuke cut himself off. He looked away again, at some point above Kakashi's head. He drew in a few breaths of air.

"Look," said Sasuke. "Yes or no?"

He sat down then, on the floor next to Kakashi. Without prompting, he eased Kakashi's mask down, inch by inch, fingertips hovering just above his skin. Sasuke sat with his arms around his knees, waiting with visible impatience. But his eyes stayed on Kakashi. The way Sasuke looked at him, so intensely, seeing God-knew-what there and, apparently, liking it, started a warmth glowing inside Kakashi's chest.

The warmth spread elsewhere as he picked out the details of Sasuke as he waited; the pulse in his throat; the way Sasuke's lower lip tightened as he bit it; the fine beads of sweat starting to rise along his temple; the way his body radiated heat as he sat less than an inch away from touching Kakashi. Kakashi shifted over until they brushed against each other. Sasuke twitched and then leaned back against him just enough to keep the contact going, the slightest pressure imaginable. Sasuke let out a breath of air.

"Okay," said Kakashi.

Sasuke rolled over on top of him, carefully landing with one knee on either side of Kakashi. As Sasuke started lifting Kakashi's shirt, Kakashi made sure that it became bundled around his right arm—because Kakashi was sure Sasuke would see the tiny bruises marching up it and know them for what they were. Kakashi pillowed his head with the arm and shirt and inched the angle of his body upward a touch. Sasuke frowned at him and opened his mouth to say something.

"Don't mind me," said Kakashi. "I'm not hurting much, but I'm flattered you would ask."

Sasuke gave him a look. His eyes were guarded.

"Whatever," said Sasuke.

Shirt attended to, Sasuke moved his hands to the belt around Kakashi's waist. He hesitated a second, fingers hooked under the buckle.

"I'm in no hurry, Sasuke," said Kakashi.

"I know," said Sasuke. "I just wanted…to see."

Kakashi thought he understood. He stayed quiet and still as Sasuke made short work of the rest of his clothes. There was an appreciative glitter in Sasuke's eyes as he took in all of Kakashi. He lingered particularly from shoulders to thighs. Sasuke ran a finger over Kakashi's stomach, and Kakashi couldn't help the shiver that contact elicited.

Then Sasuke moved his hands upward over Kakashi, not touching him until he came to settle in his hair. Sasuke's hands were gentle, very gentle as he stroked Kakashi's scalp, his hair, danced over the top of first one ear and then the other, carefully avoiding the band of his hitai-ate. Kakashi was beginning to feel a little like a housecat that had been held too long, when he remembered how sensitive Sasuke's hands were. How must this feel to him? He slid his gaze over Sasuke. Heat spiked in him when he saw how Sasuke's breath came harder, how his eyes were half closed and his fingers trembled just a hair as he went back for each successive pass over Kakashi.

"Sasuke," said Kakashi. "Not that I would ever complain, but is this all you were asking for?"

Sasuke pulled back. The muscles in his thighs flexed against Kakashi's sides. Kakashi felt a pleasant chill sweep over him when he allowed himself to imagine what might come from all this.

"Just shut up," said Sasuke.

His voice was deeper, rougher, and compelling. His tone entranced Kakashi.

"And don't move, either," said Sasuke.

Sasuke rolled his eyes when he said that, but his lips twitched upward in some semblance of a smile. Kakashi felt himself being drawn almost irresistibly toward that flash of the young man Sasuke could have been, could still be if he had half a chance: handsome, domineering, prickly, self-possessed but not without humor. Kakashi's insides did acrobatics as he warmed to the idea of doing this, being here right now. The floor was unyielding beneath him, but it wasn't too cold. It was a nice contrast as Sasuke pressed himself against Kakashi; even through his clothing, Sasuke was hot to the touch, and some parts of him were hotter than others.

His mouth, for instance, was like a furnace as Sasuke used his tongue to become familiar with the contours of Kakashi's neck. Kakashi couldn't shake off the impression that Sasuke was as near a perfect fit as he could ask for. It didn't feel awkward when Sasuke touched the flesh that was usually insulated from the world by the mask Kakashi wore. It felt… He scrambled away from that thought and concentrated on what Sasuke was doing.

Sasuke's fingers drew indecipherable patterns on Kakashi's jaw, his chin, his cheek. Even when they moved on to follow the path his mouth had made, slipping down his throat, Kakashi could still feel the ghostly impressions of where those fingers had been. Feeling throbbed in his skin like an invisible seal lying just beneath the surface. Kakashi exhaled, not realizing until now that he'd been holding his breath.

Sasuke mapped his chest, his abdomen, the left arm, his legs, all with that hot mouth and those incomparably smooth hands. And when his hair brushed the insides of Kakashi's thighs, Kakashi sucked in a breath and spoke.

"Sasuke," Kakashi said.

He paused, for a moment not recognizing his own voice. Sasuke looked up at him.

"Sasuke…you don't have to," said Kakashi. "I wouldn't ever presume, not if you don't want to."

"Like I said," said Sasuke. "Shut up."

And as soon as Kakashi recognized the trembling in Sasuke's voice for what it was—a mix of pleasure and nervousness—it was far too late for rational, coherent thought because Sasuke's mouth was on him, and his hands kept Kakashi's hips flush to the floor. It was all Kakashi could do not to hyperventilate. It felt so very good as Sasuke moved over him. It had been quite some time since he'd indulged in this with another person, no matter what Sasuke might have previously believed. Of course, a little voice in the back of his head, one that became less and less important as Sasuke's efforts brought him closer and closer to the edge, suggested it might not be the act so much as the person he was doing it with.

The thought brought a little frisson of displeasure to him. Kakashi was being rather laid back about this encounter. Lazy even. But then, he reasoned, if Sasuke had wanted him to do something, he probably wouldn't have forbidden Kakashi to move. He inhaled sharply when Sasuke slid his mouth further along than he had before. But he had to ask, for all that Sasuke kept telling him to be quiet.

"Sasuke," said Kakashi.

He waited until Sasuke removed his mouth before talking again. Sasuke glared daggers at him.

"What?" said Sasuke.

His voice was a little hoarse, a little peeved, but a glance downward showed Kakashi that Sasuke was really, honestly enjoying himself.

"Is there anything I can help with?" said Kakashi. "Like maybe your clothes?"

He lifted his eye up to meet Sasuke's. Sasuke's coloring deepened.

"I can get undressed by myself," said Sasuke.

"Oh really?" said Kakashi. "I'd never have guessed. Are you going to take them off?"

Sasuke gave him an exasperated look.

"If it will make you be quiet," said Sasuke. "Fine."

Sasuke stepped back, and Kakashi was surprised at how the momentary lack of contact made him feel, but he was riveted by Sasuke as he stripped out of his clothing. The shirt hit the floor, and then Sasuke turned away from him as he got out of his pants. Kakashi drank in the back of him, washed in sweat, muscles standing out, tense and defined along the barely-there ridge of his spine, corded and hard in the arms as they flexed. The scars along his back highlighted how strong he was to survive this long, for all his instabilities. Kakashi inhaled, and the scent of Sasuke sang through his nose and laid thickly on his tongue.

Then Sasuke turned around, and Kakashi sucked in air for an entirely different reason. Sasuke had scars. Very bad scars. Kakashi wasn't sure which were worse: the ones that looked like he'd been torn into by some kind of animal, or the ones that were perfectly straight and even, the ones that looked surgical. The scars Kakashi had seen before, even the worst of those that were on Sasuke's back, were nothing compared to these.

"They're not as bad as they look," said Sasuke.

But there was something cold and fragile in Sasuke's face, spreading outward and freezing the emotion right out of it, like he was some sort of statue. The look was a touch scared. At the same time, it just dared Kakashi to say a single word. The scars were probably even worse than they looked, Kakashi decided. He wondered now if this might have been a reason why Sasuke hadn't fully disrobed before. Kakashi struggled to be calm, to not let him think he was doing anything out of pity for him. He didn't pity Sasuke. Besides which, Kakashi knew that pity would be the last thing Sasuke would accept—or want—from him.

"It's okay," said Kakashi. "I won't touch them, if that's what you want."

He made as if to rise from the floor, to end this interlude, but Sasuke shook his head.

"Don't move," said Sasuke.

He paused and the color rose higher, hotter, and faster in his face than before. Kakashi wanted to smile; Sasuke was nothing if not stubborn.

"This is what I want," said Sasuke.

He turned his face to the side as if the admission had cost him too much to look at Kakashi's face again. He settled back across Kakashi. His hands shook, though, when he laid them over Kakashi's navel. Sasuke rested his too-hot cheek on Kakashi's thigh, nose pointing out over Kakashi's hip. His breath was shallow and warm.

There was a rigidity in the way Sasuke held himself, and Kakashi felt certain that Sasuke was pushing himself too hard to do this. Sasuke was trying to do everything by himself, and he didn't need to, not for Kakashi's sake. He inhaled and felt Sasuke's hands pressed against him. They were still trembling. Kakashi half-wished that Sasuke could relinquish some control, could understand that it was all right if things didn't go exactly to plan. It could sometimes be less embarrassing to quit and try again later. But, at the same time, Sasuke was prideful to a fault, and there might not be a next time if this time didn't go well enough.

Gently, slowly, Kakashi brought his left hand and laid it over both of Sasuke's. Sasuke startled and tried to draw them back, but Kakashi held them firmly until he stopped twitching around. Kakashi didn't think of himself as necessarily being a large man, with large hands, but there was no denying that, compared to Sasuke, his hands were large and rough. Today, this felt like a good difference, an interesting difference between them. The skin of Sasuke's hands was so smooth, so soft under his own. He felt Sasuke's heart speed up through where his cheek touched Kakashi's leg. His breath feathered out onto Kakashi's skin. Kakashi kept stroking Sasuke's hands.

Sasuke drew one slow breath after another, just laying there, and Kakashi reveled in the feeling.

Sasuke began to shift against him, a lazy undulation that pushed them closer and closer together. Kakashi could feel the ridges of his scars, but it was now only an interesting counterpoint to the sleek, warm heat of the rest of Sasuke. Now that Kakashi thought about it, how pleasing it was, how it made jagged stripes of pleasure flicker through him as Sasuke moved over him, he couldn't get it out of his head. He wallowed in the feelings.

Without saying anything, Sasuke withdrew his hands, though he rubbed himself against Kakashi once more. He made eye contact, a long, lingering look that had goosebumps rising on Kakashi's skin in anticipation. Sasuke lowered his head.

Kakashi pushed back against the floor. He panted, mouth open, and locked his hands beneath his head, twisting them together in his now hopelessly mangled shirt. As he struggled not to move the lower half of his body too much, he banged one elbow against the floor. Kakashi throbbed all over now. Sasuke held him steady, though by no means immobile. Sasuke's tongue slid over him, deliciously thorough. His fingers were firm without clawing into Kakashi. Truth be told, he wouldn't have minded in the least if Sasuke had scratched him up a little, but he appreciated, in the small part of his mind not taken up with Sasuke's mouth, that Sasuke was being so considerate.

Kakashi wasn't sure how long it went on. It was tortuous as it built up, as Sasuke increased the pace bit by bit, but Kakashi didn't want it to end, either. A hot dizziness swamped him and he fought not to reach out and touch Sasuke, not to do anything that would interrupt. Sasuke's hair continued to brush against his legs, and that tickling was almost more than he could bear. He craned his neck to one side and wiped the sweat off his forehead onto one arm. Sasuke's teeth grazed him, and the breath stuttered into his lungs and out again in a great rush.

Without warning, all thoughts were swept out of Kakashi's head. He was there, close enough to taste the end. His heart hammered in his chest and he broke out into fresh sweat that trickled down his body. He inhaled through his mouth, a great gasping of air, and came in an electric rush, where all he could do was feel as his ears filled with white noise and his legs convulsed and his eye closed tightly. Starbursts pulsed behind his eyelids. He knocked his head against the floor again and wondered, as if from a great distance, if he had been the one to make those strangled sounds.

Kakashi cracked open his eye a split second later to see Sasuke wiping the corners of his mouth with one thumb. Kakashi wanted to apologize, both for the mess and for leaving Sasuke behind in the proceedings.

"Sasuke," he said. "I…"

And then he stopped. Because it was obvious that, through some miracle of biology or good fortune or coordination, Sasuke had, in fact, come as well.

"What?" said Sasuke.

"Nothing," said Kakashi. "I…well…"

He gestured vaguely at Sasuke, who remained puzzled for a moment before the lights came on in his head.

"Don't be an idiot," said Sasuke. "It was very good, but it still needed that human touch to finish it off right."

Kakashi's eyebrows shot up. He knew Sasuke had a sense of humor, but that it popped up now had surprised him. He hadn't thought Sasuke would be the sort to joke about sex. He wondered if this was how Sasuke should have been, had things not gone so awfully wrong.

Kakashi kept his mouth shut when Sasuke started to move toward him, but instead, after a long moment's hesitation, Sasuke moved away. Already Sasuke's edginess was returning, and he worried that he had helped it, that he had somehow, unwittingly, communicated some of his thoughts to Sasuke. Sasuke looked less happy than he had ten seconds ago.

"Whatever," said Sasuke. "I just…whatever."

When Sasuke turned around again to get dressed, Kakashi guessed what his next move would be. Still, it hit him hard when Sasuke left the room without so much as a backward glance. A knot formed inside Kakashi's chest. He didn't really recall what Sasuke had done the last time, but it was ridiculous to think that Sasuke would hang around. Kakashi himself scorned the post-coital cuddle-and-talk routine.

He sat up on the floor and used his shirt to clean up. And then he caught sight of his arm and the worrying began anew. He couldn't just sit here, mostly naked, and wait for Sasuke to discover the bruises, wait for him to come back. He spared a moment's thought for Sasuke's whereabouts; Sasuke was in his own room, chakra pulsing quietly. Meditating, probably, or hovering on the edge of sleep. Kakashi stifled a yawn and removed himself to his bedroom, keeping his arm covered just in case. A nap wouldn't hurt. There was plenty of time for it. He settled on the bed and was out almost before he realized.

  


Some time later, Kakashi woke with a start. He might have gotten a lead on what Neji hadn't been telling him. But he had to be absolutely sure. He got out of bed. He made his way out of his room and down the hall to Sasuke's room as quietly as his accumulated skills could allow him to move. Kakashi was as close to silent as anyone could be; not only were his physical steps muffled, but he drew in his chakra as tightly as he could, making himself a non-presence.

Kakashi opened the door to Sasuke's room, sliding it open inch by perilous inch. Sasuke would not like what he was doing, even though he had the best of intentions, and those intentions did not include getting caught. He stole into the room as soon as the gap between the door and the frame was wide enough for him to squeeze through.

Hardly daring to breathe, Kakashi let his eyes adjust to the murky light inside the room. If Sasuke were to discover him invading the only private space he had, there would be no telling what Sasuke would—or could—do to retaliate.

A slight snore issued from the corner where the bed lay. Sasuke was sleeping, chest rising and falling with perfect regularity. Kakashi crept closer and closer, until he could make out each of Sasuke's eyelashes laying against his cheek, could see the pores in his skin and the individual fine hairs that layered together to form his eyebrows. Kakashi held his position and his breath. He watched. He waited. He didn't move a muscle, not even when his legs began to stiffen. He blinked as little as possible. Kakashi waited for something to happen, to see what he needed to see to affirm his suspicions.

The light in the room grew progressively more dim. Kakashi guessed that the sun was going down; this far into winter, the sun set quite early in the evenings, though. And still he waited. Kakashi's night vision sharpened with every passing minute. He still didn't dare to move. He was vulnerable, exposed, and he felt it keenly. If Sasuke woke up, Kakashi was going to be hurt, or even killed, for being where Sasuke would not have anticipated him being. Sasuke himself was in a fairly helpless position and would do anything necessary to defend himself. Hurting Kakashi would be somewhat accidental, true, but that wouldn't make him whole again, would it? For a second, he played out a grim little fantasy that Sasuke might actually regret it, might feel, perhaps, a little sad about it.

And then it happened and Kakashi focused like he never had before.

Sasuke dropped into rem-sleep. The faint flickering of his eyelids attested to that as his eyes traveled back and forth, staring into the realms of sleep. For the space of a few heartbeats, everything looked normal. Kakashi strained in the darkness to widen his perception. There! The slightest quiver in Sasuke's chakra, a vibration that should not have been. Kakashi was amazed that he'd found it, that his hunch had been correct.

The implications of it hit home. Kakashi's stomach dropped like a stone. There was something wrong with Sasuke's chakra. It wasn't Sasuke's control that was wrong, but rather what he was trying to control. It was such a tiny difference, and who knew how long it had been there, but it was there. There was a chance that Sasuke hadn't even noticed, and there was no telling if the difference could even be detected when Sasuke was conscious; chakra, no matter how well controlled, was significantly more active when a person was awake. But presumably, Neji had seen it too, and that was no small something.

Kakashi studied the strangeness as best as he could without using chakra—an almost impossible task. He didn't dare move. He didn't want to chance waking Sasuke while using his Sharingan, either. In the end, Kakashi could only conclude that the subtle little whatever-it-was was definitely there. And, perhaps, that was the most disturbing thing of all.

Just as silently as he had come, Kakashi left.


	28. Chapter 28

Kakashi couldn't sleep that night. He rolled over and over, sheets tangling, blanket long since crumpled on the floor. He caught himself listening for signs of Sasuke: awake, dreaming, or anything in between. He kept feeling for that irregularity in his chakra, but from this distance, he couldn't feel anything but the normal flow through Sasuke's coils. He was not satisfied with this, wasn't lulled into sleepiness because everything seemed to be okay. Not when he knew that things were really and truly wrong.

Kakashi wasn't sure how to approach Sasuke in all this, and there was a certain irony in deliberately leaving out the person these developments affected most. But he couldn't help it, couldn't risk it. What if Sasuke didn't know? What if he did know? What if, what if, what if… All the questions droned around inside Kakashi's head like a swarm of hornets, just itching for an excuse to land and sting. He shivered and stared out the window into the darkness.

Idly, he mused how best to find out what the ANBU guard had seen in all this, whether any of the situation had made its way--inadvertently or not--into a report somewhere. It probably had, and there was little he could do to change that.

He wondered whether it would be easier to break into the records, or to bluff it out with the ANBU themselves. Kakashi sighed and sat up in bed, feeling that familiar flicker of chakra at the range of his senses. It was something to consider, anyway. If he knew what they knew, he might be able to influence what was reported in future, so that the official truth was less harmful to Sasuke. At this moment, Kakashi thought that it was almost a pity he hadn't kept closer ties with ANBU, that his friends and acquaintances were limited these days to the people who trusted that Sasuke wasn't out to murder everyone in their beds.

Thinking a little more, it struck Kakashi what his next move ought to be. He needed to go talk to Genma. The current crop of ANBU agents were more his circle of friends than Kakashi's, and Genma was a good friend who wouldn't bat an eyelash at his sudden appearance, despite their not keeping company regularly over the past few weeks.

Genma would be an excellent cover story; they had, as recently as a month or two ago, spent time together, passing the hours in Genma's bed. No one outside the situation would assume otherwise, either, because Kakashi and Sasuke were the only ones who knew what had changed in the interim.

Kakashi had suspicions that Genma would be accommodating, even if it wasn't going to be their usual sort of meeting. Genma liked sex, true, but he also liked to gossip, though he never put it quite that way. If Kakashi should happen to let slip his interest in the reports about Sasuke--after all, it was his mission to be looking after him--if he were to, perhaps, profess an interest in the ANBU keeping watch over their house…Kakashi scratched his head. It could be done.

  


By the time morning came, Kakashi felt as disheveled as his bed. Still, there wasn't much point in laying around, fruitlessly trying to sleep when it was so obviously not going to come. He shrugged and got up. At least he'd accomplished a little in the meanwhile.

He showered in a daze, coming to himself for the third time in a row to discover he'd nearly scrubbed all the skin off his arms and that he'd used all the hot water in the process. Kakashi hardly knew where to begin with his problems beyond visiting Genma; there were too many questions and too few answers. Kakashi dragged himself out of the shower. His head felt muzzy, and his brain wheeled in endless circles as he dried and dressed.

Sasuke was in his usual place, poking at the fire, when Kakashi came downstairs. He was pleased to see that there was breakfast, too, though he had little appetite for it. Sasuke got up and joined him at the table. It was the easiest part of the routine they'd developed, and, in some ways the most satisfying as well. Kakashi liked the silence that started off the day, the comforting quietness that surrounded the ritual of breakfast tea, even if he didn't feel like eating what was set before him.

This morning, watching Sasuke eating his rice brought visceral memories back home to Kakashi as he slogged his way through his own food. He was now quite aware of the feel of Sasuke's lips. It was tortuous to watch him eating. Kakashi tried to stop looking, to tear himself away from those thoughts which had no place at the breakfast table. He concentrated on the bowl before him.

Kakashi cleared his throat, preparing to tell Sasuke that he would be going into town today. He made the mistake of looking at Sasuke, and his carefully planned sentences turned to dust. A grain of rice was clinging to Sasuke's mouth, just hovering on the edge of those lips. Kakashi felt a flush creep up his neck, and he was grateful he wore his mask. Sasuke swiped a hand across his mouth. The single grain smeared. It looked sticky. Still, it called to Kakashi; he itched to clean it up. It was then that Sasuke seemed to notice that he held Kakashi's undivided attention.

"Quit staring," said Sasuke.

Sasuke's forehead wrinkled, and Kakashi was compelled to change the subject before Sasuke decided to ask any questions. He scrambled for a suitable conversation starter.

"Did you sleep well, Sasuke?" said Kakashi.

Sasuke scowled in reply.

"I'll take that as a no, then," said Kakashi. "Maybe you can get a little sleep in while I'm out."

Kakashi knew perfectly well that Sasuke would not sleep in the day, and never ever while alone in the house. And yet, it was all he could think to say.

"Out where?" said Sasuke.

Sasuke's attempt at nonchalance would have been downright funny under other circumstances. But still, Kakashi needed to play this right.

"I'm going to town, maybe catch up with a few friends, get something interesting to bring back for dinner," said Kakashi. "Need anything?"

Most of the time, Sasuke would rather die than admit he wanted something. This behavior made Kakashi want to shake him until his teeth rattled in his pretty little head. Kakashi expected no exception today.

"Fine then," said Sasuke. "Have a good time. Say hi to Genma for me."

Sasuke's voice was tight and bitter. It surprised Kakashi.

"Genma?" said Kakashi. "Now why would you assume I'm going to see him?"

Was Sasuke in the business of reading minds these days? It wouldn't do for him to find out he was right.

Sasuke rolled his eyes fiercely and shoved back in his chair. He stayed seated, though, and kept one hand on the edge of the table as he spoke.

"I'm not an idiot," said Sasuke. "Don't treat me like one. Everyone knows that…"

He broke off, frowning. His knuckles tightened on the table.

Kakashi made a show of scratching his chin. It seemed his cover story was going to work a little too well, if Sasuke was getting this upset up over it. He could tell Sasuke was jealous, though there wasn't much he could do about it. Kakashi felt like sighing, giving up, and going back to bed. He firmed his resolve. It was Sasuke he was trying to work around, and although he didn't want him to be unhappy like this, the whole charade was supposed to help Sasuke in the long run. Kakashi slumped at the table. He pushed his breakfast aside in favor of thinking.

He didn't want to feel guilty about this. He wasn't responsible, not entirely, anyway, for Sasuke's current fit of pique. Kakashi snuck a glance at Sasuke, distantly noted the tensions that riddled his body language. Even now, Kakashi could see that Sasuke struggled to keep himself in check. There was a hint of red madness in his eyes. It was unfortunate Kakashi couldn't let him know, in some small way, that Genma was just a pretext. Kakashi realized then that he had not actually denied planning to visit Genma, which might help explain Sasuke's bad mood.

Somewhere along the way, though Kakashi couldn't pinpoint the exact moment of change and might have, in fact, only put it into words during this very moment, he had decided that he wasn't going to lie. Keeping Sasuke's faith, his trust, was more important. What Kakashi was doing now was dangerously close to lying. Guilt gnawed at him and he couldn't dismiss it entirely. Sasuke had misconceptions but had asked no questions, and thus Kakashi kept to his own special brand of silence, which protected the truths and preserved the fragile workings he made that were designed to protect Sasuke.

If Sasuke had asked…well. That would be a different story. Kakashi honored two of his maxims this day: to look beneath the underneath--to keep the truth hidden, secure, and it wasn't his fault if Sasuke was too wound up in the fictional surface to notice--and, at the same time, to look after and never abandon his teammates. Sasuke wasn't strictly a comrade-in-arms, true, but he was the closest thing Kakashi had. Some days, Sasuke was the only thing he had.

Kakashi felt a grim sense of satisfaction, having reached, at last, a conclusion, a stopping point for his churning thoughts. He looked up again at Sasuke, ready to talk and smooth over the feathers he'd inadvertently ruffled. However, Sasuke had reached some conclusions of his own.

The look in Sasuke's eyes as he stalked away, hands clenched at his sides--boiling over with hurt and anger and frustration--tore all of Kakashi's careful reasoning to shreds.


	29. Chapter 29

By the eighth drink, Kakashi knew he was in trouble. What had started out as a cozy little lunch out had turned into an extended afternoon of drinking at Genma's apartment. He'd needed this outing to look just like any other time he'd gone out with Genma, which meant the drinking was part of the package. Only he'd kept the act up once they had gotten to the apartment. Egged on by his all-too-cheerful friend, Kakashi was now drunk.

"I think I'm in trouble," said Kakashi.

He was in trouble now, and was certainly going to be in trouble later. He was also sitting on the floor, leaning against the couch. Bad situation. Definitely.

"You don't say," said Genma.

Had Kakashi said that out loud? Maybe. It was hard to tell.

"Oh yes," Kakashi said, taking care to enunciate. "Trouble."

Genma crouched down and poured him another. Kakashi eyed it with suspicion for the better part of a minute before he knocked it back. It tasted like rubbing alcohol. He squinted into the bottom of the glass, but all he could see was a couple drops of slightly milky liquid.

"What is this stuff?" said Kakashi. "Paint thinner?"

"Oh, it's just a little something Raidou and I cooked up," said Genma. "It's awful, but it gets the job done, and quickly."

Genma saluted him with his own glass. Kakashi was fascinated, watching him swallow around his senbon.

"So," said Genma. "Why are you here?"

Kakashi studied the glass as it wavered just a little in his vision. It wasn't going to be quite as easy as he had imagined to implement his plan. He was impaired. Really, really impaired. Kakashi did a mental scrutiny of himself. Okay, maybe he wasn't that bad off. But he wasn't doing well, either. Somehow, the fact that he and Genma frequently drank during their get-togethers hadn't really factored into his planning. He shook himself. He'd taken too long to answer and now Genma was going to know something was up.

Sighing, Genma sat down next to Kakashi. He kept the bottle close at hand. Kakashi inhaled carefully, but his sense of smell was blunted by the powerful fumes of the drink.

"Well, I take it you're not here for the usual reasons," said Genma.

Kakashi's first urge was to placate, something he'd gotten too used to in dealing with Sasuke all the time. It disturbed him that even now, Sasuke was influencing his thoughts, had a hold on him like this.

"No, no," said Kakashi. "That isn't not why I came…"

He scratched his head, thinking, scrambling for the right thing to say. Genma laughed.

"I ought to cut you off," said Genma. "But I'm such a good friend and all…"

Genma leaned on him and, one-handed, reached over Kakashi's lap to pour him another drink. He was sloppy, though, and a few drops ran over onto Kakashi's fingers. Genma set the bottle down and wiped the errant liquid off with his own hand. He licked it away.

"Waste not, want not," said Genma.

Kakashi was bemused. Perhaps his veneer of normal behavior wasn't as good as he'd imagined it to be; ordinarily, there would have been no middleman of hand or fingers. Genma's tongue, Kakashi knew from experience, was a thing of beauty on a person's body. But Genma might have been miles away, for the invisible distance that was growing between them. Genma was not behaving as he should. This could be a problem.

"Spill it," said Genma.

He flicked his senbon safely away, into the wall above the couch. His eyes lost their laughter and his face took on an unusually serious expression.

"Spill what?" said Kakashi.

"Oh, come on," said Genma. "You're not that drunk. We're friends. I can tell when there's something you want to talk about. If you'd come here to fuck—which would have been fine with me, might I say—we'd be rolling around on the floor already. So what's going on?"

Though it was the perfect opportunity to introduce the plan, Kakashi found himself at a loss for words. He had imagined himself to be much cooler, more suave when it came to this point in the plan. The night spun around him. He tossed back his drink.

"Let's talk about ANBU," said Kakashi.

  


Kakashi had a dream. He realized he was dreaming, deep in the embrace of a drunken sleep. He was inside of Sasuke's Mangekyou world, but Sasuke wasn't there and that was wrong because Sasuke was supposed to be there. The land wasn't formless as it so often was, but rather it appeared as a great, cold, shifting desert. Bones piled up, towering monoliths of bones, and Kakashi shivered as the wind soughed through them. It almost sounded like speech, but in some language the world had yet to witness.

A hand dropped onto his shoulder and he nearly jumped out of his skin. Maybe he did; as he spun around, afterimages sheared off, like the impressions of movement a Sharingan showed. Kakashi watched with no small fascination as the multiple hims walked off in separate directions for a few steps before they faded away.

"You should be more careful. Places like these…well, you might leave behind more of yourself than you might like."

Kakashi stared. Yondaime. It was Yondaime before him, hand clasped on his shoulder. Even in this monochrome world, his hair shone gold. His expression was grave.

A terrible emptiness yawned inside Kakashi.

"Sensei," he said. "Sensei."

Even as his adult mind rebelled--he knew Yondaime was very, very dead--his dream-body reverted back into a younger self, the person he'd once been. Kakashi wanted, more than anything else at that moment, to go back in time.

The look on Sensei's face softened.

"I'm sorry, Kakashi," he said. "I don't have any more time."

And he melted into the earth, shape sloughing off like the shed skin of a snake, until all that was left behind was a transparent thing that looked nothing like who it could have been. The pain of the phantom loss was as great as the real thing, and Kakashi felt his knees buckle. He gave in to the impulse to sit on the rough ground. For a time, he listened to the wind crying through the bones.

But then, on that same patch of blasted scrub and sand, the last remnants of Yondaime long since scattered in the air, there came a heaving of earth. To Kakashi's surprise, Sasuke clawed his way up from underground, and Kakashi strained his body to help lever him out.

When Sasuke was free, he spoke.

"You're not supposed to be here," he said. "Get out."

Kakashi saw that this Sasuke had the body of the young and the eyes of the old. Sasuke frowned at him and the nostalgia Kakashi felt for him was nearly as crushing as the grief. He felt himself ageing, metamorphosing into something more like the truth.

"I said get out," Sasuke said. "Before it's too late."

He cocked his head into the wind, eyes sliding shut. His hair fanned out around him.

Almost conversationally, Sasuke added:

"You'd better run."

Kakashi could feel something strange in the air. Everything went still; even the bones were silent around him. A vibration, like massive footsteps shaking the world, began to build. Thump. Thump.

Without volition, Kakashi's breath sped up, an invisible layer of fear coming down on him. He sent his senses out, to try to find what it was, but the landscape baffled him. Kakashi turned to ask Sasuke, but Sasuke was already gone, a barely visible figure in the distance. The vibration, the noise, grew louder. Thump thump. Thump. Thump thump. Thump.

Kakashi started moving. He ran, practically flying over the sand and rocks and bones. Scrub thorns caught at him, but he tore away. His feet barely touched the ground. He ran and his lungs were on fire; he couldn't breathe and still he kept running. He risked a glance backward, but couldn't see anything.

Thump thump thump. Thump thump thump. Thump thump thump.

His limbs felt heavy. Kakashi looked down at them. They weren't his legs any more, weren't his hands. They were blocks of stone shaped to look and feel like flesh. They were someone else's. He struggled forward, head twisted to look back over his shoulder. A small light burned into his eye.

Thump thump thump thump thump thump thump thump.

The small light got bigger, brighter, and its shape resolved. It was an eye, watching him, looking for him. And the eye split, multiplied into many in a vast stone face.

"Run," a small voice whispered to him. "Run."

Thump.

Kakashi ran.

Thump.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At some point I'm going to have to go back through and fix the break tags...they're still not working correctly and it's driving me a little crazy.


	30. Chapter 30

Kakashi woke up in total darkness, and he strained to feel what was around him. His heart raced in overdrive, tattooing a frantic beat on the inside of his ribs, matching the footsteps from his dream. It took him a minute or two of absolute stillness to realize that he was awake now, that nothing was chasing him. Even then, he couldn't dismiss how real it had felt. The glowing eyes had etched themselves into his memory.

As awareness filtered through the remainders of the dream, Kakashi sat up cautiously. His head felt like it had been used for kunai practice. It pounded in time with his heart. Genma's floor was, in all honesty, a lot softer underneath him than he had expected. Maybe the alcohol was cushioning the full effect of it. He sent his chakra out around him. Genma was…not in this room, not nearby. Genma wasn't anywhere Kakashi could feel.

Groping for a source of light, he was hit with sudden understanding. He was in a bed and not on a floor at all. Genma's bed. Instinct took over and he switched on the lamp that he knew was on the bedside table. Light seared into his vision and he blinked rapidly to disperse the spots floating before him. Genma's lights were always too bright. And then Kakashi backtracked. He was in Genma's bed. Oh. Oh no. He looked over at the clock: two in the morning.

Shit.

He took stock as quickly as he could, marshaling his thoughts as they swam through haziness. He was in Genma's bed. He was hung over. He was something like ten hours overdue to be at home. Sasuke. Sasuke was going to kill him. Kakashi tore back the blankets and stared. Well. He couldn't run right home like this.

Kakashi revised his thoughts. Genma's bed. Probably still drunk. Very late. Naked. He felt his face. His mask was still on. If they'd done anything, at least he still had his mask. Had he and Genma…? Kakashi couldn't say either way with certainty, and that was a whole other world of troubling.

He racked his brain as he searched for his clothes. He remembered that he and Genma had had some stilted, drunken conversation about ANBU--and he had gotten nowhere with his plan on that end of things--but after that, his memory failed. He steered his thoughts carefully away from the dream. He didn't care to remember that. A phantom pain lingered on in his chest.

Kakashi at last found his clothes lodged behind the armoire that stood opposite the bed. How it got there, he could only imagine. He shook it out, wrinkling his nose at how the scents of his afternoon still permeated it. Having the feeling that Sasuke would take it even worse if he came back in someone else's clothes, clean or not, Kakashi bypassed his initial thought of borrowing some of Genma's. He dressed.

Discretion being the better part of valor, Kakashi opened the bedroom window and climbed out onto the roof. He wasn't going to search for Genma, and he knew that his friend wouldn't take it amiss if he disappeared without saying goodbye. A seal flashed as soon as he set foot on the tiles. Kakashi dropped himself back, hanging on with one hand and balanced precariously with his toes on the windowsill, putting the bulk of the building between him and it. It was not one of his best tactical maneuvers, but it beat taking a trap full on in the face. When nothing exploded, and nothing tried to attack him, he poked his head back up. A square of paper lay on the roof. His breath escaped in a ragged laugh.

"Genma, Genma," he said.

Kakashi clambered back onto the roof and picked up the paper. It was a note for him. He glanced around to see if anyone had noticed his overreaction, but there wasn't anyone around to see. Good. He was relieved that he wouldn't have to use his Sharingan to alter any memories tonight; if anything else, he was sure his control wasn't one hundred percent at the moment. Kakashi tried to rationalize his own potential actions, even as he dismissed the thought. He wouldn't have actually taken anyone's memories away, of course, but it was always a temptation to fuzz them over, especially when Kakashi knew no one would remember what he'd done. Still, it was a bad idea to begin with, and it would definitely have made his headache worse.

He strained in the darkness to read the note. One of his eyebrows went up.

"Bold," said Kakashi. "Making inquiries, huh."

He had not anticipated that Genma might actually go and ask around right off. He knew Genma would be careful, but still. He sighed. ANBU were not to be treated lightly. Anxiety rolled around inside him, thinking about what Ibiki could and would do once he caught on that Genma wasn't asking around out of simple curiosity. Kakashi did not relish trying to run any sort of confidence on Konoha's top interrogation and psychological expert; Ibiki would probably see right through him, through everything. Kakashi found himself running for home as if there were someone already on his trail.

  


As he skimmed over the roofs of Konoha, it dawned on Kakashi that there was, indeed, someone following him at a discreet distance. The hairs on the back of his neck prickled. A single chakra signature, vaguely familiar, kept in step with him, two blocks behind. Kakashi slowed down. The other did too.

Instead of going directly home, he swung around to the Academy and waited for his pursuer to catch up. He didn't have much time for traps, and he was reluctant to use jutsu that might attract any more attention, especially when the chakra coming toward him was not overtly hostile. Focused, yes, but there were no signs of danger. Kakashi settled himself into a tree and kept a kunai close at hand. A night breeze pushed the scent of the incoming person to him, and he knew who it was. Even through the cloth of his mask, there was no mistaking it. Crushed grass, water, and a touch of cigarette smoke. Shikamaru.

Kakashi got down from his perch and tucked the kunai away. It would be impolite to greet the friend of a friend with a live blade, even if that selfsame friend was currently in his bad graces for a certain lack of forthcoming-ness.

Shikamaru dropped into the schoolyard beside him.

"I have a message," said Shikamaru.

"Oh?" said Kakashi.

He crossed his arms and feigned coolness. His headache was building up behind his right eye, like an ice pick going all the way through. He hoped he covered for it well enough, that he didn't look as haggard as he felt.

"Neji's gone on a mission," said Shikamaru. "He'll be back in three weeks."

"Shikamaru," said Kakashi. "I hope you're better at keeping your mouth shut than you are at trailing a person."

Shikamaru rolled his eyes as if he were still a precocious twelve-year old and not the experienced jounin he was.

"Troublesome," he said. "Fine. Have it your way."

He stretched and yawned, but he didn't ask any questions. Kakashi could see the gears working in his head.

"I think I'll go back home now," Shikamaru said, as if he were reading from a script. "This stroll around the village has helped relieve my little bout of insomnia. Good luck with yours, sempai."

And with a bare wave of the hand, Shikamaru was off again. Kakashi stood for a minute, lost in thought as Shikamaru's chakra passed beyond what he could sense. Neji had wanted him to know he was going to be gone. Ergo, Neji knew Kakashi would want to talk to him about Sasuke. But how would he have known that Kakashi had pieced the reason for the conversation together?

Kakashi thought about it as he continued on his way home. There were two outstanding possibilities. One: Neji didn't know he knew and was going to tell him anyway. Two: Neji knew that Kakashi knew because he'd put some sort of a watchdog jutsu on Sasuke or the house. Kakashi wasn't so altruistic as to think that Neji would simply confess something like this, so he ran along with option number two for a bit. Only half-aware of the outside world, he worked his way through the village. Neji was monitoring Sasuke. Well, Kakashi already knew he had been checking in with Sasuke from time to time. So what made this different?

He sat down on a tree stump just a few hundred yards outside the village proper. It was cold, but he grew numb soon enough under the clear, starry skies. Kakashi thought. Neji was off on a mission. Had Neji warned him so that he could keep a closer eye on Sasuke while Neji was absent? Kakashi knew that the Byakugan--indeed, the chakra of anyone--had limitations of use at a distance. So clearly, anything that would be taking Neji three weeks to do would be too far for him to monitor Sasuke's progress.

Standing again, Kakashi tried to shake the stiffness out of his body. He needed to get home, now, before Sasuke got it into his head to come looking for him. Though maybe he wouldn't. Kakashi scratched his head. Sasuke had been quite upset earlier. Experience told him that Sasuke would be less and less stable as time passed. That could be a problem. Yes, it could get ugly, with only one ANBU watching him. The ANBU wouldn't stand a chance if it came to a fight over whether Sasuke would be allowed to search for Kakashi or not. Grim humor rose for a second. As if Sasuke would ask permission.

Kakashi bounded through the snowy trees, flying over the frozen landscape as ably as he could. The alcohol in his system was rapidly burning away, leaving him thinking with awful clarity. One ANBU wouldn't be able to stop Sasuke. Kakashi envisioned carnage waiting for him; severed limbs, torn up swathes of forest, a smoking crater where the house used to be. Dead ANBU. Missing Sasuke, with unforgiving search parties going after him. Dead Sasuke, put down like a rabid dog. Kakashi sped up, the remembered scent of bodies burning clinging to his nostrils.

He wasn't sure which would be worse: for Sasuke to be ashes already, or having to watch as his corpse was methodically destroyed by an ANBU squad. Because Kakashi would watch. Sasuke was his responsibility. His heart squeezed tight inside his chest, and the cold air roared through his lungs. The forest blurred around him.

When he arrived in the yard, Kakashi was simultaneously surprised and relieved that everything appeared normal. He sent his chakra out, seeking Sasuke. He was in the living room, his chakra light and even in the patterns of sleep. Kakashi opened and closed the front door as quietly as he could. He took off his shoes and coat. He stepped up into the living room and found Sasuke curled on the floor next to the stove, and it occurred to Kakashi, belatedly, that he had forgotten entirely about bringing something home to eat. Not that Sasuke was going to care, this late in the night.

He decided not to disturb Sasuke. It was selfish--and potentially dangerous--to wake him up, just to satisfy his own wants, just to make sure Sasuke was okay. But then Sasuke shifted in his sleep, and the blanket slid off him. Kakashi would get close enough to pull the blanket up again, that was all. He'd do that and then go upstairs to bed.

He tiptoed over, got the blanket in one hand, and looked at Sasuke. His breath smelled faintly of ginger and scallions; spicy and warm, not so sharp as it might have been hours before. His eyelashes rested gently on his cheeks. Kakashi let his eyes travel further down than propriety might have allowed, but he couldn't seem to help himself. Maybe he didn't want to, and wasn't that a disturbing thought.

Then he stopped, stunned. He furled his chakra in tight so that he wouldn't disturb Sasuke. Kakashi pulled the blanket over him as softly as he could. Then, he marched himself upstairs. His stomach churned furiously. He opened his door, walked through the doorway, and shut the door behind him, careful not to slam it. He locked the door.

Slowly, deliberately, Kakashi activated the chakra-blocking wards in his room, and he let himself go. His chakra raged as he thought of the new lines of bruises, purple-black and swollen, that marched up and down Sasuke's snowy white skin. The bruises looked painful. They were Neji's handiwork. Kakashi arm ached in sympathy, and Sasuke's were far worse than what he himself had received. Every time his chakra flared too high, the wards absorbed the power. Kakashi thought absently that it was a good thing he'd put those wards in in the first place. Though they were designed to contain Sasuke's chakra, they worked just fine for him.

He decided, then and there amid the violent lashing of his chakra, that he was going to kill Neji the next time he saw him. Or beat him to within an inch of his life. Neji may have gotten the jump on him last time, but he wouldn't be able to pull the same trick twice. Kakashi laid down on the bed, fury simmering beneath his skin and boiling in his chakra. So this was why Neji had sent that message.

He kicked himself for not guessing the real reason earlier. The message had been a warning, yes, but it had been an unspoken promise as well. Neji would be back in three weeks. That gave Kakashi three weeks to plan the confrontation, three weeks to visualize and strategize. There were so many good jutsu to use in a situation like this. He hardly knew where to start. Even as he thought this, he knew it wasn't going to happen, not like that.

Kakashi heaved a sigh. He had already started to calm down, his immediate ire worn out. He reeled his chakra in. He'd have to keep his anger from Sasuke in the meantime, and he would have to watch over him as well. With a twinge of regret, Kakashi realized that he couldn't outright kill or maim. He needed Neji because Sasuke needed Neji. Also, the sorts of questions people might ask would be inconvenient. He shuddered at the thought of an ANBU inquiry.

Frowning, Kakashi tried to lay things straight in his head. He knew what was going on with Sasuke, more or less. Sasuke himself might, or he might not, but he wasn't talking about it either way. Neji definitely knew. Shikamaru had undoubtedly formed some good guesses during his late night message run, and if Genma spent enough time digging around in ANBU business, he might too. Kakashi crossed his fingers and hoped that Ibiki was still in the dark.

What Kakashi needed was a better plan. If Neji had hit Sasuke's tenketsu again, that was a bad sign. Kakashi tamped his anger down. He reminded himself that Neji was helping, no matter how awful it looked. Neji was buying Sasuke more time, at great risk to himself. Kakashi felt a little better as he rolled over on his bed. Neji was doing the right thing here. Kakashi needed to use these three weeks to try and discover, more accurately, what was wrong with Sasuke's chakra, if they were to have any hope of fixing it before it got out of hand…before Sasuke was found out and summarily executed.

Kakashi shivered. He let down the wards and unlocked his door. He could feel Sasuke downstairs, still asleep by the stove. He wasn't dreaming, though, and the vibration in his chakra was nonexistent at the moment. Kakashi yawned. The stresses of the day were catching up to him, and his adrenaline was running out. He needed sleep. Whatever residual unhappiness Sasuke might be feeling could be dealt with in the morning. And, with any luck, Kakashi would be able to bury his anger at Neji somewhere deep inside where Sasuke wouldn't notice it. Kakashi lay on his bed for a long time as he tried to let his thoughts drain away.

He dropped off to sleep without warning: one second awake, and the next total oblivion.


	31. Chapter 31

The second Kakashi opened his eyes, he was awake and electric with the suppressed urge to do something. His hangover was gone, the only trace of which was a slight pressure at his temples, too weak to count as a headache. He rolled over and looked at the clock. Nine in the morning. Not bad, really. Searching his memories of the day before, he was pleased to find that they were very nearly intact. He couldn't remember exactly what he'd said to Genma about ANBU, for example, but he knew now what had happened afterward: Genma had walked him to bed, where he had stripped, albeit inelegantly, and Genma had tucked him in. And then he, Kakashi, had reached for him, had caught him around the shoulders and kissed him.

Feeling a vague sense of guilt, Kakashi spared a moment to send his chakra outward, searching for Sasuke. He was outside, which was quite unusual, but he was stationary. Waiting brought no change, which he supposed was a good thing. Perhaps Sasuke was meditating? Kakashi wanted to shower and get properly dressed before anything else this morning; it was probably for the best that whatever confrontation they were going to have would be delayed.

Kakashi pushed back the covers, mind on yesterday again. He'd meant it as a thank-you, that kiss, but somehow it had grown into a bit more than that. You didn't thank people with tongue. He was embarrassed, recalling that it had been Genma who had disentangled them, Genma who had pulled away and said goodnight. It had been Genma who had left the room. It should have been Kakashi making those choices, no matter how drunk he was. Kakashi licked his lips. His mouth tasted awful, but he swore he could detect a trace of Genma on him. He shrugged. Probably just his imagination. And then, with that, foreboding rolled over him as he remembered his dream. Kakashi tried to shrug it off. It was nothing but his overworked subconscious, that dream. He couldn't even properly recall it now. It was nothing.

He rose from bed and sequestered himself in the bathroom, where he used lots of hot water and managed to fog up every flat surface in the room. As he wrapped a towel around himself, Kakashi made a note to bring more wood inside for the boiler. Then he brushed his teeth, scrubbing away until the only thing he could taste, the only thing he could feel, was the tingling of the mint toothpaste. He wiped the condensation off the mirror with one hand and was satisfied with his appearance. He looked just like he did on any other day. There would be no way Sasuke could tell what had happened to him yesterday.

As Kakashi exited the bathroom, the hairs on the back of his neck stood up. He reached for a kunai he didn't have, and he felt his Sharingan spin. He closed that eye, wishing for a split second that he'd brought his hitai-ate with him into the bathroom. And then he noticed the pale skin and dark hair and significantly low chakra.

"Sasuke," said Kakashi. "You startled me."

Knowing who it was didn't make Kakashi wish for a weapon any less. And it did make him wish he'd brought clean clothing with him into the bathroom. He didn't like the way Sasuke was looking at him, like he could see right through him. Then again, the way his Sharingan kept flickering in and out of focus, maybe he could. A wave of feelings and half-remembered fragments of dreams washed over Kakashi, stronger than before. His skin crawled. Though he took pains not to show it, Kakashi felt the need to somehow break Sasuke's intense focus.

"Sasuke," said Kakashi. "Any particular reason you're here?"

Though he really wanted to accuse Sasuke of ambushing him, he didn't want to let Sasuke know how much this encounter bothered him. True, he could blame the whole thing on Sasuke's current chakra levels--incredibly low and hard to sense--but Kakashi knew that Sasuke shouldn't have been able to surprise him like this.

"You missed dinner," said Sasuke.

Sasuke seemed calm. His hands were relaxed, his shoulders not unduly stiff. The only tense thing about him was his eyes as they pin-wheeled in and out of red. Even that motion was less harried than usual.

"I was out longer than I had expected to be," said Kakashi. "You were asleep when I got back."

Kakashi's mind worked hard, turning over the possibilities. The only way he wouldn't notice Sasuke would be if he'd dismissed the threat he presented somewhere along the line, if had decided Sasuke was a safe person. The idea was ludicrous. Sasuke was anything but safe. Hadn't he shown, time and time again, that he was dangerously unpredictable? Looking at Sasuke now, Kakashi got the impression that he was waiting for something, and so he made efforts to keep the conversation going while he tried to figure it out.

"I didn't want to wake you," Kakashi said.

Either he was getting soft with age, or Sasuke was mellowing. He was predictable in his unpredictability; even though Kakashi might not know exactly what Sasuke would do in a given situation, he knew, generally speaking, when Sasuke's temper reached the boiling point and could at least prepare himself for that.

"I see," said Sasuke.

What threw Kakashi the most was that Sasuke didn't appear to be angry now. In the past, he'd have been paranoid, edgy, easily brought to the point of violence. He studied Sasuke again.

Some of the lines around Sasuke's eyes had relaxed, though his Sharingan did not dissipate. He looked tired. He had circles underneath his eyes, faintly purple and inflamed. Tender-looking. And though Sasuke was fully clothed, Kakashi could almost make out the bruises through his shirt, the bruises that followed his chakra coils, bruises that roused his anger all over again, though it wasn't so potent this morning as it had been.

"I ran into Shikamaru," said Kakashi. "He brought apologies from Neji, who has been called away on a mission."

"I know," said Sasuke. "He stopped in to see me before he left."

Sasuke paused. Again, he seemed to look straight through Kakashi.

"I asked him to block my chakra again," said Sasuke.

Kakashi didn't know whether to play the fool now or to be more direct. It was the perfect opportunity to try to get some kind of information, some reassurances from Sasuke about his chakra control. He might even be able to guess whether or not Sasuke was aware of the underlying problem. In the end, Kakashi stuck to the party line, the little half-truth they'd all used, though it made him feel ill to say it.

"I'm sure you thought it was necessary," said Kakashi.

Sasuke frowned. He reached one hand out to Kakashi, dotted with bruises all the way up. He acted as if it were heavy, as if he were not strong enough to hold it up without shaking. Kakashi felt the dregs of his chakra swirling around, trying even then to push out of the blocked pathways. Sasuke let it drop.

"It was necessary," he said. "Though I wonder…about your arm."

Kakashi froze. He'd forgotten about that entirely until that moment, had never intended for Sasuke to know about it. He glanced down at the offending limb. The bruises were barely there anymore, but showed up more clearly when his skin was wet, as it was now. No wonder Sasuke had been looking at him like that.

"I'm fine," said Kakashi. "I asked Neji to demonstrate his technique, that's all."

The expression on Sasuke's face said _liar_. Sasuke didn't call him on it, though, and Kakashi felt no need to elaborate; he crushed that impulse as quickly as he could. It would mean nothing but trouble.

"How is Genma?" said Sasuke. "I take it you had a good time?"

And there was the anger he had expected, issuing from Sasuke's clenched teeth and suddenly tense muscles, radiating from every inch of his body. Kakashi was suddenly glad that Sasuke's intense stare was fixed on his arm and not his face. He decided it was time to end this conversation.

"If you'll excuse me," said Kakashi.

"I'll wait," said Sasuke, bitterness alive and well in his tone.

Sasuke leaned against one wall of the hallway, his position reminiscent of another confrontation from another time. This time, though, Kakashi was the one to leave first. He ducked past Sasuke, as politely as he could, and escaped into his bedroom. He felt like a coward.

The whole time he dried and dressed, he could feel Sasuke waiting on the other side of the door. Kakashi didn't know what he wanted. Still. Well, he had a few guesses, but he didn't know anything for certain, and he wasn't certain he wanted to know.

Kakashi ignored Sasuke's presence trailing a few steps behind him as he went down to the kitchen in search of something to eat. He thought it was too much to expect of Sasuke to make breakfast for him today, and he was not going to ask, either.

Kakashi found a plate of leftovers in the refrigerator. Sniffing it, he decided it was still good to eat. He sat down at the table with it. Sasuke drifted in and sat across from him. His eyes followed Kakashi's every move, which made it quite difficult to keep up the pretense of eating. After ten minutes of Kakashi chasing the food around on his plate without actually eating any of it and being watched like a hawk the whole time, Sasuke spoke.

"Are you seeing Genma?" said Sasuke.

If Kakashi had had any food in his mouth, he would have choked on it.

"No," said Kakashi. "Though we are friends."

"Then why?" said Sasuke. "Why?"

Sasuke stopped, frustration building in little wrinkles on his forehead. He was, evidently, working hard to control the anger he felt about the situation.

"Then why have sex, you mean?" said Kakashi. "We didn't."

He tried very hard not to think of the kiss. It didn't seem to work because he could still taste the other man, could still feel those lips. But, instead of arousing, he found the whole sensation disturbing.

"But you have," said Sasuke. "Before."

"Yes," said Kakashi. "But that has nothing to do with anything. It's not relevant."

All he could think was what would happen if Sasuke knew. Sasuke was too close to him, too close by far; Kakashi promised himself that he'd confess everything, later, when it was just him and his ghosts at the memorial, if he could just get through this unscathed.

"Yes, it is relevant," said Sasuke. "Because if that's the way it is…"

Kakashi understood what Sasuke was implying, but his logic was, in this case, faulty.

"That is completely different," said Kakashi.

"How?" said Sasuke. "How is it different?"

He crossed his arms over his chest and waited, eyes locked on Kakashi.

"Well," said Kakashi.

He tried to find an explanation that would both mollify Sasuke and not suggest that things were any more or less than they were. He didn't want Sasuke getting ideas about this thing between them.

It struck Kakashi with all the force of a major head trauma, and he was dizzied by the blow.

The status quo had changed without his noticing, without his acknowledgement and conscious consent. Things had changed between him and Sasuke. It horrified Kakashi that he couldn't take it back somehow, couldn't undo whatever had lead to this. He hadn't noticed it before, he who purported to look underneath the underneath. But maybe it hadn't been hidden. Maybe it had been obvious all along, but Kakashi had been misinterpreting it the entire time. He couldn't pinpoint when everything had shifted, and that was perhaps the worst thing of all. A feeling of dread, a black hole in the ground, yawned open before Kakashi and he skirted the edge.

Kakashi had to re-evaluate everything now, and that fundamental change to the way he perceived things was overwhelming. This realization put a heaviness into the air, into every gesture. Everything he did or said--or didn't do or left unsaid--would have extra meaning now and probably had for some time. It made it hard for him to breathe, feeling the weight of it all. The food in his mouth turned to lead as he tried to swallow it. He couldn't just spit it out: after all, he didn't want Sasuke thinking his cooking was bad.

He couldn't breathe.

"Kakashi?" said Sasuke. "Are you all right?"

He heard this dimly, as if through a long tunnel or from deep underwater. His heart raced and he couldn't breathe and white noise rushed into his head, into his ears. He forced one deep breath into his lungs, fought to speak, to reassure Sasuke that nothing was wrong…even though everything was. Kakashi felt a great invisible hand squeezing him, bearing down on him. His heart beat insistently, overwhelming his hearing. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump.

"'M fine," Kakashi said. "Really--"

From a little place far away from his body, Kakashi realized that he was about to pass out. Fine. That was fine. Everything would be fine if he could just calm---

And then there was nothing.


	32. Chapter 32

Kakashi swam up out of darkness gradually, awareness returning in stages. First came the knowledge that he was conscious. Then, that there was some sort of noise outside of him-- that there was, indeed, something outside of him. At first, he couldn't make out what it was. A bird? The ocean? Music? It came to him in bits and pieces. His name. Someone was saying his name. He struggled to think. Where was he? What was going on? The feeling in his body was slow to come back. He was slow to register that he had a body at all. It was kind of peaceful there in the dark, and he didn't want to leave. He drifted and let the noise wash over him.

Eventually, he made out that he wasn't just a loose chain of thoughts. That he really did exist. And that noise, that voice, was familiar. He didn't understand it yet, but he was starting to feel things again. He was pressed against something, something flat and hard. Perhaps he'd better see what was going on. His eyelids were so heavy and reluctant to open. And when he did, finally, pry one open, he wished he hadn't.

His eye burned, sharp and stinging, and everything was blurry. He closed his eye again. He lay, inert, and waited for the pain to sink back to an acceptable level. Was something in his eye? He wanted to reach and wipe at it, but his limbs were leaden and impossible to move. He felt something cool and wet brush over his face and he tried to jerk away, but he wasn't sure he'd moved at all. It was then that the noise resolved itself into something he could understand.

"Can you hear me?"

"Please, wake up."

"Come on, Kakashi."

"Wake up. I know you can."

"Please."

"Kakashi."

And then came the awareness that something…no, someone, was touching him. Disoriented, befuddled, Kakashi tried to move away. He opened his eye again, though it stung and he couldn't see properly. He spoke, but all that came out was a groan. A different voice then, one he thought he should have known but couldn't place.

"He's awake."

"Can you hear me, Kakashi?"

"If you can, open your eyes."

It didn't make sense to do what the voice said, but he concentrated hard, harder than he'd ever concentrated in his life and cracked his eyes open for the third time. A dark blur moved in front of him. He blinked furiously, willing his eyes to focus.

"Kakashi? Do you understand me?"

Again, the not-quite familiar voice. Kakashi inhaled and tried to focus again. He smelled blood. And, beneath that…grass? He tried again and coughed. Then, two voices.

"Do something!"

"I am, but he's not responding well."

"Then try something else!"

"Calm down, Sasuke. I can't handle the both of you at the same time."

  


Sasuke. The name rang a bell, dropped down into his thoughts. He had to wake up, for real, had to shake off how strange he felt. Sasuke needed him. Kakashi closed his eyes and opened them again. There. He could see a bit better now. It was the kitchen table. Kakashi was at the kitchen table. He was slumped over it, one cheek resting on it. It felt sticky beneath him.

Again, a dark blur moved in front of him.

"He's awake."

Kakashi focused hard, and the blur resolved itself into a face. It was Shikamaru.

"What are you--?" said Kakashi.

"You don't remember what happened?" said Shikamaru, arms crossed and one eyebrow raised in disbelief.

And then things clicked into place in Kakashi's head, and the bottom dropped out of his stomach again. The stress of things, things he was definitely not going to think about, things he had already buried, had overwhelmed him. Completely.

"Oh," said Kakashi.

He drew out the syllable, paused, and then spoke again, testing his ability to put words together.

"How bad is it?" said Kakashi.

Shikamaru snorted.

"You hit your head on the table and you're bleeding a little from that," said Shikamaru.

Ah. So that was why the table beneath him was sticky. Kakashi guessed it had probably gotten into his eye, too.

"From what Sasuke could tell me, it sounds like you had a panic attack," said Shikamaru.

He studied Kakashi's face. Kakashi felt absolutely naked.

"Though I don't know what could have caused it," he said.

Kakashi moved one hand carefully until he could touch his face. His mask was still on, but his hitai-ate was gone. He felt across his forehead. There was a shallow slice across it, probably from the metal plate on his hitai-ate. He let his hand drop back down to his side.

"You won't need stitches," said Shikamaru.

"Why are you here?" said Kakashi.

"Oh, just in the neighborhood," said Shikamaru.

Kakashi stared at him. A lie so obvious ought not to count as a lie at all.

"There is no neighborhood," said Kakashi.

Shikamaru sighed and scowled down at his feet.

"Neji asked me to look in on you," he said. "And now I understand why. Troublesome."

Kakashi noticed then that Shikamaru was holding his hands in a seal.

"Would you mind getting up now?" said Shikamaru. "I'm getting tired of holding Sasuke."

"Holding Sasuke?" said Kakashi.

Kakashi sat up cautiously. The room spun around him, and he grabbed onto the table for support. He turned around in his seat by degrees and found Sasuke behind him, pinned down by Shikamaru's shadow. Sasuke looked furious and worried, though he relaxed a little as Kakashi looked at him. He clutched a bloodstained cloth in one hand. Interestingly enough, Sasuke's chakra had already started to come back, and it twisted in on itself, its turbulence reflecting Sasuke's mood. The Sharingan swirled in his eyes.

"Not my first choice," said Shikamaru. "But I thought it was better to be cautious than for Sasuke to draw the attention of the ANBU."

He released the seal and shoved his hands into his pockets. Sasuke gave a little start, as if checking to see that he could move again before he took three steps toward Kakashi. He gave Shikamaru a murderous glare. And then all his attention was on Kakashi, chakra reaching out to him.

Kakashi found it hard to breathe again. He forced himself to relax, muscle by muscle, until he reached some semblance of his normal self. He was pointedly not thinking about the things he wasn't going to think about. His blood pressure rose incrementally. Then, just as subtly, it eased down again. Now, to reassure Sasuke.

"Sasuke," said Kakashi. "I'm fine."

He could feel intent radiating from Sasuke and knew that Shikamaru's presence was the only thing stopping Sasuke from doing or saying anything else--kept him aloof and wanting at the same time as he wavered on the edge of what he would allow himself to express. Kakashi worried about how worried Sasuke had become, and something inside him jerked sideways when he connected the cloth in Sasuke's hand to the wound on his forehead, connected his voice to the first voice he'd heard, coming to.

And then, Kakashi felt something in the energy that pushed itself on him, and it drove all other thoughts out of his head. The vibration in Sasuke's chakra was much stronger now. Adrenaline shot through him as he realized that not only could he feel it, but that Shikamaru could probably feel it too.

Kakashi's head still wasn't working right and was still a bit fuzzy from his lapse into unconsciousness. He eased his left eye open and tried not to wince as the Sharingan streamed information into his brain. Sasuke's potential was null; he telegraphed no potential movement, though his chakra continued to flow erratically and his Sharingan was active.

Shikamaru shared a look with Kakashi, volumes communicated in the merest twitch of an eyelid. Kakashi nodded his head a fraction of an inch.

"Sasuke, your chakra…" said Shikamaru. "It's…"

He stopped and scratched his head. He lowered his hand to the back of his neck.

"What about it?" said Sasuke.

"Your chakra's coming back faster than a person would expect, considering Neji's most recent visit," said Shikamaru.

Sasuke frowned at him. Shikamaru stared right back, eyes hooded and bored-looking.

"Are you trying to imply something?" said Sasuke. "I don't see how it's any of your business, either."

Sasuke's sharp eyes moved from Shikamaru and landed on Kakashi.

"Kakashi," said Sasuke. "You're not telling me something, are you."

It was a statement of fact, one that Kakashi could not deny.

"There's something wrong with your chakra," said Kakashi. "A vibration."

Sasuke laughed then, the sound bitter and bleak.

"Is that all?" said Sasuke. "You're overreacting."

"It's affecting your ability to control it," said Shikamaru. "Even I can tell, and this is the first time I've seen you, even in passing, for months."

"It's no laughing matter," said Kakashi. "If the Hokage--"

"Don't you talk about him," said Sasuke. "Don't you dare."

The tomoe in his eyes wavered and started to draw together. Kakashi sucked in a breath of air. The Mangekyou was surfacing, and Sasuke's temper was very short, it seemed.

"You'd better leave, Shikamaru," he said.

He allowed his own eye to start the shift. Shikamaru nodded and backed out of the room, careful not to make eye contact. Kakashi was interested to see he didn't even look in Sasuke's direction at all. A wise move, no doubt. At least Shikamaru was smart enough to back down from a confrontation like this. Kakashi wasn't certain of his own ability to face Sasuke at the moment, either, despite his currently limited chakra.

"Sasuke," said Kakashi. "I don't want to fight."

"Because you know you'll lose," said Sasuke. "Coward."

Disdain was etched across his face, was written in the very air around him.

"I may be," said Kakashi. "But that doesn't mean I'm wrong about your chakra."

"My chakra is fine," said Sasuke. "So fight me, unless you're afraid."

Kakashi shut his right eye just as Sasuke snapped into Mangekyou.

He fought hard against the pull of Sasuke's eyes and pitted his will against the strength of Sasuke's anger. Dimly, Kakashi felt Sasuke's chakra trickling away, even as the younger man tried to force him into the illusory world. He broke out in a sweat as pain pierced his eye. Sasuke was more experienced in controlling his inner world, far more able to drag someone in; Kakashi was fighting tooth and nail and could barely keep the wolf from the door. If he got pulled in, it would all be over. Sasuke could rend him limb from limb, over and over, and he wouldn't be able to do a thing about it.

The room around Kakashi started to lose its colors. Shape and form began to drain away and he knew it wouldn't be much longer now. His eye burned. He gritted his teeth and prepared himself. Then, even as he felt Sasuke's power ebbing, it was too late.

Kakashi felt the connection take hold, and he was gone.


	33. Chapter 33

Just as quickly as he had succumbed, Kakashi snapped back into reality. He was still sitting at the kitchen table, now blinded by a massive headache. He closed his eye, quickly, and the pain lessened some, enough to open his right eye. He glanced around the room, wishing faintly that the afternoon sun weren't so bright. There was Sasuke, laid out on the kitchen floor, limbs akimbo as if he'd simply dropped where he'd stood. Kakashi observed the steady up and down of his chest as he breathed. When he reached out with his chakra, he found that Sasuke had drained himself completely, that not even a single dram of extra energy remained. No wonder he was on the floor. Judging from his own headache, Kakashi was willing to bet that Sasuke was going to wake up with more pain in his head than he'd ever experienced in his life. The backlash from this broken jutstu was intense.

Kakashi closed his eyes and rubbed first one temple, then the other before trying to move. He eased himself out of the chair and knelt on the floor next to Sasuke. Kakashi rolled him over and checked him for injuries. Nothing visible. He wasn't a good enough field medic to determine whether there were internal problems, and he debated for a few minutes whether or not to find someone who was. No. It was best not to bring in anyone else.

Kakashi sighed and stood again. Aside from the headache, he felt surprisingly fine. He hadn't made full contact with the Mangekyou world, it seemed. He looked down Sasuke. That had to be an uncomfortable position. He supposed he ought to drag Sasuke up to his bed. Sasuke was no threat to him at the moment, and even when he woke up, he'd be as weak as a kitten without his chakra.

There was something nagging at Kakashi, as if he had forgotten some vital piece of information and was just on the verge of retrieving it. There was something about that dream that he couldn't properly recall, something that set his teeth on edge. Though it had only been the day before, it felt like years and he couldn't remember why he felt so uneasy, looking at Sasuke as he lay, helpless, on the floor. Kakashi shook himself and tried to think logically.

He knew Sasuke wasn't as heavy as he looked, which was probably a good thing. The headache currently pounding its way through his brain made it nigh impossible to mold chakra at the moment; he really would have to physically drag Sasuke upstairs. Kakashi sat at the table for some time, contemplating the task.

And then came a knock at the door, coupled with a perfunctory flare of chakra. With a backward glance at Sasuke, Kakashi crossed the living room and stepped down to the entry. He slid the door open and stared down at the person on the other side. Kakashi blinked.

"You again," said Kakashi. "I thought you'd left."

"Troublesome," said Shikamaru. "Are you going to let me in?"

Already he was ducking under Kakashi's arm. Kakashi was interested to see that Shikamaru hadn't put his shoes on before leaving. He raised an eyebrow. Shikamaru's feet looked cold: white and bloodless and a little shriveled.

"Yeah," said Shikamaru. "Like I said, troublesome."

"Were you on the porch the whole time?" said Kakashi.

Shikamaru rolled his eyes. They walked to the kitchen and stood there, observing Sasuke on the floor.

"You can't possibly believe that I would leave the two of you all alone to hash things out," said Shikamaru. "It's basic strategy."

"Well," said Kakashi.

The truth was, he hadn't thought very much about what Shikamaru would or would not do after he'd left the immediate vicinity. There'd been Sasuke to think of, after all. Now that he was thinking about Shikamaru, he recalled that he had been one of the ones surrounding Sasuke the night after his failed attempt to raze Konoha. He had been one of the group who had handed Sasuke off to Kakashi. At the time, he hadn't seemed angry, as some of the others had, but he'd been distant. Calculating, perhaps?

Looking down at Shikamaru's bare feet now, Kakashi couldn't say whether Shikamaru had been guarding the village from Sasuke or Sasuke from the village.

"You want help getting him up the stairs?" said Shikamaru.

For a moment, Kakashi was frozen with indecision. It was an innocent offer, and frankly Shikamaru sounded indifferent. Kakashi stalled and tried to play it cool, no matter that Shikamaru would probably see right through him.

"Hmm," said Kakashi.

He didn't like the idea of anyone else touching Sasuke, and he knew Sasuke wouldn't be happy with it either. On the other hand, Sasuke wouldn't have to know, and it would spare Kakashi some trouble. He didn't fancy knocking Sasuke's legs about or something while he carried him; while he was capable of carrying a body all by himself, it was awkward and, frankly, kind of stupid with someone willing and able to help. Kakashi nodded.

"You take his feet," said Kakashi. "I'll get his head."

It was, Kakashi tried to tell himself, a tactical move and was not a decision based in paranoia. He couldn't trust anyone else not to drop Sasuke, not to crack his skull open under the guise of accident. He didn't know what Shikamaru's motives were for offering to help. Were he and Sasuke friends? He knew, vaguely, that Shikamaru and Neji were friends, so his offer could have come from being the friend of a friend. It was plausible but not necessarily probable.

Shikamaru hefted Sasuke's ankles, and Kakashi bent and caught Sasuke beneath his shoulders. Sasuke was reassuringly warm.

"Ready," Shikamaru said.

"Okay," said Kakashi.

They lifted Sasuke up off the floor. His head rolled back against Kakashi's chest, and it thumped gently every time they took a step. Kakashi was almost grateful that Shikamaru wasn't asking questions about any of this. Then again, Shikamaru probably already knew the answers, his intellect having only sharpened over the years since he'd made chuunin. And besides, from the porch Shikamaru would have had a pretty good idea of what had happened.

Crab-walking to the stairs, they detoured around what furniture there was and gave the stove a wide berth. Going up was easier than expected. Kakashi was silently impressed with the way Shikamaru seemed to know which way to turn and by how many degrees he'd need to shift in order to make it over the banisters and around the sharp turn of the stairs.

"You've done this before," said Kakashi.

"Once or twice," said Shikamaru. "But it's always a little different, depending on the staircase."

They made it up the stairs and into the narrow hall that ran the length of the second floor. Shikamaru, having walked backward the entire time, didn't have a clear view.

"His room is at the end of the hall on the left," said Kakashi. "The door's open."

"Any traps?" said Shikamaru.

"Don't touch the furniture," said Kakashi. "Except the mattress. And avoid the rug at the foot of the bed."

"Okay," said Shikamaru.

"Don't try to turn on the lights, either," said Kakashi.

Shikamaru raised an eyebrow at that.

"Explosive tags and senbon," said Kakashi. "Not lethal, but painful."

"Troublesome," said Shikamaru.

"He wouldn't be Sasuke otherwise," said Kakashi.

Shikamaru was quiet as they walked Sasuke's body down the hall. Kakashi assumed he was doing some sort of thinking on the matter, but he still felt reprieved. Shikamaru wasn't grilling him. It was actually a little strange. Kakashi did a little thinking of his own as they crossed the threshold and shifted Sasuke onto the bed. Things weren't adding up properly. Shikamaru showed up out of nowhere and made himself useful without asking a lot of questions and with a minimum of complaints. Then, instead of taking off when Sasuke had lost control, he'd stuck around. His behavior didn't make sense. He was sure Neji wouldn't have asked Shikamaru to take on all this.

Kakashi scratched his head. He looked over at Shikamaru who, now that Sasuke had been deposited on the bed, was just standing and staring off into space.

"Shikamaru," said Kakashi.

"Yeah?" said Shikamaru.

"Did Neji really ask you to look in on Sasuke?" said Kakashi.

Shikamaru sighed and folded his arms behind his head.

"Yes…and no," said Shikamaru. "He expected me to observe. I don't think he meant for me to actually talk to either of you. And I know he had no idea that I might offer what I am about to offer."

"Offer?" said Kakashi.

"Sasuke isn't well. Any idiot can see that," said Shikamaru. "And frankly, it's only a matter of time before that---details about his condition--is brought to the council and to the Hokage."

Shikamaru turned around now and looked Kakashi in the eye.

"I'm sorry, but there's nothing I can do, either to help Sasuke himself or to stop the spread of information," said Shikamaru. "I can't offer you an in at the ANBU headquarters, either."

Kakashi felt some sort of a qualifier coming on, and he paid rapt attention to Shikamaru. This was beyond important, and he knew it in his bones.

"Not that I wouldn't love to have that sort of access," Shikamaru said.

He seemed distracted for a moment. Kakashi prompted him.

"But?" said Kakashi. "I'm assuming there's a but in there."

"But I can offer you this," said Shikamaru. "I have a fairly intimate knowledge of what goes on at the Hokage's office and what happens in the council chambers."

"Oh?" said Kakashi. "Do you?"

"Yes," said Shikamaru. "You could say I have ears there. I can offer you information."

Kakashi's thoughts raced around. Shikamaru was breaking the law. Not only was he breaking the law, but he was offering to…well. Kakashi supposed a person couldn't break the law _more_ but that was exactly what he was proposing. Stealing information was bad enough, but sharing it was a different beast altogether.

"It's not like I'm giving you state secrets," said Shikamaru. "Not that I would think you'd have a use for those anyway. But I can offer you anything that comes through either of those offices about Sasuke, so you might have a chance to plan accordingly if worse comes to worst. It's not much, but it's better than nothing."

"On the contrary," said Kakashi. "I'm sure it's a great deal of information."

Kakashi thought for a minute. This had to be some kind of a trap. This could not be a genuine offer. Maybe Shikamaru was working with someone? ANBU? Or the Hokage himself? Though he did his best not to show it, Kakashi was starting to sweat. He struggled to keep his voice calm, to play along until he figured out what angle Shikamaru was working.

"This must be a risky move for you," said Kakashi. "If anyone catches on, you'd be in trouble, I'm sure."

"I have contingencies," said Shikamaru. "I'll be fine, more or less."

Kakashi's thinking backtracked for a moment.

"And you said Neji wouldn't expect this, coming from you?" he said. "I'm sure he wouldn't like you treading so dangerously close to working against the Hokage."

Shikamaru snorted.

"I don't intend to tell Neji," said Shikamaru. "He's a good man, but he's too moral, too indebted to the Hokage to not tell him when something like this is happening."

The implication that Shikamaru was not either of these things was not lost on Kakashi. Interesting.

"Hmm," said Kakashi.

He pretended to think it over as he picked over this new information. He crossed his arms.

"What's in it for you?" said Kakashi.

"Excuse me?" said Shikamaru.

"Like I said," said Kakashi. "It's a lot of risk to be taking just for Sasuke."

He couldn't help glancing over at the prone form on the bed.

"You're right." said Shikamaru. "But you need to understand, it's not that I'd be doing it for him. Not specifically, anyway."

"Then why?" said Kakashi. "Why offer at all?"

Shikamaru held up a hand and ticked off fingers.

"In no particular order," he said. "There's Sasuke himself, not that he's anyone special to me. He's a comrade, no matter what else has happened, and deserves my help on that alone. Two, there's you."

Kakashi blinked and put his mildest, most blank expression on his face.

"Don't look at me like that," said Shikamaru. "He's important to you, don't try and tell me he's not. Three: it would be hard on Neji to lose one of his closest friends. And four…"

"Four?" said Kakashi.

"Naruto," said Shikamaru. "He's spent years of his life trying to get Sasuke back, and years more staving off his execution order, giving him time to recover, making sure he wasn't farmed out to one of the out-country prisoners' labor camps, despite the urgings of the council."

Kakashi frowned. To have his worst, only half-realized fears confirmed like this…the situation was worse than he'd imagined. He'd been blinded by the small domestic harmony that he and Sasuke had created, had allowed himself to be fooled into hoping that things would work themselves out.

"I know he's been fighting the council over Sasuke ever since he made the exemption," said Shikamaru. "And, you might be interested to know it was on his orders that your ANBU watchdogs were cut to the minimum, and not due to any good behavior of Sasuke's."

Anxiety welled up inside Kakashi. He tried--and failed--to tamp it down completely. He could manage, he told himself. He and Sasuke would get through this mess somehow. It would just be harder than he'd been expecting. He scrutinized Shikamaru's face, searching for some sign of deception.

"It would break Naruto to give the order," said Shikamaru. "I don't believe he'd continue successfully as Hokage after having Sasuke killed, and that would put the entire village in jeopardy."

Shikamaru brought his arms down and jammed one hand into a pocket while Kakashi considered his argument. It was solid, though Kakashi still wasn't sure why all this was worth more than possible charges of treason against Konoha. Teammates came before mission orders, maybe, but the laws of the entire village? It seemed extreme. Kakashi looked at Sasuke again.

"It's the lesser of two wrongs to do this," Shikamaru said. "Treason or no."

Sasuke seemed so fragile, even though Kakashi knew he was more than capable of defending himself. His chest rose and fell with reassuring regularity, even as his chakra ebbed so low it was undetectable. Kakashi needed to protect him, no matter the consequences.

At length, Kakashi nodded.

"If you are certain," he said.

"I am," said Shikamaru.

"Then I suppose there's nothing I can do to convince you otherwise," Kakashi said. "Is there?"

Shikamaru yawned and stretched, mindful of the furniture.

"We'll have to make further arrangements while Neji is still away," said Shikamaru. "I don't suppose you're any good at shogi?"

"As far as cover stories go, that's a bad one," said Kakashi. "No one would ever believe that you'd come all the way out here just to play shogi."

"That's not what I meant," said Shikamaru. "It would help me plan if I were to play, either against you or against myself."

"Ah," said Kakashi. "In that case, there's a board downstairs."

"After you," he added.

He gestured to Shikamaru, who, with his hands back in his pockets, left the room, retracing his steps exactly.

Kakashi lingered a moment, looking at the unconscious Sasuke and memorizing his features. Even in the half-lit room, his skin glowed pale, and his lashes were inky-dark against his cheek. The frown lines embedded in his forehead were smoothed away for the moment, gone with his conscious thoughts. The steady up and down of his chest comforted Kakashi. He brushed one hand over Sasuke's chest, his palm resting for a second over his beating heart.

With a sigh, Kakashi turned away at last and walked out the door.


	34. Chapter 34

Sasuke walked in the Mangekyou world. Again, he knelt before the pillar that had consumed Orochimaru. The desert whispered around him, and the field in which he stood called his name, like wind hissing through grass. _Sassssuke. Sassssuke._ And Sasuke had that sense of absolute knowledge and dread that comes in dreams; knowing what was going to happen and being powerless to change it.

Footsteps behind him, scuffing the ground. Even here, even with his senses blunted by the very atmosphere, Sasuke knew who it was.

"My, my, Sasuke-kun, how very disappointing. How weak you have become, unable to control even your own pitiful chakra."

The grating, gravely voice could belong to no other. Sasuke didn't dare speak his name, didn't want to give him such power even in a dream. Still, his mind filled in the blanks, giving voice to it deep in his thoughts. Orochimaru.

"What's wrong, Sasuke-kun? Are you hoping for someone to save you?"

The man behind him started to circle around, and Sasuke forced his suddenly nerveless limbs to match the other's course. He caught a flicker of pale skin, a flash of black hair at the corner of his eye, but he resisted the urge to look fully into his former teacher's face. It was always worse in dreams, and Sasuke had no desire to see it.

"I must say I am surprised," said Orochimaru. "You have greeted others by name. Perhaps you are not strong enough to face me?"

Sasuke ground his teeth. It was just like him to try and goad him. He was better than this, stronger than this. This shadow of his past could no more offer him power than the memory of a meal could satisfy hunger. And yet… a part of him, a terrible, treacherous part, craved the acknowledgement of this man.

"Come, Sasuke-kun, look me in the eyes…"

"I refuse," said Sasuke.

He didn't look up when he said this, focusing instead on the ground beneath his feet. It was the closest he could come to facing Orochimaru down, and he felt all the more helpless for it, but forcing out those two words gave him courage. Sasuke would resist.

"I have given you my power, yet you deny it its rightful place. It sleeps inside you," said Orochimaru.

His voice was hypnotic, pitched low and quiet so that Sasuke had to strain to hear what was said. And Sasuke knew he should have let the words pass over him, but he couldn't stop listening.

"Did you really think your brother, your precious older brother, could take away what you worked so hard for? What I worked so hard for?"

Sasuke continued to avoid eye contact with the form in front of him. He continued to hide his reactions, his weaknesses, though there was little doubt in his mind that Orochimaru saw right through him. This was just a dream. This thing in front of him was not real. He--it--had to be lying. His former sensei had always lied; that was the one thing Sasuke could trust about him.

"Perhaps you would prefer this form instead," said Orochimaru.

And, with a tearing sound, Orochimaru's skin sloughed off and flopped to the ground. Startled, Sasuke looked up. It was Itachi in front of him now. Sasuke went cold.

"Little brother, why do you not accept my gift?" said Itachi. "You have killed with it, and now you try to bury it? You will never extinguish it, no matter how hard you may try."

They faced one another for endless minutes under the midnight sun of the Mangekyou. There was a sort of consideration in Itachi's regard, one that Sasuke didn't like. Still, he resisted with all of his being. He had not asked for this power. He nearly didn't believe that it was there, even as it lay dormant inside him. Sasuke had no intention of using the Amaterasu ever again, and strength trickled into him with this resolve.

At last, Itachi spoke.

"Or perhaps it's another sort of fire that burns inside you now," he said.

A great rushing wind swirled about him, pulling Itachi apart in black tatters. The figure changed again.

This time, Kakashi stood before him.

"Yo. Sasuke."

The wave of the hand, the tilt of his head, the way he moved all were achingly familiar. And yet…Sasuke hesitated. It was wrong. He knew it was wrong because he didn't share these dreams with anyone, not even Kakashi.

"Sasuke, I'm hurt," said Kakashi. "Don't you trust me? Even after all this time, you're afraid."

"But of what?" said Kakashi.

He was almost playful, shifting from foot to foot in the sand. Sasuke watched him, wary. Kakashi reached into a pocket and drew out a book, thumbed through the pages.

"Ah, I know," said Kakashi.

His tone was conversational. Casual. He turned a page in his book.

"You must be afraid of this," he said.

Kakashi tore off his hitai-ate and the swirling darkness in his eye grabbed Sasuke and pulled him down, down, down.

  


Sasuke was stuck somewhere. At first he didn't recognize it. He struggled to blink his eyes, but they were so heavy, and everything looked so strange. He felt frozen in place.

And then, Sasuke saw himself stagger into the room. He looked down. Itachi lay at his feet. Horror rose up inside him. The other-him walked over to Itachi's body; Sasuke already knew his brother was dead. He looked at the self outside himself, and the other-Sasuke stared back at him, eyes whirling black and red, chakra swelling to fill the air. Sasuke realized simultaneously that he was in the nine-eyed statue and that the other-self was about to seal him into it.

Sasuke fought to move, fought to breath, but he couldn't. He was wrapped with chains, drowning in the waves of chakra that his other self poured forth.

As the other-Sasuke concentrated, Sasuke could see his brother begin to stir.

Sasuke filled his stone lungs and screamed, the sound echoing like bells and still his other self bound him and still his brother rose from the dead.

_Take our power,_ whispered a voice that was many voices at once. _Take our power and free yourself._

Sasuke knew, in the way of dreams, that the voice came from within him. His perspective skewed and twisted around so that he was outside himself looking in. There were others inside him, maelstroms of chakra and glowing eyes, all fitted badly inside his shape, wearing his skin at the same time as he.

No, he said. But he couldn't be sure that he had been heard. He tried again. No. I won't. I refuse.

_Take it. We've been waiting for you. Take it._ Power clawed its way up his spine and he heard the rocks of his body grinding, crumbling under the force of the pressures from within and without. His stone head crashed toward the floor and he fell with it into oblivion.

  


Sasuke woke breathing hard, lips skinned back from his teeth. He wiped sweat off his forehead with the back of one hand.

A split second later, he realized that Kakashi was in his room, looming over him. Sasuke frowned and reached for a kunai, only to find he could no longer move.

"You didn't think it was over, did you?" said Kakashi. "It'll never be over, not so long as they are inside you."

Kakashi came closer, hypnotizing Sasuke with his unbound eye. Sasuke saw infinity in the lazy swirling of black and red. Then, carelessly, Kakashi locked his hands around Sasuke's throat and started to squeeze.

"Pity you couldn't bind them properly," said Kakashi. "But then, it's only natural, considering how weak you've become, how weak you always were. You should have said yes to them. You still could, you know."

Sasuke knew he was still dreaming, but he couldn't break free. He tried to shake his head, tried to say no, to resist even now, but he couldn't breathe. He couldn't move. He couldn't think. He felt himself being drawn into a long tunnel, one end anchored between Kakashi's hands, the only light coming from the shiftings of his Sharingan eye. The tunnel became narrower and narrower and dimmed by the second. It closed with Sasuke on the wrong side.

Then, blackness.


	35. Chapter 35

Shikamaru left later that evening. Kakashi saw him off from the porch and went back inside. He put away the shogi set. He picked up the teacups they'd been using and brought them to the kitchen sink. He hesitated: should he wash them? Ordinarily Sasuke would. He sighed. Sasuke.

Kakashi washed the cups, paying particular attention to where Shikamaru's lips might have touched the rim. He went around the house, cleaning up all traces of Shikamaru's visit. Time passed slowly as Kakashi busied himself with chores. He swept the snowy footprints off the porch and steps; he neatened the main living area; he raked the coals in the stove. He sorted through the contents of the refrigerator, looking for anything spoiled.

The house was quiet as a tomb, and he found himself listening for signs of life, of Sasuke waking. There were none. At last, Kakashi went upstairs to check on Sasuke. Shikamaru had been there as well, and Kakashi felt nervous that somehow, upon waking, Sasuke might divine that someone had been in his room. At this point, he had very little idea how Sasuke might behave when he woke. Angry? Resentful? Would he pretend like nothing had happened?

This last thought was troubling. It would be a very Sasuke-like mode of operation, and it was possibly the worst way to handle the current situation. Ignoring the problem wasn't going to make it go away, no matter how much Sasuke might wish otherwise. Kakashi realized that he himself had wished this, too. Having so many people getting involved in his--their-business was uncomfortable and awkward at best.

How much did they know? How much had they guessed? Shikamaru had more or less said out loud that he knew everything. Sasuke was a private person. He, Kakashi, was as well and while he didn't necessarily mind people knowing the generalities of his life, it was deeply unsettling to think that they were scrutinizing the details. It wasn't anyone's business but his and Sasuke's.

Kakashi realized that he was getting unreasonably angry over this and that the anger was covering up those things he was still decidedly not thinking about. He couldn't stop himself. It was easier this way. And maybe, just maybe, he could convince himself it was better this way as well. He could accept that he and Sasuke had a relationship: as warden and charge, as roommates, and even as friends. The other things were aberrations. Not realizing he'd been holding his breath until now, he let himself breathe deeply.

This was a mistake. He could smell Sasuke, could taste him in the air even though it had been hours since Sasuke had been in the room. Almost irresistibly, Kakashi found himself being drawn upstairs. Logically, he knew that no one had broken into their home and harmed Sasuke. He also knew that Sasuke hadn't woken up and wandered away. But still, Kakashi couldn't resist the urge to check on him.

In what felt like the blink of an eye, Kakashi arrived at the door to Sasuke's room. Again, logic dictated that he'd climbed the stairs and walked down the hall to get where he was now standing, but he didn't remember doing it. He navigated the traps in the room, keeping half an eye on Sasuke in case he woke, and ended up at the foot of Sasuke's bed.

Kakashi spared a moment to remove the trap from the rug there, and he set up a nice, safe warded space that encompassed that piece of floor as well as the foot of the bed. He had no intentions of standing for however long it might take Sasuke to rouse. And if Sasuke should wake, still displeased…Well. That was where the ward came into play. With a sigh, he settled into place.

Sitting on the foot of Sasuke's bed, Kakashi willed him to wake up. It didn't work. Though Sasuke's breath was steady, and his heart beat, there wasn't so much as a flutter of his eyelids to indicate anything other than deep unconsciousness. The minutes slipped away as Kakashi waited.

He thought ahead to the future. He hadn't given it as much thought as it deserved, truly, beyond the idea of a nebulous someday when Sasuke might be better. At this point, he wasn't even sure what might qualify as better. Shikamaru's visit had been sobering. There were people in the village, people in high places who were still convinced that Sasuke hadn't--wasn't going to--made any progress at all. Not that testifying on Sasuke's behalf would be of any help. Kakashi would undoubtedly be told that he was too close to see what was really happening around him. He snorted.

Sasuke really was changing--bit by bit and not without some missteps, but he was changing. If Sasuke didn't get his chakra under control, though, it could be just the excuse needed to force the Hokage to issue those orders he'd held back for so long.

Kakashi shifted in his seat, stretching out first one leg, then the other. The problem was two-fold, at this point, but the more worrying part was not the outsiders, but rather Sasuke himself. He hadn't reacted well to being told that there was something wrong with him. Though, truthfully, what had sent him over the edge had been the mention of Naruto. Or, rather, Naruto-as-Hokage. He glanced at Sasuke, laid out in bed, thoughtful.

For the first time in a while, Kakashi wondered what Sasuke really thought about his childhood teammate. They'd been working at cross-purposes for nearly their entire acquaintance, had tried to kill each other on several occasions. Naruto had spent years trying to find him, and Sasuke had spent that time, presumably, avoiding Naruto's efforts to bring him back into the fold. No, Kakashi didn't know what Sasuke thought of Naruto. But Naruto still felt something for Sasuke, that was obvious. He was still trying to save Sasuke.

Kakashi was no one's savior. Still, he felt compelled to try to help Sasuke. He sighed, tiredness washing over him. Feelings of responsibility aside, he still couldn't say what had made him accept the mission to look after his former student. Even now, he couldn't sort it all out. Things had gotten remarkably complicated in the meantime, and Kakashi worried at the idea that he might never have the opportunity to figure it out, if those unnamed persons in power were to have their way. If Sasuke were executed…

It was then, in the midst of this rather dismal line of thought, that Sasuke started to stir.

First, his breathing changed, speeding up and becoming more shallow. Then, his eyelids cracked open. Sasuke yawned, rolled to the side, and then, as if just realizing that Kakashi was there, he sat up.

"Sasuke?" said Kakashi.

Sasuke flinched back, one palm pressed against his forehead.

"Quiet," said Sasuke. "Please."

"Are you all right?" said Kakashi. "How do you feel?"

"I'm fine," said Sasuke. "what happened?"

Kakashi could see this was a lie; Sasuke was clenching his teeth and holding his head like it was going to explode at any second.

"You don't remember?" said Kakashi. "You were pretty upset…"

Sasuke shook his head and paled further. He sank back against the pillows.

"Chakra backlash," said Kakashi. "You should probably stay in bed for now."

Sasuke grunted. Kakashi took it as agreement, because Sasuke eased himself into a fully supine position again.

Kakashi hesitated then. Should he or should he not try to question Sasuke about his chakra? On the one hand, Sasuke was muddled; this definitely counted as a moment of weakness and it could be easier to get him to talk. On the other hand…Kakashi didn't feel entirely comfortable trying to use that vulnerability to his advantage. But he was no stranger to dirty tactics, and he probably wouldn't have such an opportunity again any time soon.

"We were talking about your chakra," said Kakashi. "There was…something off about it."

Sasuke frowned, eyes screwed shut, face drawn.

"My chakra is fine," said Sasuke.

Kakashi frowned now. It was the denial he'd feared. Sasuke was going to pretend that nothing had happened.

"I don't have much at the moment," said Sasuke. "But it's fine. I can't stop you if you want to examine me, if you can't take my word for it."

It was as close to permission as he was ever likely to get. Kakashi then looked--really looked--at Sasuke's chakra. He studied it carefully. He followed its flow through the coils, minute though it was at the moment. And, though it felt like a spike was being driven through his head to do it, he used his Sharingan to confirm what he thought he saw. His blood ran cold, and everything around him ground to a halt. It was impossible. He struggled to understand what should not have been. Kakashi looked again. And again. At last, he exhausted himself and he stopped searching. There was nothing in Sasuke's chakra, nothing at all where there had been just hours before.

The instability was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully the jumps in and out of Sasuke's dreams haven't been too confusing for you! (Chapter thirty-three is the last we'll be having of those for some time.)
> 
> Also, as of 17 September, I've finally caught up with posting Entropy on here. This means that updates will be less frequent but current. I'm shooting for a chapter every week or so, but I make no promises.
> 
> I can't believe how long this story has gotten! Never in a million years would I have guessed it would take (something like) eighteen solid months to get this far. I'd planned to have this story over and done with by the end of this past March, hahahahaha. I'd guess it's only about halfway done at this point.


	36. Chapter 36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end-chapter notes contain a brief discussion of the contents of this chapter and could, if you squint, be considered spoiler-ish for the overall story. Feel free to not read them. ^_^

Kakashi waited impatiently in the living room. He'd left Sasuke a few minutes prior, gave him some time so that he could, presumably, collect himself. It seemed somehow wrong to have this sort of conversation in the bedroom. Kakashi tended the woodstove carefully as he waited. At last, light footsteps sounded on the upstairs landing. Kakashi looked up expectantly. Sasuke's ankles and calves came into view.

"Tell me," said Sasuke. "What do you know about the Amaterasu?"

Kakashi's blood ran cold. As Sasuke descended the stairs, Kakashi studied his face carefully.

"I see you've heard of it," said Sasuke.

It was gallows humor, pure and simple.

"You don't mean to say," said Kakashi. "The flux was…"

Sasuke was quiet, but he nodded. He crossed the living room and came to a halt a yard in front of Kakashi. He stared at a point somewhere above Kakashi's left shoulder, looking in his direction but not directly at Kakashi.

"Sasuke," said Kakashi. "Sasuke."

He found that was all he could say. He walked forward a step or two and laid one now-trembling hand on Sasuke's shoulder. He watched his fingers for a minute. At last, he forced himself to speak.

"Are you all right?" said Kakashi.

His heart pounded as he asked the question, and he made himself take slow, even breaths.

"I have it under control for now," said Sasuke. "But I'll need to train with it, so that it doesn't get away from me."

Sasuke tilted his head to the side, embarrassment and shame written in the way he refused to meet Kakashi's eyes. Or perhaps it was fear. Kakashi had heard terrible things about the Amaterasu, though he'd not seen Sasuke using it, and he knew that one glance was all it took to send the black flames to a target. It did strange things to Kakashi's insides to know that Sasuke was being so careful around him. He allowed his hand to tighten over Sasuke's shoulder, and the other reached out to turn Sasuke's face toward him. Was it his imagination, or did Sasuke lean into the touch? Kakashi blinked into Sasuke's dark eyes and saw nothing but his reflection.

"Of course," said Kakashi. "We'll have to pick somewhere rocky, though."

"We?" said Sasuke.

"It wouldn't do to set the whole woodland ablaze," said Kakashi.

Kakashi looked at him without flinching. The explanation was perfectly rational and, better yet, quantifiable. Amaterasu gone wild? It could be fixed. Kakashi felt both better and worse now. Amaterasu was very dangerous, but its value to the village would outweigh the risk, Kakashi hoped. Once Sasuke could prove his mastery…It made Kakashi's head spin with the possibilities. He removed his hands, gentle and slow.

"Is there any way we can prove it?" said Kakashi.

Sasuke looked thoughtful for a minute.

"Not directly, no," he said. "I can demonstrate my control over the Amaterasu, and I suppose there could be testimony about my chakra control in general…"

The things Kakashi had been pushing to the back of his mind were dangerously close to the surface, possibly brought up with the force of his relief. He struggled to control himself; this revelation wasn't about him, wasn't his to celebrate but indirectly. And yet, Kakashi couldn't help the warm dizziness that was spreading through him at the idea that finally, finally, Sasuke might be safe and beyond reproach. The recent troubles weren't really anyone's fault-- was neither Sasuke's fault nor his, at any rate-- and with time and a little luck and a lot of hard work, Sasuke would be in full control.

He made a note to himself to get word of these latest developments to the Hokage as soon as possible, though, of course, with the utmost discretion. Kakashi hoped whatever demonstrations they could provide would be enough to satisfy the critics. He studied the young man in front of him. He hoped Sasuke would not be found wanting. Things might even work out well enough that he might finally be cleared for field missions again. Nothing dangerous, of course, but he might be allowed on C and D ranks. Supervised. Sasuke would probably never accrue enough good fortune and trust and goodwill for anything unchaperoned, but surely it was better than sitting around the house all day. He knew this life they lived wasn't easy on Sasuke.

At that thought, Kakashi found that his hands were clenching at his sides without his conscious permission. He found he was feeling perversely selfish. On the one hand, he desperately wanted Sasuke to enjoy all the freedoms he could be convinced to have--including missions, if that was what he wanted. On the other, more selfish hand, Kakashi didn't want Sasuke to go anywhere. He'd gotten dangerously comfortable with having Sasuke close by. If he started doing missions, he'd be gone some of the time. Kakashi forced himself to relax, to slow down the too-fast beating of his heart. One step at a time. He didn't even know if the powers that be could be convinced to let Sasuke have a little more slack.

Kakashi didn't want anything to change, even though he knew it was inevitable. If Sasuke hadn't had--and solved--his chakra control problem, something else would have come along to nudge the direction their futures took. Kakashi frowned. Surely he hadn't assumed that Sasuke would always be there with him. Surely not.

"Kakashi?" said Sasuke.

Kakashi came back to himself.

"Are you all right?" said Sasuke.

He made a half-step toward Kakashi, though they were scarcely three feet apart. Kakashi waved him away. Sasuke stepped back again, the corners of his mouth turned down. He redirected himself to his favorite seat by the fire.

"Just thinking," said Kakashi. "Nothing important."

He made himself swallow all the things he had no right to say and kept his tone light and pleasant. He focused on the immediate, the smaller things that he could deal with, the things that didn't overwhelm him and make him wish the circumstances weren't what they were. He sat next to Sasuke.

"So what kind of training were you thinking, again?" said Kakashi.

The lightening of Sasuke's expression at that made all Kakashi's private sacrifices worth it. He vowed, deep in the back of his head, to do whatever it took to keep Sasuke this side of happiness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I never thought I'd get this chapter done! I had a terrible time finding anything to like about it, and I fear it's not my best work. But, you know...I decided that even if it is crappier than I usually do, at least I've done something to advance the story a little. (Even if it is only three pages.)
> 
> In the six-plus weeks since I started this chapter, I fell out of love with the entire story. Actually, that's kind of an understatement. I fell so out of love with writing this story that I also stalled writing on just about all my works. It's taken me this long to realize that what I'd planned/written wasn't so terrible after all. (Though I fear I'm going to have to go back and re-read the entire thing so far before I forge ahead with chapter thirty six. I think I dropped out of perspective/tone a bit with this one, and I'd like to get back into it a bit.)
> 
> Also, in case you're wondering, no the Amaterasu isn't all of what's gone wrong with Sasuke. You may also be wondering: why isn't Kakashi looking underneath the underneath? Why isn't he more suspicious about such a convenient explanation? Simply put, Kakashi really wants to believe it. He's kind of sticking his head in the sand and hoping for the best. I have to say, he's becoming increasingly more altruistic...


	37. Chapter 37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I never thought I'd be so long in working on this one. As it is, I think the long (LONG) break I took has really helped. I'm not wound up and frustrated any more. I'm still determined to finish the story, but I have some different ideas about how to do it now, where before I could only see one way. Enjoy!

Panting hard, Sasuke dropped out of the trees.  Black fire raged behind him; the targets Kakashi and he had set up were incinerated, and still the fire burned.  
  
"Good," said Kakashi. "Now call it back."  
  
Sasuke grunted, and his chakra coiled tightly. The fire wavered, but sprang back up again as soon as Sasuke blinked.  
  
"I can't," he said.  
  
"Try again," said Kakashi.  
  
Though what Kakashi wanted most was to tell Sasuke he could take a break and try again later, Sasuke needed to learn to control the Amaterasu. He had made leaps and bounds in his progress already, but he still struggled to stop the fire once it was burning. Sasuke had to call the fire back to him consciously, instead of being forced into a desperate, unconscious reaction as he had been in the past.  
  
"I'm waiting, Sasuke," said Kakashi.  
  
Sasuke glared at him, but it lacked strength. Kakashi could tell that their training this morning had drained Sasuke.  
  
"If you have the energy to look at me like that, you can handle the fire," said Kakashi.  
  
Sasuke turned his glare on the target area. The flames there shrank gradually, dwindling.  Sasuke clenched one hand into a fist. Kakashi held himself back, even when Sasuke's eye started to bleed from the effort. Sasuke could handle this, Kakashi told himself. He fought the urge to move closer to Sasuke and offer his support.  
  
Finally, with one last little flare, the black fire went out. Sasuke closed his eyes, then, and wiped his face with the edge of one sleeve. Kakashi's heart started to slow down. That had been too close for comfort. Perhaps they ought to scale back, just a bit. Then Kakashi shook himself. Sasuke wouldn't let himself ease up; he was single-minded in his attempts to prove his mastery, and would never agree to even a minute less of training each day, no matter the physical costs.  
  
"All right," said Kakashi. "Go clean up."  
  
He hesitated, gave in to the impulse to physically reassure Sasuke, somehow. He allowed his hand to, ever so briefly, touch Sasuke's shoulder.  
  
"You did well," he said.  
  
"Mmm," said Sasuke. "I can do better."  
  
"Sasuke," said Kakashi. "Don't rush this. It will come, in time."  
  
The way Sasuke frowned said it all. Sasuke never had had much in the way of patience. Kakashi smiled.  
  
"I know," said Kakashi. "But you've improved a lot already in such a short time."  
  
Kakashi didn't say anything about Sasuke pushing too hard, but he got the feeling that Sasuke knew he was thinking it.  
  
"I'll do better," said Sasuke. "Tomorrow."  
  
Kakashi nodded and moved a little further away, not so close now that he felt the need to touch.  
  
"Tomorrow," he said. "But now, you need to wash up. Rest. Have something to eat."  
  
He knew it was too much to even try to order Sasuke to relax. But Sasuke simply turned too-sharp eyes on him and nodded as if Kakashi had said it aloud. It made Kakashi want to smile.  
  
Sasuke washed first, and then Kakashi was free to shower away the dust and sweat and fear. The training was hard work, but it was going steady and, moreover, it was going positively. Sasuke didn't have any big blowouts; the black flames of the Amaterasu didn't consume them both—and the woods too—in a hellish explosion. Things were going well and Kakashi didn't want to jinx it.  
  
They ate a late lunch. Kakashi studied the bruises that marched over Sasuke's flesh. They were green and yellow, fading fast and no longer an impediment to the basic flow of Sasuke's chakra. Sasuke had always had a large reserve to draw on, but it seemed like he had more than ever before. Kakashi wasn't sure that he could chalk it up, entirely, to Sasuke's more economical use of his energy.  
  
Though Sasuke's chakra had returned to its normal patterns with no hint of a problem, Kakashi was not one hundred percent convinced that the Amaterasu was all there was to Sasuke's sudden chakra problems. Presumably, Sasuke had had the Amaterasu for a long time now, and yet it was only very recently that he had had trouble controlling it. Something nagged at Kakashi, but he couldn't put a finger on it. Not yet.  
  
He sighed and stretched in his seat. It would come to him later, he was sure. He just needed to be patient.  
  
"Tired?" said Sasuke.  
  
Kakashi shrugged.  
  
"It's worth it," he said.  
  
_Sasuke_ was worth it. And Sasuke was truly his student because he understood what Kakashi had not said. The look Sasuke gave him was warm, and not because the power of the Amaterasu slept within him. Kakashi still hadn't come to terms—quite—with the tangled emotions Sasuke gave rise to, but Sasuke knew anyway, saw underneath the underneath, and was taking it in stride.  
  
It seemed Sasuke felt something of the same for him, too, because Sasuke was giving him obvious and not so obvious signals of that same _something_ that had struck him so hard that he, Kakashi, the great Copy Nin, had had a panic attack.  
  
It was a something he had never expected to feel.  
  
Kakashi wanted to sit there and make small talk with Sasuke, but when he tried to think of an innocuous topic, words failed him. Sasuke lowered his gaze and was, in fact, the first to get up. He took the dirty dishes away, leaving Kakashi alone with his thoughts.  
  
In the end, Kakashi said nothing.  
  
He said nothing while Sasuke cleaned up from lunch. He said nothing when Sasuke asked with his eyes that the two of them should sit a while in front of the stove, keeping warm, now that the morning's exertions had worn off.  
  
And Kakashi said nothing when Sasuke moved his chair closer to Kakashi's close enough that if Sasuke had chosen, he could have reached out and touched him. Kakashi felt a certain tension in the air, and he knew, this time, exactly what it was.  
  
He said—and did—nothing, and Sasuke seemed content to do the same. For now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does it help if I promise sex, soon? XD But really, I hope to continue working on this in a less sporadic fashion.


End file.
